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AWA Essay Help: Brainstorming and Writing the Argument Prompt. Editor's Note: The following article is a guest post by Chris Lele at Magoosh. It originally appeared on the Magoosh GRE blog . GRE students warily approach the Argument Task on the GRE's Analytical Writing Assessment (AWA) section. Just like the assumptions themselves, the trepidation people have is unwarranted. Below are a sample argument prompt and the first step in approaching the Argument Task, just a small piece of the GRE exam pie. Let's walk through the maurice lord flies process of identifying the assumptions and crafting the essay with a sample AWA essay prompt: SuperCorp recently moved its headquarters to Corporateville. The recent surge in the number of homeowners in Corporateville proves that Corporateville is a superior place to live compared with Middleburg, the home of SuperCorp's current headquarters. Moreover, Middleburg is a predominately urban area, and according to an employee survey, SuperCorp has determined that its workers prefer to live in an area that is not urban. Finally, Corporateville has lower taxes than Middleburg, making it not only in the Universe a safer place to work but also a cheaper one.
Therefore, SuperCorp clearly made the best decision. Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on of the, the assumptions and pressure, what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted. ETS. Maurice Lord Of The. Step One: Attacking the Assumptions. Do not agree with any part of the argument. Instead, show that the argument is making a series of unwarranted assumptions by highlighting each one. Of course, you do not want to only cite what is wrong with the argument; you want to discuss also how the of Life Universe argument can be improved. The first step, of course, is to list the assumptions (you can think of maurice lord this as the brainstorming part). This step is crucialdon't just rush into in the Essay the essay.
Planning before you write will, in the end, save you time. The argument assumes that the increase in homeowners is maurice of the flies directly correlated with improved living, or, as the argument states, a superior place to live. Housing could simply be cheaper, causing an influx of people. That is, the increase of Hayden population does not mean that everybody wants to live in maurice of the flies, Corporateville because it is such a great place. Rousseau Hobbes. Even if everybody wants to move to Corporateville because it is a superior place to live, that doesn't mean what is superior for residents is superior for a corporation. Remember, working and living are two very different things. We do not know anything about the survey. Maurice Lord. Is it really indicative of how employees feel? Perhaps the survey asked only upper management.
Maybe only the engineering department was questioned. Basically, there is no way for us to know whether the sample was representative. Anyhow, the survey even if it is representative found that SuperCorp's workers preferred to live, not to work, in areas that are not urban. There is nothing in the argument that says that Corporateville is not urban. Perhaps Corporateville is also somewhat urban.
We do not know. And be careful not to assume that people typically leave urban areas for the suburbs. Never bring your own preconceived notions into The Future of Life in the Universe Essay the argument. Lord. Toward the end, the argument mentions that Corporateville is safer. In this same sentence, you will also find a mention of lower taxes. If the argument is setting out to prove that Corporateville is a superior place to work compared with Middleburg, it has to be more specific about how lower taxes will improve the quality of the The Explorer by Gwendolyn by Robert Hayden workplace. Of The Flies. The argument ends by saying that SuperCorp clearly made the right decision. Even if Corporateville is a better place for SuperCorp, to say that the company made the best decision is stretching it. Perhaps SuperCorp could have moved to intracranial value, a different city, one even better suited to its needs.
The goal of the brainstorming session is not to see how many assumptions you can find. Instead, you want to maurice, choose the few that you think best invalidate the argument. Continue reading to see how to structure your paragraphs after brainstorming. Now that we've identified the assumptions, it is time to write the essay. Bridegroom. However, there are a few preliminaries. As stated, you do not need to come up with as many assumptions as possible.
Three or four is enough for maurice flies, building a solid essay. And remember, you need to be persuasive, so do not simply list your assumptions without pointing out What is a Polynomial why they are assumptions and how they weaken the argument. Also, do not at any point suggest that the argument has any merits. Maurice Lord. The exam has provided an argument that is in the Universe full of unstated assumptions. You are to identify these logical gaps and, per the instructions, elaborate on how these unwarranted assumptions affect the argument. Let's start with the of the introduction, which should be short and sweet. In fact, the introduction to the argument should not contain any novel ideas. The Future Universe Essay. You simply want to maurice lord of the flies, say that the argument is unwarranted for a number of reasons. If you find yourself hung up on bellona's bridegroom, the introduction, write it at the end.
The key to the essay is the body, in which you identify the unwarranted assumptions. You do not want to waste precious minutes fiddling about with the maurice of the flies introduction. Here's an The Future in the, example of an introduction: The argument makes a number of unwarranted assumptions regarding the corporation's proposed move from Middleburg to Corporateville. Taken as a whole, these unstated assumptions render the argument highly suspect. Indeed, if these unstated assumptions do not hold true, then the argument totally falls apart. Next we have the lord body paragraphs, in which you will point out the unstated assumptions that render the argument invalid. You can lump all into one massive paragraph or you canas I do herespread them into three paragraphs, one for each unstated assumption. Here's an example of a body paragraph outlining one assumption: The argument assumes that the increase in homeowners is directly correlated with improved living, or, as the The Explorer by Robert argument states, a superior place to live. Flies. Housing could simply be cheaper, causing an influx of people.
That is, the increase of population does not mean that everybody wants to live in Corporateville because it is such a great place. Indeed, low-priced housing could indicate low-quality housing and overcrowding, which would actually make Corporateville a less superior place to live. Notice how I ended the argument by referring back to what the the boy instructions asked us to maurice lord, do: Be sure to explain how the argument depends on the assumptions and what the implications are if the assumptions prove unwarranted. Continue by stating the pressure next assumption and its implications: Another unstated assumption the argument makes is lord of the flies that what is of Life in the Universe Essay superior for residents is the same as what is superior for corporations. Thus, even if everybody wants to move to Corporateville because it is a superior place to live, that does not mean it is a superior place for a company to move its headquarters. For instance, perhaps Corporateville has an maurice flies, excellent public school system and/or natural parks. Neither of these would make Corporateville a superior place for a corporation.
Unless the argument can show that there is a clear reason that Corporateville is superior to Middleburg for a corporation, the corporation could be making the wrong decision in moving to The Future of Life Universe Essay, Corporateville. For this body paragraph, I would focus on the survey. This is probably the lord strongest unstated assumption remaining. However, you can choose to focus on the taxes or urban vs. What Polynomial Regression?. non-urban assumption. Do not, however, try to lord of the, jam all the by Gwendolyn Brooks by Robert Hayden assumptions into the final body paragraph. Your focus is to show that the essay makes many unproven assumptions and is thus invalid. Pointing out several assumptions is enough. Unless you have time, do not be exhaustive: The employee survey referencing where SuperCorp workers prefer to live is another major assumption, as the origin and research methods of the survey are not indicated. It is therefore impossible to determine whether it is truly indicative of how employees feel, as the survey might have been limited to a certain department or level of lord of the seniority. Without further information about the survey itself, there is no way to know whether the sample was representative.
In any case, it should also be noted that the What Polynomial Regression? surveyeven if it is representativefound that SuperCorp's workers preferred to live, not to work, in maurice flies, areas that are not urban. As such, basing the location of the company's headquarters on this survey is The Future Universe Essay unfounded. Like the introduction, the conclusion should be clear and succinct. Do not add new information; simply give a brief summary of what you've already said. Something along the lines of the of the flies following should do it: The argument makes a number of unstated assumptions that seriously undermine its validity. Unless these assumptions are addressed, the The Future in the argument falls apart, and the corporation could very well make a major mistake in shifting operations from Middleburg to Corporateville. The above provides a rough template to help you create a compelling essay for the Argument portion of the revised GRE's AWA. We've identified the lord assumption and written the essay. Don't stop here in Polynomial, your AWA prep, however. Continue working to identify logical gaps and maurice, elaborate on how these unwarranted assumptions affect the bellona's bridegroom argument.
Peruse this full list of GRE practice tests for extra practice before planning your GRE exam date. Chris Lele is the maurice lord flies GRE and bellona's, SAT Curriculum Manager (and vocabulary wizard) at Magoosh Online Test Prep. In his time at Magoosh, he has inspired countless students across the globe, turning what is otherwise a daunting experience into an opportunity for learning, growth, and fun. Some of his students have even gone on to get near-perfect scores. Chris is also very popular on of the, the Internet. His GRE channel on YouTube has over 10 million views. Image source: Juan San/Pexels.com. When writing a personal statement, learn from the mistakes of others to make sure you get into the program of The Explorer by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass your dreams. Movie buffs and bookworms can tell a bestseller from a dud within the first few moments. The same is true of any thesis statement you write.
In this guest post, Kristin from Magoosh explains how to write an ACT essay that will impress graders and maurice lord of the flies, earn you a great score. Copyright Scribendi Inc. 19972017. Ordering is the boy striped characters easy. Start by telling us who you are. English is not my first language. I need English editing and lord of the flies, proofreading so that I sound like a native speaker. I need to have my journal article, dissertation, or term paper edited and proofread, or I need help with an admissions essay or proposal.
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Words: 855 - Pages: 4. references in the paper. Bridegroom. You will find important health information regarding minority groups by exploring the following Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) links: 1. Minority Health: http://www.cdc.gov/minorityhealth/index.html 2. Racial and Ethnic Minority Populations: http://www.cdc.gov/minorityhealth/populations/remp.html Prepare this assignment according to the guidelines found in maurice lord the APA Style Guide, located in the Student Success Center. An abstract is not required. This assignment uses a rubric. Please review the rubric prior to beginning the assignment to become familiar with the expectations for successful completion. Words: 257 - Pages: 2. Writing for Publication Jane Doe Excelsior College Abstract Writing for publication is more than opportunity for professional development.
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With. Words: 617 - Pages: 3. Here in maurice lord flies Full [Since the introduction is clearly identified by its position in What is a Regression? the paper, there is no heading called “introduction” even though a section in the grading rubric lists it as part of the maurice lord of the flies requirements.] The purpose of this paper is to provide a brief overview of APA format. The School of Nursing at the boy pajamas characters Old Dominion University requires that all written assignments be completed using current edition of maurice lord flies, APA format. The information that follows is What Regression?, taken from the 6th edition of the maurice of the Publication. Words: 2318 - Pages: 10.
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Journal of Business Ethics, 25(1), 65-78. Retrieved from maurice lord, http://search.proquest.com.ezproxy. libproxy.db.erau.edu/docview/198201671 Table 1 Sample Table Describing Fake Data Variable A Variable B. Words: 846 - Pages: 4. Research Paper Sample Outline: Paper Topic: What factors caused the United States to Enter World War I Using the following example, write an outline for your research paper. You may use bullets as you sketch out your paper with sentence fragments or notes style. Introduction: Hook: ? It is The Explorer Brooks and Frederick by Robert, our true policy to steer clear of permanent alliances with any portion of the foreign world. Flies. o Quote by Washington set the precedent early on that the Universe Essay U.S. would avoid becoming. Words: 523 - Pages: 3. that occupies more than four typed lines should be indented five spaces from the left margin. In a student paper, a block quotation may be single or double spaced, without quotation marks at the beginning and end of the quoted material.
Its right margin should be set at maurice flies 1. Its parenthetical citation should be placed after the block#x27;s last item of by Gwendolyn Brooks by Robert Hayden, punctuation. Maurice Of The Flies. (Smith, 1988, p. 16) I suggest printing this template to make sure that your printer is properly configured to produce an APA page. It. Words: 439 - Pages: 2. Sample Introduction of Term Paper. , laborious and costly. Thus making their workload gradually increases with the growing amounts of grades and student lists that need to be attended. It becomes tedious on the part of the instructor to bellona's, proficiently manage them in flies time for documentation and file submission to the higher education authorities.
As such, this paper aims to What is a Regression?, produce a workable computerized grading system that will address these issues. Words: 373 - Pages: 2. by: [The University of Manchester Library] Date: 01 December 2015, At: 11:00 Compare, 2015 Vol. 45, No. 5, 664–685, http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/03057925.2014.928508 International education policy transfer – borrowing both ways: the Hong Kong and England experience Downloaded by [The University of Manchester Library] at 11:00 01 December 2015 Katherine Forestier* and Michael Crossley Graduate School of maurice lord of the flies, Education, University of Bristol, Bristol, UK This paper analyses how the. Words: 9716 - Pages: 39. The Owl By Jackie Kay Will a dear kinship? be the intracranial way to adapt to life and overcome fears and flies, challenges? This is by all accounts the case in Jackie Kay#x27;s short story Owl written in 2012, where the two fundamental characters together experience a youth occasion covering with an bridegroom experience with an owl.
The story lets us know how both of these episodes shapes the of the fellowship between the the boy in the characters principle characters and maurice lord, how it turns into a long lasting walk together in this life additionally a trip. Words: 1096 - Pages: 5. between five and pressure, seven spaces by pressing the Tab key one time on the keyboard. In addition, remember to double space the entire paper using the lord flies double space functionality in Word. This template is already formatted for double spacing. Read more: Center for Writing ExcellenceTutorials and GuidesSoftware Tutorials and Regression? Essay, GuidesFormatting Tutorial for maurice of the flies APA. In addition, keep in Regression? Essay mind an academic essay should contain at least five paragraphs, which includes the introduction (introductory. Words: 437 - Pages: 2. Title in Upper and Lower Case Your Name Chamberlain College of Nursing Course Number: Course Name Term Month and maurice lord flies, Year Title of your Paper in Upper and rousseau hobbes, Lower Case (Centered, not Bold) Type your introduction. Although the first paragraph after the paper title is the introduction, no heading labeled Introduction is used. Lord Of The Flies. Refer to your assignment guidelines for the headings to The Explorer Brooks, be used for the body of the paper.
See the APA file in Doc Sharing for additional resources. Level 1 Paper. Words: 254 - Pages: 2. IMF reiterates need for PHL to scale up critical infrastructure build-up by lord Bianca Cuaresma - March 1, 2016 The International Monetary Fund (IMF) said while the What is a Polynomial Regression? Philippines has yet to maurice of the, catch up with peers in the region in both quality and quantity of infrastructure, the $285-billion economy should benefit later on from on-going projects and programs meant to bridge the gaping infrastructure gap. Universe Essay. In a paper published on Tuesday, the IMF stressed the need for the Philippines to scale up. Words: 1079 - Pages: 5. /544/ 2/4 4/11/2016 Purdue OWL How do I create an outline? Determine the purpose of your paper. Determine the audience you are writing for. Develop the thesis of your paper.
Then: Brainstorm: List all the ideas that you want to include in maurice lord your paper. Organize: Group related ideas together. Order: Arrange material in subsections from rousseau hobbes, general to of the, specific or from abstract to concrete. Label: Create main and sub headings. Remember: creating an outline before writing your paper.
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2017 eLearning Predictions: Updated Hype Curve. Our 2016 hype curve was a big hit, so we#8217;re doing it again this year. Here is the short, graphical version: Our 2017 eLearning predictions set in terms of Gartner#8217;s hype cycle. And below the fold, the long version, broken into flies, the five stages popularized by Gartner: As I wrote last year, #8220;Online learning lags behind other industries in adopting new technologies. This is not because people in online learning are not interested in new technologies; it’s because we’re not a high-revenue industry compared to is a giant industries like consumer goods.#8221; This is still as true as ever, and it explains why there#8217;s a four-to-eight-year lag between technology trends as a whole and their application in eLearning. Artificial Intelligence and Machine Learning: Our developer David Wipperfurth writes, #8220;AI and ML don#8217;t really fit well on the hype curve, because they will have multiple in/out fluxes with different technologies and of the flies, uses. AI/ML is essentially too big and vague a category to put on such a chart. It would be like asking where economics fits on What is a Polynomial Regression? the chart.#8221; OK, granted. Writing specifically of intelligent apps, David adds, #8220;This depends on what we#8217;re talking about.
Flashcard applications and adaptive testing have been intelligent for flies years and years. Lots of intracranial pressure, people probably make claims about how #8216;intelligent#8217; their apps are. I#8217;d say adaptivity (outside of lord of the, tests), procedural generation, and data mining are not widely utilized by mainstream pedagogy, so for those cases it might be at value, technology trigger.#8221; Following David#8217;s lead, we define artificial intelligence and machine learning as computer-generated algorithms, or #8220;procedural generation#8221;: the idea that the lord of the flies computer derives its own rules rather than relying on a human to program its rules. This kind of machine learning is used in The Explorer Brooks Douglass Hayden, applications like Google#8217;s speech recognition and translation software. The eLearning applications of this technology are very much in their infancy; we expect them to be pioneered by firms like Google, IBM (which markets its Watson technology in connection with various LMS platforms it has acquired over the years), Microsoft (which just invested in the lifelong learning space with its purchase of LinkedIn/Lynda), and even Amazon.
We were surprised to find Amazon recruiting aggressively at lord flies, the eLearning Guild#8217;s DevLearn conference. In short, eLearning applications of AI and ML are clearly in the Technology Trigger phase, but expected to continue to develop and mature in the next year. IMS Caliper: Caliper is the latest standard from IMS. A newer standard than even xAPI, Caliper is pressure value somewhat less ambitious than xAPI in the number of use cases considered and maurice of the, APIs specified. Intracranial Pressure Value! This is a possible reason to expect quicker adoption. Tim Martin of Rustici praised the Caliper design process at DevLearn. As Martin is one of the xAPI originators, this could foreshadow future synergies between the two standards and help xAPI get out of the Trough (see below). To understand the difference between the two standards, it#8217;s important to lord note that IMS and Caliper are driven by higher ed and thus of particular interest to the Educause crowd. IMS#8217;s best known standard, LTI, allows textbook companies to package online course content and ship it with their textbooks, regardless of the implementing university#8217;s LMS.
LTI packages vary from SCORM packages in that the typical content model follows higher education#8217;s synchronous, weekly, semester-long format rather than the asynchronous, one-time, hour-long format of much corporate and military training. Caliper keeps these use cases and users in intracranial value, mind while improving on of the previous IMS standards in the granularity of data captured and in The Explorer by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass, use of an xAPI-like model for interoperability across multiple types of tools and maurice of the, platforms: mobile apps feeding back in to the LMS and the like. But the standard was only recently published, and application is still a work in The Future of Life in the Essay, progress. Maurice Lord Flies! Internet-enabled Physical Simulators: There#8217;s not much more to add from what we said last year, other than that we#8217;ve participated in a pilot that used xAPI to connect a Laerdal simulator to a learning management system, and we#8217;ve read of another similar pilot. The use cases are clear, but the is a Polynomial Essay technology is not so easy to deal with right now. Standardized connectors need to be built. But because of the pilot activity, we#8217;re moving this trend up-slope a bit. CHEST-Web Courseworks xAPI pilot. EHR-Integrated Performance Improvement: We have seen no real progress on the dream of integrating performance improvement education with electronic health records systems (EHRs). But the hype certainly increased in maurice lord, 2016 thanks to bridegroom the long-awaited publication of the final rule on quality payment under the Federal Medicare Access and CHIP Reauthorization Act (MACRA).
MACRA replaces the old procedure-based Medicare payment formula with a complex new formula, called MIPS, that seeks to pay for quality. Part of the MIPS formula awards a bonus to clinicians for participation in of the flies, Clinical Practice Improvement Activities (CPIAs). In The Striped Pajamas! CPIAs include MOC-IV and similar efforts to get clinicians to study their own practice, learn, and improve. Payment bonuses for lord of the quality and practice improvement represent a renewed regulatory emphasis on performance improvement. At quality conferences like IHI, the MACRA/MIPS hype is strong. Some solutions providers already claim MIPS compliance (we are skeptical). When providers claim to intracranial pressure value tie reporting for reimbursement into performance improvement metrics, we expect EHR-integrated performance improvement to reach the Peak of Inflated Expectations.
Virtual Reality in maurice lord, eLearning: VR might evoke a bit of pajamas, deja vu in flies, experienced eLearning observers, as we went very far down the simulation/avatar-y path a few years back: around 2006, Second Life was the talk of eLearning (it#8217;s not now). Nonetheless, VR is something qualitatively different from 3D-animated, flat-screen computer games, and has been democratized by Google Cardboard and Samsung#8217;s Gear goggles. The presence of VR on the upward-sloping part of the The Explorer by Gwendolyn Brooks Douglass curve was demonstrated at this year#8217;s DevLearn conference, where a number of vendors were demonstrating VR-based experiences. The applications barely need to lord of the be elucidated: VR would be great for anything physical, including medical and technical skills. We#8217;ve blogged about an application at Filament Games. As is often the case, the What is a Regression? popular adoption of VR is led by maurice lord, entertainment technology (gaming), and learning is still years behind. VR devices have low penetration in professional settings (have you got one in your office?). While the hype is, naturally, strong, VR is intracranial pressure still perceived as a #8220;future thing#8221; by maurice flies, most in eLearning. Web Courseworks instructional designer Jenny Saucerman using HTC Vive. Subscription Learning: Subscription learning goes by many names, including spaced learning, but where we find it particularly hyped right now is in the #8220;online continuous assessment#8221; model that has been popularized by the American Board of Anesthesiology. The basic idea of online continuous assessment is to do away with large, high-stakes certification exams that happen once every few years and intracranial pressure, replace them with a weekly or monthly exam question.
Learners have time to digest the case-based questions and their feedback. They might even apply what they learn from them in their practice. Lord Of The! This vision goes hand-in-hand with mobile delivery; learners are increasingly working on What is a Polynomial these bite-sized chunks of maurice lord flies, assessment during gaps in their work days. In our experience, most medical specialty boards are at bellona's, least investigating mobile online continuous assessment, and many are actively searching for solutions providers. In a different, more commercial sense, subscription learning has been boosted by the collapse of the price point for on-demand learning.
We#8217;re seeing organizations with large libraries of online learning that are interested in selling their content on a subscription model: the #8220;Netflix of self-paced learning#8221; approach exemplified by OpenSesame. And finally we note that Coursera#8217;s nanodegrees (see MOOCs, below) are now sold on a monthly subscription model. Of The! In short, a lot of people are hanging their hopes on in the Universe the simple idea of subscribing to learning. Expectations are a bit inflated. Data Visualization in eLearning: Nate Silver#8217;s The Signal and the Noise was published in 2012, and maurice of the flies, right about that time the by Gwendolyn Brooks and Frederick Hayden market for self-service business intelligence software (Tableau, Qlik, Microsoft Power BI) went bonkers. Self-service BI software has democratized data visualization. Predictably, the trend has slowly disseminated outward from the higher-revenue parts of the maurice of the enterprise to education, and we are now seeing constant talk about the need to offer administrative and learner-facing graphical dashboards to offer #8220;insights#8221; to designers and by Gwendolyn Brooks Hayden, learners.
This trend is clearest in corporate eLearning, where the big corporate LMSes have colorful pie charts and lord of the, histograms gratuitously flung all over their interfaces. Even Moodle, which is less commercial, now has a PowerBI plug-in. As with any technology at striped, the Peak of Inflated Expectations; be wary of the maurice of the hype: remember that the trick with computers is bellona's bridegroom always garbage-in, garbage-out. But do insist on better visualization capabilities from your learning software. Maurice Of The! Gamification: It#8217;s the proliferation of Brooks and Frederick, leaderboards that has landed Gamification (temporarily, we hope) in the trough of maurice of the flies, disillusionment. Many corporate LMSes offer leaderboards.
They#8217;re easy to turn on, and also easy to misuse. The problem is that learners are being ranked on their completion of is a Polynomial, uninspiring SCORM modules. If learners feel they#8217;re being ranked arbitrarily, or that a training program is trying to spice up low-quality learning with #8220;a little bit of competition,#8221; then they#8217;re going to find the leaderboard more annoying than motivating. That being said, there#8217;s plenty of hope that gamification will pull through the trough and reach productivity relatively unscathed. The #8220;serious professional trivia#8221; model that we first encountered years ago with SCTE is achievable for most professional associations using available technology. The American College of Chest Physicians runs its CHEST Challenge competition in two phases: a first phase is administered online as a quiz in lord of the, their LMS, and the second phase is a live #8220;quiz show#8221; format. The key to getting out of the intracranial pressure Trough of Disillusionment is higher-quality, lower-cost content enabled by maurice, new tools, such as BranchTrack. xAPI: We are big believers in The Explorer Douglass Hayden, xAPI.
We want to maurice lord flies be clear on that. But every technology goes through a phase of disillusionment; that#8217;s the point of the hype curve. In the case of xAPI, the disillusionment is around the continued difficulty in application. xAPI has not reached the #8220;plug and play#8221; productivity of SCORM. Speaking here as a member of the eLearning community, this is probably our own failure to learn and adapt as quickly as we might like (hey, we#8217;ve got SCORM packages to bellona's finish). But it#8217;s also pretty clear that the xAPI standard, in its flexibility and granularity, is ambitious, and it takes some time for ambitious standards like these to be absorbed into everyday practice. For now, it might seem as if xAPI is stuck in a #8220;perpetual piloting#8221; phase. But the of the pilots are proliferating we#8217;ve seen many more pilots in the last year than in is a Regression? Essay, the rest of the maurice short history of xAPI put together. By Gwendolyn And Frederick Douglass By Robert Hayden! And that#8217;s a good sign: as more practitioners participate in pilots, understanding spreads, and xAPI moves upward toward the Slope of Enlightenment. MOOCs: We had MOOCs in the Trough of Disillusionment last year, and lord flies, indeed the hype has died down. Business models at the big MOOC platforms have shifted; both Coursera and Udacity are now pushing #8220;nanodegrees#8221; with a self-paced format.
And their MOOCs are not entirely open anymore. Many now cost money. Meanwhile, corporate MOOCs seem to have, essentially, fizzled. The #8220;enlightenment#8221; we#8217;re experiencing is best expressed by a recent quote from pressure value, Udacity founder Sebastian Thrun, who told the New York Times, “If I look back at the MOOC hype, what actually happened was that people equated a cheaper delivery method with the replacement of the entire educational system. A cheaper technology is not the same as a business revolution.#8221; We agree: MOOCs should be seen as a valuable part of an educational system that must serve an incredibly diverse range of learners and purposes. Educational institutions of all stripes shouldn#8217;t see them as a replacement for anything, but a tool that meets certain needs. Mobile Learning: Celebrate, for of the we#8217;ve finally reached the rousseau hobbes point where we can look back at the train-wreck that was the early days of of the flies, mobile learning and laugh.
There was the wrenching transition away from Flash, the over-hyped hybrid apps, and The Future of Life Universe, the proliferation of unusable JQuery Mobile-based responsive websites (OK, some are still out there). We#8217;re past that now, or a good many of us are, and lord of the flies, we#8217;re finally to the point where we can intelligently and productively use the various options available to us. That pleasing, placid feeling of Brooks and Frederick Hayden, understanding and usability#8230;why, we must be on the Plateau of Productivity. Courtesy of The American Board of Anesthesiology, MOCA 2.0. For more information on xAPI and the CHEST-Web Courseworks xAPI pilot, download our white paper. If you are interested in performance improvement, learn more about our Quality Improvement Education program (QIE). Web Courseworks#8217; received a Brandon Hall technology award for our QIE program in January. Adaptive learning system, virtual assistant, expert system, and eLearning management intelligence(one early case is building alerts from maurice flies, predictive learning analytics) will be major applications of AI/MachineLearning. Value! Observing the capital poured into it, I guess AI/ML will be advancing faster than xAPI. The issue of xAPI isn#8217;t about maurice lord of the technology itself, it#8217;s about in the striped pajamas characters people silos that leads to data silos. I would love to see a table that shows all the maurice lord of the flies new learning technology with these columns: What it is and what can it do.
Major benefits to learners. An implementation difficulty rating. Cost of implementation. Learning curve for end users. Skill sets needed as a developer/administrator. I think I#8217;m going to make one. I need to clearly see the cost benefit ratio before jumping on any bandwagons. Association Learning Technologies eLearning Consultant, CEO of Web Courseworks. In The Universe! Dr.
Jon Aleckson is an educational leader and consultant in association learning technologies and of the, eLearning. He works with an extensive list of association clients on LMS implementation and development, platform alignment and integration, and online curriculum development, giving him a holistic view of business models, operational practices, and rousseau hobbes, educational approaches in association eLearning. Dr. Hicken has worked in maurice lord, eLearning since 2006. He has been the lead instructional designer and, later, product innovation specialist on a number of projects, including the bridegroom World Anti-Doping Agency’s PlayTrue Challenge game, which won a silver award in the Games for Good/Non-Profit category at the Serious Games Conference. Dr. Hicken received his Ph.D. in ethnomusicology in 2009, and stays active in the field.
Jenny Saucerman has worked in eLearning since 2011 with a focus on educational games and learning analytics. She earned her master's degree in educational psychology from the University of Wisconsin-Madison in 2015. Maurice Lord Of The! She is currently an instructional designer for Web Courseworks.
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Dennis Miller Rants and Monologues. Maybe he deserves a second chance, I mean who did he really hurt. besides himself? Maybe it's time that we as a nation start staying out. of people's personal problems and maurice lord, vices. Polynomial Essay! What are we doing spending. billions of maurice flies, dollars trying to keep people's private lives in order? And I'm talking about legal age consenting adults here, not kids, we. obviously have to take special precautions to protect kids.
But what is. this Orwellian hang-up of ours of Regression?, sticking our nose into other. grown-up's affairs? What concern is maurice flies it of The Explorer by Gwendolyn Brooks Douglass by Robert, ours if some mindless stoner. wants to spend his his life hooked up to maurice flies a Turkish skull bong? Now, I'm not pro-drug, they obviously cause a lot of The Explorer Douglass Hayden, damage, but I am. pro-logic and you're never going to stop the lord flies human need for release. through altered consciousness. The government can take away all the.
drugs in is a Regression?, the world and people will just spin around on maurice flies, their lawn until. they fell down and saw God. enrage the Hayden vast cheese dog and beer quaffing nation out there when someone. decides to waste his own life chasing down chemical euphoria and I'm not. sure why. Our displeasure with someone hell-bent on maurice lord flies, self-ruination. through drug use seems really disproportionate to of Life in the Essay its direct impact on.
us. And as a matter of maurice of the, fact, I believe we amplify that impact when we. attempt to enforce unenforceable laws. It not only costs us billions of. dollars, but it puts us in harms way as addicts are driven to crime as a. means to an end.
Why do we chase druggies down like villagers after. Karlov? Let them legally have what they already have and defuse the. bomb. You know, I think the hysteria about drugs is often times baseless. And this comes from me, a man who has never done cocaine in his life, although I did smoke dope upon occasion during my stint as a student at. Oxford in the late 60s.
And you know, the the boy in the striped characters war on drugs is more often than. not fruitless and patently hypocritical, be honest with yourselves now. What drugs are the most dangerous to lord flies the most Americans? Its a no. brainer: cigarettes and alcohol.
Those are the statistical champions by. hundreds of thousands of intracranial, deaths. And wouldn't you rather shoot a game. of pool with a guy smoking a joint than a guy drinking whisky and beer? Someone smoking a joint doesn't all of the sudden rear back and maurice lord of the, stab his. partner in the eye socket with a cue stick, ok? He's too busy laughing. up and die right in front of rousseau hobbes, you, more power to him, you know?
It's his. call. And you know the herd always has a way of thinning itself out. We aren't stupid people here in flies, America, no more than anyone else in. the world, so why are we obsessing on What is a Polynomial Regression? Essay, habits that harm no one but the. habitual, while we let real problems slip ever further out of reach.
We. seem to be willfully turning away from reality, and from logic might I. add, to maurice punish people, who in many instances are doing an extremely fine. job of The Future Universe Essay, punishing themselves, thank you. And in some cases they're not. even punishing themselves, but rather just following age old spawning. instincts that are as woven as deeply into flies their brain as their need to. watch Home Improvement. behavior? You know according to the law, you can't even get a blow. job in Georgia? No wonder Sherman hustled through there.
And really if. you stop to think about intracranial, it, who is hurt by maurice lord flies the time honored unavoidable. trade of prostitution? Only the guys who pay extra to Brooks by Robert Hayden be hurt. There. is no sane reason to of the cling to this archaic legal attempt to pajamas characters curtail an. activity that will be around until the end of time. You know, you could. come back to this planet ten thousand years from now and man could have.
evolved to maurice lord of the the point where he doesn't even take in nutrition from a. hole in head anymore, but I guarantee you that he'll still be cruising. ninth avenue trying to get a knob-shine from somebody named Desiree. folks? One where you will be forced by the puritanical mentality of. your pin-headed Gladys Kravitz neighbors into a tightly constricted, over-regimented existence? A life safe from the temptations and rewards. of the flesh?
If that's your kink - go for it. But for the rest of. us, let's save the money we're wasting trying to regulate other people's. private lives. If an individual wants to smoke a joint, or shoot up, or. munch blotter like tic-tacs and drop out, let them. Value! All right? Let's. put the billions we're wasting on a drug war, fought by fitness fanatics.
on steroids and maurice, three-martini senators rolling in pork, let's put it. back in the educational system. Let's free the The Explorer Brooks and Frederick by Robert courts and jails of. lonely men and broken women who feel the need to buy and sell sex. Let's let hookers and their johns have a safe building somewhere off the. streets, inspected medically and taxed up the wazoo. Let's go on from. there to tax liquor and cigarettes so that those industries can pay for. safe one-lane drunk-proof highways and air purification systems. Most. importantly, let's stop pretending that people are going to lead the.
lives that we tell them to lead. Let's stop pretending that a few. simple prohibitions on substances and activities will yield up a nation. of Beaver Cleavers: polite, clean, sexless, and ready to serve their. fellow man, no questions asked. People are people. They're going to.
with their lives what they want to do, whether you like it or not. There is nothing you can do about them that won't break the bank, overcrowd the prisons, or corrode an maurice lord of the flies, already oxidized judicial system. People are perennially going to What is a Polynomial Essay get fucked up and fucked, and maurice lord, we will. continue to get fucked over if we don't concede the rousseau hobbes fact that there. is absolutely fuck-all we can do about it. You know, normally on my HBO show I come out here week after week and of the flies, piss on. everything like a drunk yard cat. You know that. That's my job. I've always.
felt I'm paid to is a Regression? Essay find things that are wrong and then do my best to throw the. switch on lord flies, the perimeter floods and the boy in the pajamas, light it up. Tonight we're suppose to talk. about what's right with America. Now I know you've got to burrow pretty deep to. unearth any underlying confidence in a nation that's sapped of maurice of the, its vigor, strafed by The Explorer by Gwendolyn Brooks Douglass Hayden violence, and pummeled senseless by the debasement of every. institution from the Armed Services to Baseball. Of The Flies! That being said, Are we gonna. have some fun tonight?! Yeah, all right.
That was rhetorical. Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but you know, there's a lot right right with. America! Nowadays, you just have to look a little harder for it. Sure, we're. sick of paying for illegal immigrant kids to go to school and we're going to. stop. But only a country that did it for a while can stop doing it. See? People.
don't ever consider that. And okay, we nearly exterminated the Native. Americans. Nobody tries to hide that anymore. But we did change our textbooks. so the facts came out.
I mean, who else does that? Only America. And as if. admitting the truth wasn't enough, we don't even tax their casinos. And us - with a 4-trillion-debt! I'm saying not taxing billions in Indian bingo loot is.
magnanimous and should be in the What's Right with America column! How's. about this - in America we let people in prison read, study law, even work out. so they can get themselves out of rousseau hobbes, jail in much better mental and maurice of the flies, physical shape. to resume their lives of crime. A lot of by Gwendolyn by Robert, countries treat their criminals like. animals, like sub-humans, as if they'd done something wrong!
Not America. Not this great country. I'm not a complete ethno-centrist. I went over to France. earlier this year for lord flies, a couple of months, to see if I might live there. Intracranial! And. while I enjoyed my time in maurice lord of the, Paris, I should tell you that the French hate our. guts. I cannot believe they actually gave us the Statue of Liberty. Rousseau Hobbes! They.
must've been throwing it out anyway. Because these people detest us. They look. at us and we are one, big, collective Jethro bearing down on them, rope belt. and all. And you know something? In all fairness, we might be hicks, but at. least we're hicks who tend to our armpits more frequently than once every time. Comet Kohoutek is in the solar system.
These people avoid showers like a blonde. at the Bates Motel. They had to invent perfume. Of The! It wasn't an augmentation, it. was a defense mechanism. Trust me, when Louis the rousseau hobbes XIV guillotined you, he was. doing you a big favor separating your olfactory senses from your brainstem. Yeah, Claude, paint the water lilies a little later.
Right now I need you to. pick up that loofa and maurice lord of the flies, storm the pit Bastille, all right? Thank you, Pepe. LePeux. I had a cabdriver over The Explorer Brooks and Frederick Douglass Hayden, there, smelled like a man eating Gorganzola. cheese while getting a permanent inside the septic tank of a slaughterhouse. I. said, Hey, pal. There's an lord flies, extra five in it for ya if you run over What Polynomial Regression?, a f***ing. skunk.
So, there'd another reason why this country's great. We smell better than most. Maurice Lord! Another reason we're great is the boy striped pajamas because we create things here,things. of unique beauty, things that unconsciously interweave the American attributes. of ingenuity, optimism, gluttony, and narrow-mindedness. Things like: All You.
Can Eat Restaurants . The Clapper . Street-legal, semiautomatic grenade. weapons that even the Tontons Macoute didn't have . The Temporary Insanity. Plea . Cutting-edge CD-ROM technology used for porno . deep-fried cheese. . bans on lord, toy guns . The Boy In The Pajamas Characters! rain ponchos for dogs . Orange Julius . Orange. County . beer can hats . plea bargaining . being able to plug your. parents with bullets and maurice of the, getting acquitted . indeed we're even free over here. to subscribe to 500 channels of cable only to find out that that piece of shit,
William Katt's superhero show, is on 498 of them . You know . As a matter. of fact, you want to know what's right with America more than anything? Our. right to speak out about everything that's wrong with it. And we're all free to. vent at in the, will-at least for the next couple of days till Gingrich takes over and.
straps the flies rat cage on our collective face. You know . this really is a great. country. Rousseau Hobbes! Remind yourself of it once in maurice lord flies, a while. The Boy Pajamas! Take the lord flies family on Route 66, shop at the Galleria, buy a gun, have your breasts enlarged, have your penis. lengthened, sue your neighbor, eat three Big Macs, drive 120 and pay the.
ticket, visit the White House - or better yet, jump the fence and go meet the. Prez in by Gwendolyn Douglass Hayden, person. He likes that. He really really likes that. It's America, Of course, that's just my opinion. I could be wrong.
All right, lets put our cards on the table. We got a dicey little subject this. week: Sexual Harrassment. Now, its pretty easy for me to come out here week. after week to do some high concept screed about how, for instance, I think. violence is bad. Maurice! oh, well, thank you Dr. Insight ! But this week were. crotch-deep in a good old-fashioned quandary, arent we? The age old battle of. the sexes situated in the Circus Maximus of the workplace.
Look, I should tell. you right up front that while I'm sure many of you think of The Future of Life in the Universe, me as the world's. most insightful hermaphrodite, I am in fact a guy. So I . so I have to confess. that my first thoughts on maurice of the flies, this issue were well, it can't be all that bad, can. it?
Certainly a lot of these cases have to be trumped up, dont they? But then I. flashed on the fact that much of what goes through my head is shot through the. You know, I don't want to bellona's get off on a rant here, but what do I. really know about lord of the, what it's like to have some fat, foul-breathed, ham-handed. boss leaning over your shoulder while you type or laying his hands on rousseau hobbes, your. waist while you fax something? I have no idea about how it feels to have some. leering, pawing, needy co-worker breathing down your cleavage while you try to. keep the lord of the flies best job available in a small town without much opportunity so that. you can put your kids in clothes without the help of The Explorer by Gwendolyn Douglass by Robert Hayden, a deadbeat ex-husband; that has got to be brutal . So all I can say, is to be really honest with you. and myself about what I have observed in my forty years of maurice of the, dragging a penis.
around this pebble we call Earth (laughs). And that is this; I think men more. often than not are probably guilty of a lot of the shit that they are being. accused of. From my observations, a lot of guys act so badly and so stupidly. with women in nightclubs and at the beach and on the street, I know that if. they got some occupational leverage they would probably use it as a come-on. Why are men like that? Well, because over the years men have written the rule. book. not all men, sit down, Donahue . But many men have written the intracranial pressure value rule book. that says its OK to look the of the other way when certain members of the male herd.
squeeze, pinch, and demean women. Bridegroom! Well now the rules are finally being. rewritten and as men and women go through this period of readjustment the bad. behavior is coming back to haunt us, isn't it? Because nowadays were hearing. more and more stories of men being accused of sexual harassment and. instantaneously presumed guilty until proven innocent.
But just because MANY. men are guilty it is dangerous to jump to the conclusion that ALL men are. guilty. All right, now that we understand our game, lets introduce tonights. dualists; Jones vs. Lord Of The Flies! Clinton in the Board of Education building . The Future Of Life In The! Do I think.
something happened between them? I most certainly do; he's a powerful man who. also happens to lord of the be a tenth degree horndog (laughs and applause) and you know. something I think most of you will agree once you get beyond all this faux. patriotic rebob about besmirching the What Polynomial Regression? Presidency with tawdry accusations, the. fact is Bill Clinton probably achieved emeritus status in the Players club. while governor of the state of Arkansas . There is too much rumor, too much.
innuendo, and just enough evidence; bottom line, folks, where there's smoke, You know, Stephanopoulos must be feeling like the maurice of the guy that. Louis B. Bridegroom! Mayer assigned to maurice lord of the accompany Erryl Flynn around town. Georgie-boy has. become a sexual Red Adere and it appears our good president was sinking a. whole lot of the boy striped, wells in the mid-80s . Having said that, do I think he sexually. harassed Paula Jones? Hard to say and maurice lord flies, here's why: she did in fact receive.
several salary increases after the intracranial value incident. Whatever cheesy chicanery went. down in that hotel room it doesn't seem to have affected her wage-earning. ability. I also think that it undermines her case a tad that it seems to be so. much about the maurice lord MONEY. Seven hundred thousand dollars? How'd they arrive at that. figure, what's that, a hundred K per What Essay inch ? You know something, theres a fair. to midland chance that old P.J. is a big-haired opportunist propped up by.
small-minded politically thwarted enemies of the President. Now having said. that the sexual harassment charge might be suspicious; do I think that Paula. Jones might have been compromised by the clumsy, sophomoric sexual advances of. a presumptuous Huey not-so-Long type lording his power over a backwoods empire: Do I think that Paula Jones could have been embarrassed by the. highest elected official in her state doing a Lurch impression with his Dockers. down around his ankles : yes I do. But I would say this to Paula Jones; the.
next time a man drops his chinos in front of you, look him in the eye and lord of the, say. Listen, you silly son of a bitch, pull your pants up and start thinking with. your big head for a change, OK pal? Look, nobody wants to make light of The Explorer by Gwendolyn Brooks and Frederick Douglass by Robert Hayden, the. serious crime against of the flies women that men commit far too often; but isnt that what. frivolous complaints like Paula Jones are doing? We've gotta get clear with. each other on how our respective gender tribes wield sexuality in rousseau hobbes, this culture.
Because some of this stuff should be a no-groiner. Here are some guidelines: to the women who are ready to haul the bagboy at the. Safeway into court because he complimented you on your culottes , take the extra second and try to. differentiate the innocuous from the malicious. And all the of the flies men who don't get. the fact that when she says no she means no, well I'm telling you. Quest-for-Fire-boy, she means NO , OK? Its over.
Pack up your encyclopedias and. go knock on the next fucking door . Bridegroom! Let me also advance the following immodest. proposal so we can all get on with our goddamn lives: I think we should pour. all our time, energy, and know-how into genetically engineering a third sex. that we can both fuck indiscriminately and lord, never feel the need to The Future of Life Universe Essay phone the. next morning. We could call them. recepticants!
And they would heal the world. And while this solution may seem silly, its no sillier than what were doing. now; which is a tentative sexual two-step in maurice, which neither partner wants to. lead, neither partner wants to follow, and everybody's feet are getting stepped. Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong. The Russian Prime Minister has declared Space Station Mir too old and decrepit. to be useful anymore. Naturally, the space station will now begin confirmation.
hearings to serve on George W. Bush's cabinet sometime next week. Battle of Hastings to serve as Secretary of defense. In The Universe! Rumsfeld keeps pushing for. that Star Wars Catapult Defense System, because he's afraid the North Koreans. might have the crossbow. transfer Bush's belongings to Washington. The move itself took very little time. once workers discovered that Bush had nothing upstairs.
Bush coming into office, I feel like the owner of lord of the flies, a hardware store before a. hurricane. I hate to see it coming but I have to admit it's good for The Future Essay, business. years. I see George W. Bush working hard to keep the maurice of the ambitions of big business. and the military in check, and ensure that even the lowest job pays a dignified. wage. I believe he'll erase the animus that has divided Washington, and bring. both sides of the aisle together. I also happen to believe dogs can talk if you. touch them in the right spot, and everyone watching me is happy with their. intellectual capacity.
I mean, at least Clinton had his dick to think with. I'd have a convoy of the boy striped characters, six Rug Doctor trucks come chugging through the main. entrance of the White House, park right in front of the maurice flies TV cameras, and start. dragging their steam-cleaning hoses through the bridegroom Oval Office door. Well, come. on. It's got to be like buying Bob Guccione's mattress at a yard sale. people who are so experienced that they aren't gonna let him eat at the. grown-up table for a long time. curtain at the clever bald man pulling all the levers: Vice President Dick.
It's Probably Just Gas Cheney. Now, Cheney's heartbeat skips more than. Richard Simmons on his way to a Ricky Martin concert. Lord Of The! You know, the job of V.P. doesn't give you that much to do, so it would be a shame if the very first.
state funeral he attended was his own. But Cheney is also smart, crafty and. persuasive, so give George credit for bellona's, putting him on the team. Most. presidential candidates try to maurice lord flies pick a running mate who won't outshine them, but. who would that be for Bush? Maybe Wilson the volleyball from the the boy in the striped pajamas characters movie Cast. know the lord woman had a Guatemalan slave? Chavez got out quickly. The Explorer By Gwendolyn And Frederick! I guess she felt. that if people had a hard time with the illegal alien maid, they might respond.
even more negatively to the 30 Haitians assembling Salad Shooters in her. shoes, but then again neither could Shaquille ONeill. Lord Flies! But what I don't. understand is how Ashcroft can be so pro-Death Penalty when he lost his last. election bid to Mel Carnahan, a dead guy. What's really scary is that most. people thought Carnahan won the debates, too.
W.'s foreign policy tutor. Oh, yeah, I love the sound of that. It's nice to. know we're signing our nuclear arsenal over to a man who needs after-school. help. Don't you think the fact that he needs a tutor ought to be raising more. eyebrows than Eminem teaching kindergarten on Brooks and Frederick by Robert, the planet Vulcan? priorities include overhauling social security and Medicare as well as fixing. his stupid name.
Hey, what kinda guy makes it past forty with a y on the end. of his first name? Hey, Tommy Thompson, nice to meet you, you loser fuck, I'm. Nice to see that Bush picked a minority. Maurice Flies! After all, a minority picked him. got the job on Monday Night Football. Hey, what in the hell happened here?
I. only applied for in the Universe, the job because I never thought they would actually give it to. me. Maurice! So my advice, George, is take your lumps and jump in there. The Explorer Hayden! For me it was. the best thing I ever did, next to this show on HBO of course. Man, it's hard. kissing two asses at of the, once. Bush presidency. Will it be regarded as an Brooks and Frederick, aberration in the electoral process? A surprisingly capable underdog effort? Maybe just a placeholder in the strange.
but easy-to-remember Presidential sequence Bush-Clinton-Bush-Clinton. Whatever is to be, there's one thing we know: It's time for Daddy's little boy. to grow up. George W. Bush's seemingly endless supply of maurice lord of the, free passes is value now. officially drier than any of the oilwells he once managed. Well, I, for one, wish him the best. Now, I don't pretend to know anything about the Machiavellian intricacies of. politics, the one - hand - washes - the maurice of the flies - other - that - scratches - the - back - that - spanks - the by Gwendolyn Brooks and Frederick Douglass by Robert Hayden - monkey - that - gives - the - reacharound - to. whomever. All I know is, with the of the flies Nasdaq numbers acting like they're in a fight. scene from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and The Future of Life Universe Essay, the once-madly-thriving economy.
now teetering like Forrest Whitaker in a pair of Jimmy Choo stilettos, if I. were Dubya, the maurice lord of the first thing I'd do when I set foot in the White House, before I. unpacked the video golf game, before I started crank-calling my old frat. brothers, before I snuck up behind Dick Cheney and rousseau hobbes, popped an inflated paper. bag, the maurice of the flies first thing I'd do is get my ass on the phone and send Alan Greenspan. a four-year supply of Omaha fucking steaks. Well, tomorrow George W. Bush moves into the Oval Office and The Explorer by Gwendolyn Brooks and Frederick Douglass by Robert Hayden, Bill and maurice of the, Hillary. tell the White House staff, See you in four years. But what about Al? Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but Al Gore is about to is a Polynomial Essay leave not. only the White House but the flimsy IKEA lean-to that is the lord flies American. consciousness.
He's about to sling his wobbly, too-tight high heels over is a Regression?, his. shoulder and take the morning-after Walk of Shame out of the beer-and. sweat-stained frat house of Washington, D.C. Lord Flies! Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto. beliefs? So, Al, if you're watching out there, stick around, cause this'll all. Work the rousseau hobbes shaft. Oh, I'm sorry, that's the lord flies number two rule.
The number one rule. is: people hate flop sweat. It doesn't matter what color shirt your handlers. tell you to wear, Al. If the pits are darker than Ann Rice's dream journal, you're in trouble. You'd think the guy who won the popular vote would be well, more popular. Hey, everybody knows that winning the What is a Regression? popular vote is maurice of the flies sort of like winning a. People's Choice Award.
Sure it feels good for a while knowing you've carried. the three - hundred - pounds - and value, - up turqoise-collector demographic, but it. doesn't mean shit if you don't back it up with the Oscar. of the maurice of the flies democratic process specially designed to make sure that each candidate. is responsible for making false promises to every American, not just the ones. in highly populated urban areas. ability to come across as warm and genuine to the American public is simply not. in Al's Westworld wiring.
Al, you lost me at intracranial, Hello. try to go duck hunting. He kept trotting back from the pond with nothing but a. mouth full of bloody feathers thinking he did a great job and not understanding. why everybody kept on petting the maurice dumbass Texas Labrador with the bandanna tied. around his neck. except perhaps who he truly is.
The problem with Al Gore's intellectualism is, he never lets us forget it. What Regression? Essay! And though we value intelligence, nobody likes a. know-it-all. Sure, I enjoyed reading Proust in high school too, but at least I. was smart enough to lock myself in the bathroom and tell my parents I was. style while campaigning on the road. He gave it his best shot, but people got. the impression he wasn't really paying attention to them.
Every time he'd try. to connect with some guy working in a factory or a waitress in a diner, he'd. end up nodding his head faster and faster and slowly inching away. Maurice! His body. language always reminded me of somebody who's asked directions to bridegroom the nearest. gas station, but can't actually listen to them because he's gotta whizz so. only comes calling once a generation. When Bill Clinton spoke to us, he looked. like he really cared what we were thinking, made us feel smart, made us feel. good about maurice of the, ourselves and The Explorer by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass by Robert, made us think that he would always remember us.
That's. a style that can only be honed by decades of trying to score strange tail in. cheap, roadside cocktail lounges. Democrats are going to maurice of the be pointing more fingers than the Hindu god Vishnu at a. Dunkin' Donuts.
But ultimately, the bellona's bridegroom problem was simply this: Al Gore came. across as a phony, and George W. Bush came across as genuine. And after eight. years of being lied to by one of the flies smartest men on the planet, a lot of. people had decided they wanted a president with neither the inclination nor the. brains to bridegroom mislead them. bored and try to tamper with my life. Give me a mildly clueless figurehead who.
will meet with the Girl Scout who sold the most Thin Mints, telephone the. winning Super Bowl team in their lockerroom, fly abroad now and maurice lord, then to watch. funny foreigners dance funny dances, and What Essay, most important of all, leave me the. Midge. Moose.
Moose. Midge. You know, alliteration is just one of the quirky. little twists that one can use to augment the English language. English, for lord flies, my. jingoistic dollar: still the creme de la creme of all languages. Now, I don't want to get off on intracranial, a rant here, but to listen to all the alarmist.
intellectual Henny-Penny doom-mongers going on and on lord of the flies, these days about the. imminent death of the English language, you'd think the English language was, like, ya know, totally dying, or something. Whatever. corrupted culture. Banalities without the B is analities. That's funny. parts of Kentucky. And Frederick By Robert! It's also the maurice lord language of business, diplomacy, and.
without the funny accent. Because I don't know what language working-class. Brits are speaking over there in England, but it isn't like anything I've ever. heard. I saw the rousseau hobbes movie Snatch over the weekend and maurice of the flies, I felt more out of rousseau hobbes, it than. Liz Taylor at the Golden Globes. on in lord of the, life. I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns and Polynomial Regression?, the capricious whimsy of maurice lord of the flies, verbs, the. strutting pageantry of the adjective, and the flitting evanescence of the. adverb, all kept safe and orderly by The Future Universe those reliable little policemen, punctuation marks. Wow.
You think I got my ass kicked much in high school? telling someone you majored in it. Now, the first thing they do is mentally. subtract twenty grand off what they think you make. The second thing they do is. ask you to bring them a menu and tell them the soup of the day. And why not? In. school, English was the easiest subject to maurice of the flies bullshit your way through. There are.
no Cliff Notes for Physics. You can't bluff your way through a Calculus. discussion just by The Explorer Brooks Douglass by Robert Hayden watching Calculus: The Movie. But when it comes to essay. questions, well, you can fake it like a hooker being paid by the moan. change in order to remain relevant. But let's not go out of maurice, our way to. appropriate words from other cultures simply to What Polynomial Regression? Essay justify making something more. expensive. Hey, you can add all the Italian suffixes you want, you're not.
fooling anybody over there at Starbucks. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! It's still just coffee. Now ring me. the fuck up, you frappaloser. their phrases from Greek, which is only fitting since every time I go to see. one, he somehow feels the need to spend the afternoon spelunking around in rousseau hobbes, my. ass. All I know is if Hippocrates had been born someplace other than Athens, they would have come up with an easier way to check my prostate than drilling. me like theyre George Bush and lord, my ass is the boy striped Alaska. could speak it properly. Forget Stone Cold Steve Austin or the Rock, if you.
want to see real wrestling, watch our newly elected president pronounce the. unscripted, the English language disintegrates like cotton candy in a monsoon. Even he looks like hes surprised at whats coming out of his mouth, kind of like. Malkovich when he had that puppeteer inside his head. mother tongue is kicking ass and taking names. It's large and in charge, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, full of piss and vinegar and maurice lord flies, ready to bellona's bridegroom open up a. big ol can of whup-ass. It's calling the maurice of the flies shots, it's bouncing and behaving, it's all up in it, and it's all that and a bag of chips.
For the love of pajamas, God, somebody please tell me what in maurice lord of the flies, the hell I'm talking about. you do have to admit that I went an entire football season without saying it. Take it from a connoisseur, it should be used sparingly, like saffron in The Explorer and Frederick Douglass, a. blossoming into its ripe, rich middle until its cruelly truncated in its prime. by a merciless, glottal stop. Maurice Lord! In all of its earthy, salty, illicit. Anglo-Saxon glory, fuck is almost as satisfying to say as it is to do. through my casual use of profanity. To those critics, I would respond that my. discourse merely exemplifies the vaunted precedent of valorizing the oral. vernacular. I would further add that language is a living tissue, which must.
occasionally suffer the rupture of subversion in order to convalesce with more. structural stability. So to those guardians of the rousseau hobbes linguistic gates who charge. that I shoehorn the F-word in wherever I can, merely to lord further a rather. tenuous career built entirely on a profane house of cards, well, why dont you. just go fuckerize yourselves.
Hey, is there anybody nowadays who doesnt want to be on TV? Sometimes even on. two different shows in completely unrelated fields where his option has just. been picked up for two years in one unrelated field and hes shamelessly using. the other field to suck applause marrow out of the by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass Hayden helpless behavior-mod rats. stuck in his studio audience only because they unluckily stumbled into a.
Partridge Family bus outside Manns Chinese Theater? outside may seem like a nonstop whirlwind of gorgeous people, fabulous clothes, sparkling parties and maurice flies, spectacular homes, the reality is exactly that. Sorry, folks. Bellona's Bridegroom! I wish I had some balm to soothe you, but I don't. It's fucking awesome. From Balinese shadow plays to bullfighters in maurice lord, Madrid to the porn studios of the. San Fernando Valley to The Craig Kilborn Show, the only human desire more. universal than the urge to put on a show is the urge to get paid for bellona's bridegroom, it. people with egos as fragile as Strom Thurmonds hip. Maurice Lord Of The! There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or. approval early in in the striped, life and have grown up to maurice lord flies become bottomless, gaping vessels.
of terrifying, abject need. Please laugh. to get laid. Take any one of the Backstreet Boys or the kids from N Sync and. put them behind a deli counter with a paper hat and day old meat stains on. their apron, and the only spears they'd have their hands on would be Vlasic. this television show from Iraq called The Chabab Abeeely Program. Douglass By Robert! And this. guy Chabab Abeeely looks really self-satisfied, singing, dancing, giving away. the Chabab Abeeely home game to the Chabab Abeeely studio audience, and I. always wonder: Does Chabab Abeeely really think he, Chabab Abeeely, is in lord of the flies, show. business?
Do you, Chabab Abeeely? did. Rousseau Hobbes! In hopes of of the flies, being immortalized by the no-frills. Raymond-Chandler-if-he-had-no-talent narrative of the rousseau hobbes E Channels. smoke-enshrouded A.J. Of The Flies! Benza. Hey, A.J. Violation of the rousseau hobbes Peter Principle. Ain't.
week of the year. Many times I drove fifteen hundred miles at a time in a. rusted out AMC Pacer with tires balder than William Shatner fleeing his house. during a 3 AM earthquake, and a blinking dashboard warning-light that said Hey. Asshole, Somethings On Fire And It's Not Your Career All this just for the. privilege of sharing a skanky one-bedroom apartment-slash-gulag with two other. jerkoffs in skinny, crinkle ties, one of whom invariably had a cough so bad. that a Welsh coal miner would tell him to get it checked out, and the other of. whom was constantly bragging about getting laid by two different chicks every. week for the past six years and lord of the, screamed like Lawrence of Arabia galloping into. Aqaba every time he tried to urinate. of my favorite eateries, and I got interrupted in mid-bite by someone asking.
me, Are you And I said, Yes, I'm Dennis Miller. Can we do this later? And. he said, Do what later? I wanted to know: Are you finished with that ketchup? The point I'm making is, if you're in show business, the only thing worse than. getting interrupted for an autograph during a meal is not getting interrupted. for an autograph during a meal. And when you begin to have more uninterrupted. meals than Rudolf Hess in pajamas characters, Spandau, it's time to consider another line of maurice lord of the flies, work.
start to rousseau hobbes panic and everyone begins to see those rivulets of sweat running down. your forehead, dripping off your chin, and it unnerves them, because they are. then reminded of their own tenuous little toehold on lord of the flies, the steep, shale cliffs of. success, so they'll take any opportunity to loosen your pitons, causing you to. plummet backwards onto the jagged rocks at the base of the intracranial value Piedmont and impale. yourself on a stalagmite where the others still in maurice of the, the game can then watch the. carrion birds feast on your exposed, still-warm entrails. [SING] Theres no. business like showbusiness! only moments to be considered a lifetime failure. Of Life Universe! Ask Vanilla Ice. If he'll.
come out from of the, under your car at What is a Polynomial Essay, Meineke. somebodys going to try to fuck you while youre sleeping. And the casting couch? A total myth! There is no couch. Trust me, it's never anything more comfortable. than a rented card table covered in head shots . Or so I've heard. constant attention to be happy and maurice lord of the flies, fulfilled and you have already proven. yourself unqualified for intracranial, a more pleasant profession like being a medical test. subject.
Yes, the maurice lord highs can be dazzling, but the views they provide are often. straight to What is a Regression? the bottom of the chasm ahead of you. I am sorry, young dreamer, but I cannot encourage you to join me in this difficult, wearying life, because. I fear for your financial well-being, I am concerned about maurice flies, your mental health, I tremble at the pain you might cause yourself and your family, and most. importantly, I sure as shit don't need any more competition. always be a grueling and frequently humiliating industry. And you know what? I. don't care who you know, you never start out at the top, no matter what. business you're in.
First you're given oil wells, then you're given a baseball. team, and then, and only then, are you given the White House. Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but this country's so intolerant. right now, they might as well change the plaque at the base of the Statue of. Liberty to read, Go the fuck back to Fuckatania. just as long as they don't ask me to pay for it or wanna sit next to me on a. plane and talk about rousseau hobbes, it. demand our approval. Maurice Lord Flies! Sorry, but if you move in next door to me, and one day I. look out my window and is a Polynomial, see your wife cutting the lawn with her teeth because. she's a sheep, don't expect me to maurice bring a covered dish over when you two. reaffirm your vows, okay? soccer games, and eschew lactose, and there's never any logical reason.
Most. arguments made by intolerant people have all the consistency of space shuttle. genteel art of sitting back and letting someone go on and on thinking he's. right while you bask securely in the power of the knowledge that he or she is. completely full of shit? don't think there's really anything that damaging in Eminem's lyrics. He's no.
more dangerous than a bleached-blond Chihuahua chewin' on an old dishrag. Eminem doesn't upset me. By Gwendolyn Brooks Douglass By Robert Hayden! You know why? Because he wants to upset me. Does his. rap instill hate and inspire intolerance? All I can say is, not in me. As a. matter of flies, fact, it does the The Future in the Essay opposite. Maurice Lord! The more he talks about hating. homosexuals, the rousseau hobbes more I urge gay inclusion in all aspects of society.
The more. crudely he rages against women, the more I crave their company and lord flies, counsel. The. more he casts blame on corporate responsibility for global warming resulting in. the dangerous shrinking of the rousseau hobbes polar ice cap, the maurice lord of the flies more I realize that you now.
know that I'm totally full of in the, shit and have never even listened to his music. attempting to eradicate it end up practicing it, only in a mutated, once-removed form. Liberals in particular are guilty of this supposedly. well-meaning recidivism. Maurice! Honestly, it baffles me that the same people who blast. away at President Bush's selection of a religious conservative for Attorney. General won't give George W. any kudos for other cabinet choices which include. blacks, Jews, Asians, Hispanics and rousseau hobbes, women. Does a fundamentalist Christian not. also represent a valued strand in our collective fabric?
Who's really being. intolerant of of the flies, other peoples differences here? And by the way, who cares if. Ashcroft's religion prohibits him from dancing? Who wants to see John Ashcroft. dancing anyway? After all, I hear he was born with two right feet. constantly howling like a beagle at a Rick Wakeman concert at rousseau hobbes, the prospect of a. right wing conservative holding sway over the countrys law enforcement. priorities.
Give it a rest, Spam head. Let's not get into your view on womens. rights and the sanctity of human life, okay, because where those issues are. concerned, Teddy, you may not be, uh, shall we say, in control of your own. vehicle. Capice, Tay-o?
right. Lord! Quick show of hands: if he came down and applied, how many here think. Jesus would actually be accepted into Bob Jones University? C'mon, they'd beat. the shit out of a long haired, peace-and-love hippy before he could turn the. who scream about the freedom of choice for a woman to do what she wants with. her body are forcing people who want their body to have a cigarette out into. the streets to smoke. Some people who are against the death penalty are so. adamant that they would electrocute those who are for it, and Regression? Essay, some of those who. pray for the lives of the unborn also recite an extra Our Father when a. clinic is bombed.
or that you subordinate your own best instincts to the tyranny of mass opinion. It simply means you pretend not to know that everyone on lord of the, the planet but you is. a total fucking moron. that one group, belief or lifestyle is superior to another, it fails to take. into account the ultimate truth which binds us all, black and white, gay and. straight, Republican and pajamas characters, Democrat, Arab and Israeli, Hindu and Muslim, Catholic. and Protestant, Serb and Croat, Hutu and Tutsi: the maurice of the flies fact that, at the end of.
the day, we are all equal pains-in-the-ass, in intracranial pressure value, the eyes of the Lord. Boy, the lord Clintons' left Washington about as quietly as Kid Rock leaves a. cockroaches, a drunken party guest or a super-virulent strain of. antibiotic-resistant clap, the. Clintons are proving almost impossible to get rid of. Hey, is there any way for. an entire nation to file a restraining order? defined by a series of scandals, providing their marriage a much-needed.
distraction from rousseau hobbes, ever having to actually stop and figure out maurice lord flies, how to extricate. themselves from their biggest predicament: each other. Let's face it. If the. Clintons' marriage were any more about convenience, they'd have to install a. Slurpee machine and a Slim-Jim rack.
merrily parade their greed and corruption past us like a garish Mardi Gras. powered by the drivetrain of Bill Clinton's gargantuan sense of entitlement. Hillary steers, while Bill sits on the top tossing pardons out to the crowd. drunken Bacchus with a perpetual hard-on for a scepter. to the quid-pro-quo altar is none other than Hillary's currently. eight-and-a-half-months pregnant brother, Hugh Rodham. Hey, who could blame. Jabba the Hick for acting as a supersized go-between?
How would you. like it if your sister was in the White House for The Future, eight years and maurice lord of the flies, you couldn't. even cash in on it because of in the pajamas, stupid laws and maurice lord, shit? compared to The Explorer by Gwendolyn the Marc Rich debacle. President Clinton has repeatedly.
insisted his pardon of Marc Rich was the right thing to lord do. The Explorer By Gwendolyn Douglass By Robert Hayden! Which should. probably tip you off to just how wrong it undoubtedly was. tax-scamming billionaire fugitives named Rich and Green. If the symbolism were. any more obvious, Andrew Lloyd Weber would be writing music for maurice of the flies, it.
his former wife, Denise Rich. Now why would a former wife go to the wall for. her ex-husband? Well, in this case, I can think of rousseau hobbes, a couple of billion reasons. You know, she couldn't be any more in her former husbands hip pocket if she. were a piece of lint. Think about it. Flies! Denise Rich is the perfect unwitting foil. to do the bidding of low-rent Machiavellis like her ex and Bill Clinton. Every.
time I see that footage of her standing there on stage next to Clinton in her. strapless, fur-trimmed, hey-baby-give-it-up-you're-in-your-mid-fifties Escada. frock, smiling that lobotomized, open-mouth smile, all the while clapping her. mitts together like she's a trained seal cleaning erasers, just so thrilled to. be part of the is a Polynomial Regression? action that all the naysayers once told her was way out of her. league, well, all I can think is, Wow, she's not even aware of what an.
incredible dupe she's being played for. You know, there's nothing sadder than. a star-fucker who thinks she's a patriot. And I like her. been involved in sketchy pardons, taken gifts they weren't supposed to, or. profited from maurice flies, their positions. It's just that no one has ever done it in such. bulk, in so short a time, eliminating the mid-level operative and passing the. scandal right on in the Essay, to you, the consumer. Let's face it: the Clintons are the.
Costco of Sleaze. Clintons' karma. At this point Hillary's coming back as a dung beetle with an. overdeveloped sense of smell, and Bill will come back as. uh. well, Bill. Face it, this guy's smarter than God. but this is when he's at his absolute best. Lord! When the whole world has turned. their back on him, when the baying hounds are confusing the scent of bridegroom, his blood. with someone else's who's about to maurice take the fall for him.
That is the precise. moment he has you exactly where he wants you. betraying themselves. Universe Essay! From the women's rights groups who took Clinton's side. against all the women he victimized to all the liberal compadres he discarded. when it was politically expedient to lord do so, Clintons proffered deal has always. been the same: I will help you achieve your goals if you simply abandon the.
ideals that made them worthwhile in the first place. We've awakened from our long nightmare of pressure, codependence and lord of the flies, addiction and we've. found someone new. Maybe he's not as smart or as exciting as you, but he treats. us nice and rousseau hobbes, makes us feel pretty. We don't need you anymore, Bill, okay? So. stop calling and stop driving past our house at night and stop looking at us. like that.
Now get off the porch and maurice lord, get out of here before we change our. And an article in USA Today this week reported an increase in the number of pet. owners taking their dogs to see psychiatrists. Pressure Value! Hey, whatever happened to. yelling at maurice of the flies, your dog to get off the couch? You know, if I could lick my own. balls, I sure as hell couldn't need a shrink. Ah, who am I kidding? I can lick. my own balls.
That's why I go to a shrink. I can't stop. What Is A Polynomial Regression?! Because I'm a human. being, with a bafflingly complex mind and a very stiff neck. like a blindfolded auto mechanic poking around under your hood with a giant. traditional, tribal forms of healing, in which the right combination of words. and potions would ease your tortured spirit. I can just picture an maurice of the flies, African. Bushman, lying on a dirt floor, anxiously telling his medicine man this. nightmare he keeps having about by Gwendolyn Brooks Hayden, showing up at flies, work fully clothed. multi-million-dollar business it is today here in the United States.
We're the. only people in the world who are stupid enough to actually want to know what's. going on rousseau hobbes, inside our minds. Americans couldn't be more self-absorbed if they. were made of equal parts water and paper towel. Woody Allen helped popularize the idea that going to lord of the a shrink is The Explorer by Gwendolyn Brooks and Frederick by Robert Hayden normal and. healthy. And just look what its done for him and his family. He and his. daughter-slash-wife have never been happier.
realm of the maurice lord of the flies middle- and- upper classes. The Future Of Life In The Essay! sychoanalysis is expensive, which. isn't too surprising when you consider it was invented by a major cokehead. little nagging things I can never remember. Like stalactite or stalagmite. Alligator or crocodile. Nipple clamp or nipple restraint. and schizophrenia.
Being diagnosed as one or the maurice lord flies other has two immediate. benefits. First, it automatically defines a set of effective treatments and. second, it tells you which side you'll play on in the annual Crazy Fucks. modern psychiatry deals more with correcting chemical imbalances in pressure value, the brain. Kind of like what some people did back in flies, college, except then it wasn't called. psychiatry, it was called bong hits. people and The Explorer by Gwendolyn Brooks and Frederick Douglass by Robert, molding them into well-rounded, secure and productive members of maurice of the, a. chaotic, violent and unstable society. electroshock, but I do feel the pendulum has swung too far the other way. Today, everything is a disorder or a disease that deserves our understanding. Nobody is held personally responsible for their actions.
And that's gotta go. I. think a good first step would be to change not guilty by reason of insanity to guilty by reason of value, insanity. I have one little problem that makes me consider seeing a shrink, it's a. white-hot hatred for all humanity that burns so intensely it literally sears my. insides. Other than that, I'm feelin' pretty mellow these days. paranoid. Maurice Lord! I don't think I'm worth the time and effort it would take for someone.
to hunt me down. working right, I can either bang it with my hand, or call a professional to fix. the damn thing. What Regression? Essay! In fact, I even have my shrink wear a tool belt and a name tag, and rip a big one at the start of maurice of the flies, every session. implicitly with the deep, dark secrets you wouldn't even tell your accountant. me questioning their credentials.
No doubt the rousseau hobbes worst was Doctor Cletus, a. Jungian in bib overalls who, while I poured out the most intimate details of maurice, my. very existence, would thumb through back-issues of Guns Ammo magazine, occasionally glancing over at of Life in the Universe, me, giggling and maurice of the, muttering, Man, that is some. plagued by feelings of inadequacy. Value! So I went to lord see a psychologist. And he told. me the reason I felt inadequate was because I was inadequate. Now that guy was. a fucking genius. Now, I don't want to get off on The Future Universe, a rant here, but why are Americans so in love. with credit?
Simple: WE'RE AMERICANS. We want everything, we want it Bigger, louder, shinier, faster, and of the, we want it NOW. Instant gratification is as. American as drive-through microwave apple pie. Of course Tantric sex was. invented in India. Here, we want to fuck just to get it over rousseau hobbes, with, so we can go. out and buy more stuff. hock to pay for the Revolutionary War. And then, in lord flies, 1803, we purchased the.
Louisiana Territory, and they only The Explorer by Gwendolyn Brooks by Robert sent us the clear title for that three weeks. practicality of our Puritan ancestors. But come on: How frugal is it to buy a. separate belt buckle just for your hat? counterpart, interest. Credit is like a friendly bartender, wrapping his arm. around your shoulder and telling you it's okay, just put this round on your. credit card and take care of it with your next paycheck. Interest is the surly. bouncer who hustles you head-first out of the warm tavern and face-first into. the urine-stained snow bank, all the lord flies while mercilessly punching you in rousseau hobbes, the ribs.
as he methodically goes through your pockets, until he gets back every last. penny that you owe him. mortgage a house. When you buy a car. When you're on e-Bay and you see a. mint-condition ice-packed human kidney that's still throbbing and would go.
perfectly in your collection . But who would have a collection like that. credit rating. And without one, you're considered a bad lending risk. Just try. applying for lord of the, a car loan or a mortgage. Trust me, you'll be ignored like the. busboy at Hooters. don't even know what cash looks like. Value! You take out a wad of maurice lord of the, bills these days, and you might as well be pulling out beaver pelts to pay for rousseau hobbes, that pizza. I have.
had cashiers take the twenty-dollar bill I've given them and write my drivers. license number on it. Of course, we'll always need cash for strip clubs. Nobody. wants to see a naked chick swipe a card.
card companies would send me letters telling me I had been pre-approved for. drunk and putting them behind the lord of the wheel of a car to teach them responsibility. The interest rates on these cards make Tony Soprano look like George Bailey. director for Pamela Anderson's V.I.P. And true, while I appreciate the. convenience credit cards provide, what I really like are the cards themselves. I like their size and weight and the boy striped pajamas characters, as a matter of fact, I have customized mine. with razor-sharp tungsten edges and balanced them for throwing with deadly. accuracy. I also took the liberty of maurice of the, having a graphic artist rework the little.
holograms for rousseau hobbes, me. My MasterCard shows a squirrel water-skiing, and lord of the flies, my Visa. shows an old, fat couple fucking. My point is, credit can be fun if you just. the place where you're supposed to rousseau hobbes put your signature on of the flies, the back of the card.
too small. And nobody ever checks the signature on the card anyway. When they. do, it's just for show; they're not really checking it. I know because, as an. experiment, on my most recent card, instead of signing it, I wrote, Just ring. it up, shithead. So far, not a peep. this society is by What Polynomial Regression? Essay what color credit card you carry. For American Express, the.
once-prestigious Green card can be replaced by the Gold card. Keep charging, and you are eligible for the Platinum card, which can now be trumped by lord of the flies the. upper-echelon Black card. Rousseau Hobbes! Soon you will be able to just have a bar code sewn. onto your ass, so that there's absolutely no way you can leave home without it. In closing, let me say that today, I am fortunate, because I have the money to. pay off my credit cards at the end of each month -- but I choose not to.
Why? Well, my logic is lord flies that if a killer asteroid obliterates the earth, causing. tidal waves and cosmic fires that destroy every submicroscopic trace of life on. this planet as we know it, and bellona's, I still owe three grand on my Visa, I win. You know why Jack Kerouac was cool? Because he had no idea he was. eight pounds of hip in of the, a five-pound bucket. Pressure Value! It's not bought, bred or. bequeathed. Clinton lost it, Gore can't buy it and maurice lord of the, Bush thinks it's spelled.
all of us in a dog-sled-train, struggling to keep up with the bridegroom alpha male. trendsetter, when all we can make out are the hazy, glistening outlines of his. ice-flecked, rhythmically pumping butt cheeks. Sorry, I got a little carried. away, there. I'm still recovering from Gay Week on Animal Planet. America would be making out in study hall with Sweden, picking on India, and. smoking in the U.N. Lord Of The! restroom with France and Colombia. society while still living within it, dropping in to of Life Universe Essay give Richie and Chachi a. dose of hard-earned street wisdom, and then headin' off to Arnold's to grab a. shake and pound a free song out of the jukebox when the maurice of the Cunningham scene gets a. little too square. Rousseau Hobbes! By the way, almost triggering a petite mal seizure by. doing the finger quotes thing - uncool.
approach: cryptic and unflappable, squinting through the smoke from the. cigarette dangling between your lips, never letting a trace of emotion show. except for an occasional sardonic half-smile at the foolish world around you. that you couldn't give a rat's ass about. it transcends their physical being. Frank Sinatra is so cool, he hasn't.
bothered to lord of the flies take a breath for years, and he could still kick the The Future in the Essay shit out of. insouciance that bears the of the corporate patina of mass-marketed nonconformity. This is shopping mall cool, easily attainable: You don't have to Harley to. Sturges; or Master the Guitar; or Trek through Nepal-- just plunk down your. Discover card and buy some threads at The Future in the, Urban Outfitters or a barbed-wire. bicep-tattoo at the Henna Hut, and not only will you enter the kingdom of cool, you'll also get a valuable cash-back bonus that can be applied to cruise travel. or a Reader's Digest subscription. everything with a hip aura. I was at of the flies, a drug store and watched an old man spend.
15 minutes trying to decide if he wanted his Ex-Lax in bridegroom, Extreme Orange or. Totally Wacked Wintermint. up a cool front. For example, when your doctor gives you a prostate exam, or. when the supermarket cashier calls for a price check on super-small-size. condoms, or when the door man at the Vanity Fair Oscar party bitch-slaps you. for bursting into tears when he tells you he can't find your name on maurice lord of the, the guest. list, even though it should have been there it SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE!! J-Lo, I. off on intracranial pressure value, Saturday Night Live, and lord of the, yet the entire nation was doing my George Bush. impersonation.
Oh wait, that was Dana, too. In The! Come to think of lord of the flies, it, I've never. coolest person in the room is. For example the other day at Starbucks, as I. observed the 20-something counter jockey with the pierced prefrontal cortex and. the dust bunny on his chin, and the as-yet un-produced screenwriter sitting in. the corner staring at a four-year-old script-in-progress that still has fewer. words in it than his latte order, or the bellona's heavily perfumed walking designer rack. talking into her cell phone like she was trying to maurice lord of the be heard over a fucking. chainsaw, I realized with some pride that I could honestly say I was the.
coolest person in the immediate proximity, until I looked out the rousseau hobbes window and. caught the eye of the Guatemalan landscaper trimming the hedges outside, obviously wondering what kind of maurice lord, schmuck I was to The Explorer by Gwendolyn pay three dollars and seventy. five cents for lord flies, a cup of coffee. don't buy into the coolness mystique. People who dont take themselves too. seriously and don't screw over other people and bellona's bridegroom, understand that life goes on, the earth abideth forever, and what is cool today may not be cool tomorrow.
That's why it's best just to of the flies be yourself. You know, unless, of the boy in the striped pajamas characters, course, you're. This weekend, ESPN is holding its first Extreme Sports awards. Extreme. sports? Hey, folks, let's call this what it is: weird shit invented by guys. who are willing to of the flies die to get laid.
sports has people all over the country jumping off bridges, skyscrapers and. mountain cliffs, and some of them aren't even invested in the stock market. contrived to make me feel like I'm aging faster than a tuna sandwich in the. glove compartment of a black car parked in Brooks and Frederick Douglass by Robert Hayden, Phoenix, Arizona. equipment involved is maurice of the flies expensive, the The Future Essay activities often require costly trips to. exotic locations and, let's face it, unfortunately, if you're growing up in an. inner-city housing project, the lord mere act of walking to school is no doubt. market anything without them.
I saw Charles Schwab on intracranial, TV the other day, trying. to yell something about moderate-growth mutual funds while wakeboarding off the. North Shore of Oahu, with his knee joints poppin' like two M-80s goin' off in. an underground parking garage. really going on here: psychopaths enriching osteopaths. extreme, a wild, daring pasttime only the boldest madmen would undertake. Lord Flies! It. has today become so mainstream that all bungee jumping platforms are required. by law to bellona's be fully wheelchair- accessible. buildings and maurice of the flies, bridges with a parachute. You know, when I was ten years old, I. climbed up on bridegroom, the roof of our neighbors garage and jumped off while holding an.
open umbrella. Only it wasn't called BASE jumping back then, let's see, what. was it called . Maurice Of The! oh yeah, Being a Fucking Moron. cliff, and pressure value, just before he's about to go, ask for his girlfriends phone number. the local natives think when they see the civilized folk roughing it with all. the state-of-the-art clothing and equipment money can buy. Meanwhile, the. Sherpas are climbing Everest with nothing on their feet but Wonder Bread.
bags,and their gods forbid the lord flies use of twist ties. And how about is a Polynomial Regression? Essay, when these. hikers pull out flies, their calorically calibrated protein bars, while the guide from. the tribe, who is naked except for the animal horn on his penis just digs into. a pile of elephant dung and pulls out an undigested peanut, and bellona's bridegroom, calls it. macaroni. [SING] Yankee Doody went to of the town. Callas in late-stage labor if I merely drive over a pothole with an the boy pajamas, open coffee. container between my legs. In my defense, I may not be as adventurous as I used. to be, but given the right set of circumstances, I am as extreme as they come. Like the other day, I'm making my famous cinnamon baked apples.
But just for. the sheer adrenaline rush, I stick the cloves in maurice lord of the flies, with their spikey ends. pointing out. In The Essay! Balls to the wall, dude! extreme sports rather redundant when I spend a good deal of lord flies, my day just trying.
to stay alive in traffic, while pinned between 4 stegasaurus-sized S.U.V.s, each being driven by a psychotically aggressive, Palm-Pilot-wielding, 98-pound. woman with the blood sugar level of What is a Regression? Essay, Lot's wife. best, genuine respect. But what pisses me off are the amateur extreme athletes, who don't just risk their own lives -- they make some park ranger, fireman, or. cop risk his life to save them. Every time I see a soldier who enlisted so he. could defend his country, end up having to put his neck on the line, rappelling. off a helicopter to save some middle-aged hero-wannabe jagoff who skied 20. miles off the maurice lord clearly marked trail just so he can have a better pickup line. than, Hey, baby, your place or my moms?, I can't help but hope that just this.
one time, the kid from the rousseau hobbes National Guard is lord going to bellona's bridegroom change his mind and. chopper away to flies get a well-deserved beer, but not before getting just close. enough to shout, Hey, asshole, Charles Darwin says hi. Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but tonight I'd like to take a step. back and value, evaluate the former oilman who just 83 days ago took on the awesome. responsibility of running our huge, complicated nation. And, if we have time, I'd also like to talk about President Bush. the day, and would rather be watching television than focusing on maurice lord of the flies, what average. Americans want for their lives.
Hey, that is exactly what average Americans. want for by Gwendolyn by Robert Hayden, their lives. Where Clinton looked presidential and acted like a kid, Bush looks like a kid. and so far -- acts presidential. And while he has turned off the wocka-wocka. 70's porno guitar of the Clinton years, so far he has yet to replace it with. much more than the fuzzy hissing of a patriotic late-night sign-off on maurice lord flies, a local. language that spurts out from bridegroom, between his lips like melted marshmallows coming. out of a squirt gun. heading up to his lips, they react with all the giddy panic of lord of the flies, teenagers. watching a horror movie: Don't go out there, man!
He'll butcher you! The wisest thing he did in the China spy plane standoff was let someone else. handle it. By contrast, a hands-on, eager-to-look-tough, micro-manager like Al. Gore would have reacted with all the pressure value composure of lord of the flies, a drag queen getting his wig. surrounds itself with a doughnut. W.'s team of handlers has him so well. trained, they're thinking of entering him in rousseau hobbes, the Westminster Kennel Club show. as a short-attention-spaniel. off.
By the year 2012, the average high school senior should be able to name. the capitals of all 45 states that haven't yet been flooded by the melted polar. president is the completely unabashed, unapologetic affinity for drilling the. shit out of of the flies, everything on by Gwendolyn by Robert, the planet. because I often do. Do I care about the National Arctic Wildlife Refuge?
Sure, I guess so. But the mere mention of drilling for oil in maurice of the flies, it doesn't cause me to. foam at the mouth like a rabid fruit bat blowing Mr. Bubble. Give me a fucking. break. Every other vehicle in this country is Brooks Hayden a Lincoln Navigator with an. Earth First bumper sticker on it. You simply cannot blame George W. Bush for. not being able to let you have it both ways.
Besides, do you know how many. caribou it takes to of the flies pull the average four-door sedan at a steady 65 miles per. hour? Believe me, the 405 would be fucked. Air National Guard the same way. Is A Regression? Essay! He won the lord of the flies presidential election by a margin. narrower than John Ashcroft's mind. Really, Bush's greatest achievement in is a Polynomial Regression? Essay, his.
life up to this point has been to lower our expectations of maurice lord, him so that. practically anything he accomplishes in the Oval Office is bound to impress us. So much so that, if he can just finish out his term without stickin' a Roman. candle up his ass on a dare from brother Jeb, he's probably gonna end up on. mangles the English language. I prefer a guy in there who knows what he wants. to say but can't quite say it, instead of someone who is very eloquent about.
promises he has no intention of keeping. So far, Bush has kept his pledge to. the American people. He's surrounded himself with the best minds in Washington, restored civility to the Oval Office, and made it clear that this is The Future of Life in the Universe an. administration that believes in big business and a strong military, while.
working like a motherfucker on of the flies, that 1.6-trillion-dollar tax cut he guaranteed. us last year. Now you may not like these promises he's keeping, but maybe, in. the end, what this country needs, above all else, is someone who just keeps his. word, even if that word is Ca-rum-u-bob-ulate-tion-ism. God, Madonna is shameless about by Gwendolyn by Robert, publicity, isn't she?
Somehow, I find it hard. to sympathize too much with her when she calls a live, televised, webcast, stereo-simulcast, distributed-by-satellite, available-on-properly-equipped. cellphones press conference to complain that the media doesn't respect her. privacy. You know, it seems to me that the maurice flies only time Madonna doesn't draw a. crowd is the opening weekend of one of The Future of Life in the Universe Essay, her films. who are quiet and mind their own business nowadays are the serial killers?
doesn't belong more than Cyrano de Bergerac giving head. There was a time when you wouldn't dream of telling a guy you just met that you. were an alcoholic. Unless, of of the flies, course, you met the guy because you had driven. your car into his swimming pool. and witch hunts, we've always been a nation obsessed with the doings of others. In the intracranial past, however, we justified our pejorative meddling with some lame, moralistic claptrap about upholding community standards. Well, the fact is, folks, community standards have now deteriorated like the relationship between. Brett Michaels and C.C.
Deville on VH1's Poison: Behind The Music. Lord! By the. way, I hear Poison is touring again. It's always nice to go see a retro-tour of. a hair band where the only drug they're now shooting up is Brooks Douglass by Robert Hayden Rogaine. is crossed more often than a line in one of George W. Bushs coloring books. we're so easily bored that, if somebody wants to keep our attention, they must. continually super-size the freak value. I was watching Springer the other day.
and actually saw a couple get their marriage back on maurice of the, track by of Life in the beating the shit. out of each other. I think Jerry's final thought was entitled, I'm OK, You're. Kato, forced to watch defenselessly as every nook and cranny of their personal. lives gets slurped into America's bottomless maw for other people's humiliation. -- all under the false rubric that a free and open society has the right to. know.
At first fidgety, these quasi-luminaries ease into their new roles. quickly, seduced by the yodeling highs of celebrity that smudge the lord flies line. between the famous and the infamous, until there's no real point in their ever. saying goodbye. What Regression? Essay! They turn into maurice lord of the flies Abe Vigoda - you always think they're dead, and. yet, they're always RSVP'ing in the affirmative. It's sort of like Karmic. extortion.
We wouldn't leave them alone, so now it's their turn. Pressure! And in the. end, their fifteen minutes last longer than a cross-country airplane. conversation with a Jehovah's Witness who sells life insurance. market. You can go online now and lord flies, actually watch mutants and bridegroom, cybergeeks who. record every nanosecond of their lives - every snore, every burp, every. restraining order filed against them by William Shatner - and maurice lord of the, beam it out over. the Internet. It all raises the pressure value interesting philosophical question: How can you. broadcast your life when you don't have a life to lord of the begin with?
hard to say. The Boy Pajamas Characters! We're living in a time when personal boundaries are more blurred. than the camera lens in a Joan Collins photo shoot. You would think that this. would help to generate more openness between people, but all it seems to have. done is increase our mistrust. We feel perfectly comfortable spending hours. online, sharing our innermost thoughts and yearnings with complete strangers, but we don't even meet the people living next door until there's a huge. earthquake and everyone's out on their lawns at one in the morning. As a matter. of fact, that's the maurice flies scariest part of an earthquake - hearing your 58 year-old.
neighbors Myrna and Leo explain how they had just strapped her into the. Vietnamese fuck basket, when all of a sudden, she started swinging back and. forth, like King Kong's balls on a hot day. Well, thanks for by Gwendolyn Brooks and Frederick Douglass by Robert Hayden, the visual, Myrna, I think I'm gonna go pick up a downed power line now, OK? proliferation of hidden cameras. They're everywhere now. Lord! [POINTING AT CAMERA]
As a matter of fact, what's this? I just don't think that's right. When I'm by. myself, just like everyone else in this room, I do things that I would never do. if I knew I was being videotaped. I pick my nose. I scratch my nuts. I squeeze.
blemishes. I work at my stubborn dandruff patch. I kick off my shoes and The Explorer by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass, bite. my toenails. I use whatever's lying around to scrape my tongue. I pull nostril. hairs out and maurice of the flies, measure them with a small silver ruler I carry on a chain around. my neck and pressure value, record their length in millimeters in an embossed spiral notebook. I pinch my nipples until my eyes tear up, and I straddle things and of the flies, yell. giddy-up, while slapping myself on rousseau hobbes, the ass with a Victorian carpet beater. The point is, I should be able to pass my time waiting in line at the Post.
Office any way I want to. And on Thursday, the lord of the flies Dow Jones industrial average took another 80-point nose. dive, before rallying today. You know, lately, the stock market's been. performing like a blind dominatrix. you never know when she's going to hit. without the slots, the hookers or the dependable odds. A $50 billion manufacturer of of Life in the Universe, 16 different microprocessing components, each. indispensable to the computer industry, can see its stock price plummet by lord half.
or more, solely on the rumor that Benny Kelso on the loading dock says it hurts. you're wondering about the difference, a bear market is where I lose money. because my stocks are plummeting along with everybody else's, while a bull. market is rousseau hobbes where I lose money because my stocks are plummeting all by. long term.
The only problem with that is, in maurice of the flies, an attention-deficit-disordered. America, the in the striped words long term indicate a time unit somewhere between the. career of a boy band and maurice of the, the bitch-slap of a hummingbird. computer and rousseau hobbes, the stock market has spawned the day-trader ? the kind of. proto-loser who is spotwelded into maurice of the his Incredible Hulk underoos down in the. basement, his trembling, silver-Lotto-scratch-card dust-encrusted fingernails. frantically pounding buy and sell orders into his keyboard so loudly that. he can't even hear his mother upstairs crying out for the good old days when.
all he did online was compulsively masturbate. Thanks for the tip, Motley Fuck. That's like telling a bald guy Getting laid's. easy. Rousseau Hobbes! Just go to a bar and pick up Heidi Klum. when it comes to my own investments, I have only one question: What do all. those numbers mean? Seriously, what would I know about what things are actually.
worth? I'm in show business, for chrissakes. phone. Finally, his secretary admitted he had quit to take a job with Exxon, but she couldn't quite remember which gas station it was. conversations with an investment advisor, I will do so by saying, I'm done.
speaking with you now, instead of saying, Bye-bye, which my former money. manager always mistook for flies, an enthusiastic request to purchase shares in. whatever lean-to piece of shit-dot-com sham he was getting blowjobs and free. plane tickets to by Gwendolyn Brooks Douglass push that week. company? good, solid, sound fiscal research. When I'm thinking of investing in of the flies, a. retail chain, for example, what I do is of Life Universe go to one of their stores, and lock. myself in a bathroom stall. Then I curl up in maurice flies, a fetal ball on the floor and. emit a low, painful- sounding groan, and I time how long it takes one of pressure, the. assistant managers to come in and see if I'm okay. Maurice Of The Flies! Wal-Mart?
3 minutes. Target? Half hour. K-Mart? Kibbel the night janitor woke me up at What is a Regression? Essay, three in the morning. and asked me if I had any rolling papers. but can I have my pants back? Recently, let's say, over the past month, I've. put sixty-thousand dollars into Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.
Thank God I didn't buy. faster than Al Roker on a greasy flagpole. You'd think I would have learned my. lesson, but instead I moved my remaining capital into something called e-Toys. And last time I looked, that stock had broken through zero and was tunneling. into the molten magma at the core of our planet. unexpected bright spots.
For one thing, remember that day-trading dilettante. prick neighbor of lord of the, yours?the guy who threw a few lucky darts at the NASDAQ wheel. and showed up at every party for the next year in his Lincoln Navigator, downed. a few too many glasses of Turning Leaf Chardonnay and got all self-important, going on and on bellona's bridegroom, like he was Warren Buffet with a soul patch talking about maurice of the flies, P/E. ratios and small-cap funds' place in the Keens-ian oeuvre and you figured, Well, he must know what he's talking about, and so you put ten grand in a. stock he recommended that collapsed like the Three Stooges' tent the following. week? You remember that guy? Well, right about now, he's replacing all the. deodorant cakes in the men's room urinals at Der Weinershnitzel before he. finishes off his shift standin' out front and handin' out What is a Essay, half-off chili fry.
coupons, dressed like a giant fuckin' bratwurst. I'd say karma is lord up about a. And earlier today, Timothy McVeigh's execution was moved back to June 11th. Ahhhhh. You know, I love a June execution. what an ad would go for. You think I'm kidding? Trust me, if General Motors. thought it would move vehicles off its dealers' lots, they would sponsor a live. TV broadcast of Timothy McVeigh's execution. No doubt with some sort of.
tasteful product tie-in: Folks, if you thought that injection was lethal, check-out the fuel injection in the all new 300-horsepower Cadillac Escalade culture when the bellona's bridegroom most escapist form of entertainment is currently called. tv, but lately, they've been going for maurice lord, it like a hungry mutt on an ass-flavored. poses the burning question: Why is that morbidly obese man not wearing a. shirt? At least digitally scramble his mantits, OK? fabulous house on by Gwendolyn Brooks and Frederick Douglass by Robert Hayden, the beach with a bunch of maurice lord of the, attractive young people all the. while being videotaped by an ever-present camera crew is in any way, shape or.
form real. However, The Real World does provide us with the valuable. insight that, like, when you buy, like, orange juice, you know, and somebody. else, like drinks it without, you know, like, asking, that's, like, a personal. violation? You know? have reminded me of one of striped characters, my vacations when I was single. Remember when you. planned to hit the island and fuck anything that movedand nothing moved? over, appropriately, it will probably be the last one standing.
I caught the. season finale of maurice lord of the, Survivor. Watching this poly-merized tribal ritual through. the smoky tiki-torch kerosene-scented haze, just one thought crossed my mind: How come that Keith guy is 40 but looks like he's 90? be one of the by Gwendolyn Douglass first to be voted off -- if not for my tendency to openly hate. other people, then for lord flies, the visual and pressure, emotional assault that is me in bicycle. pants crying all the time.
But my plan would be simple. As soon as the votes. were tallied, and Jeff Probst gave me the lord of the bad news, saying, The tribe has. spoken, I'd say, Oh yeah? Well fuck the tribe. I'm a 'Survivor!' and I'd. bolt into the jungle, only to emerge every night to pick the What is a Polynomial Regression? Essay other contestants. off one by one with poison darts. Then I'd start in on maurice of the, the crew.
instant television celebrity, it's probably much harder to beat out the 35,000. other applicants vying for a spot on Survivor than it was for me to beat out. the one other applicant trying to rousseau hobbes be the host of maurice of the flies, Dennis Miller Live. Is A Polynomial Regression?! Though. believe me, Lynn Redgrave did not go down without a fight. That is one scrappy. from Dateline stories on Big Brother to the Survivor cast on The Weakest. Link.
But you know something? I'm not sure they've taken it far enough. I. wouldn't mind seeing that frigid dwarf chick from Weakest Link, caught in. nothing but her chainmail corset and maurice of the flies, size 2 jackboots, running down an alley. from an immigration officer on a Fox special called When Untalented Foreigners. a deserved place in the roster of our nightly entertainment. In fact, I myself. have several ideas for new shows in the genre. The first is called You Gotta. Be Shittin' Me, and it involves simply mounting video cameras atop gasoline. pumps at stations throughout Southern California.
the Goddamn Video Camera Down, Edna, and Yank This Mongoose off my Nutsack. stage in by Gwendolyn and Frederick, the television medium is that TV tends to eat its own. And in a. classic example of plagiaristic television logic, the of the geniuses at NBC noticed. that every successful reality show sparked its own catchphrase Voted off the. island, Is that your final answer? and so they decided that all they needed.
to make a hit out of intracranial pressure value, The Weakest Link was to maurice of the flies plaster the phrase You are the. weakest link over so many billboards and bus-stops that it is now permanently. burnt into The Explorer Brooks Hayden my brain like that time I walked in on Star Jones at the Universal. Amphitheater VIP bathroom. Lord Of The Flies! But you know what? You cannot build an entire show. around a single, easily-remembered catch phrase, and assume that just because. you repeat it week after week, people will ultimately attach some sort of. profundity or wit to it, and clap like trained seals whenever they hear it. People are not that stupid.
They're not going to fall for it, and it's simply. not going to work. Of course, that's just my opinion, I could be wrong. Now, I don't want to get off on rousseau hobbes, a rant here, but tobacco is lord of the so entwined with. the history of this country, the only reason the The Future in the Statue of Liberty is not. holding up a lit cigarette is that her torch provides a better backdrop for. final showdowns in shitty action movies. tell you no, they hate it. But nicotine couldn't be tougher to of the kick if Lucy. Van Pelt from Peanuts was holding it with her fingertip. exposing us to their second-hand smoke.
Which is ironic, considering that. compared to L.A. air, second-hand smoke is What Essay like aromatherapy. I'm so paranoid. about getting sick I'm even worried about third-hand smoke -- the smoke coming. off a second-hand smoker. Where's the research on that? character, in trying to testify against the tobacco industry, was up against an. adversary that would do anything to stop him, from e-mailing him threats to.
targeting his wife and child to forcing him to fight off man-eating lions on. the blood-drenched floor of the Coliseum. die on them, tobacco companies must constantly look for fresh meat. As a. result, they must aim their laser sites on of the flies, the only of Life Universe Essay group of people who are. easy prey because they are so naive, so easily swayed by peer pressure, and lord flies, so. unready to make their own decisions as mature adults: Southerners.
Also, At first, I only enjoyed one with an occasional glass of Kool-Aid or, say, after a wild and crazy Slip-and-Slide party at Ray Luigi's place, but pretty. soon I was up to three packs a day. I never went in for bubblegum cigars; they. always seemed a tad, I dunno, pretentious. American psyche. We see ourselves as independent, livin'-my-life-without-the-government-on-my-back Marlboro men until something. goes wrong, whereupon we turn into The Future of Life whiny, litigious crybabies looking for. someone to foot the flies bill for our fuckups. sick, and I just don't think that's right.
Sure, I hate tobacco companies and. think they sell a quintessentially evil product, and then lie insidiously. through their yellowed teeth, all the The Explorer Hayden while trading in maurice, their venal, profiteering souls for bellona's bridegroom, a lucrative paycheck in this life, knowing full well. they'll spend all of time having their flesh raked by the fiery claws of lord of the flies, Hell, while the cries of intracranial pressure value, all their victims resonate in their ears for all eternity. That being said, I hate lawyers even more. Yes, I think the tobacco companies should be punished for their deceptions and. subterfuge. But suing a tobacco company because youve developed a health. problem from smoking cigarettes is like suing McDonalds because they failed to.
inform you that the hot coffee you ordered will scald your lap if you spill it. on yourself. Lord Flies! Hmm, bad example. health problem from rousseau hobbes, smoking cigarettes is like demanding an apology from maurice lord of the flies, the. Members Only jacket people for your not-getting-laid in the 80's. cigarette companies, as he has stated several times that he believes the answer. to the problem lies in opening up the Alaskan Wildlife Preserve for growing.
opportunity to bellona's bridegroom turn the tide of public opinion in their favor. Maurice Lord Of The! I'm speaking, of. course, about the The Explorer Brooks and Frederick Douglass Hayden energy crisis and the surrounding environmental concerns. Lord Of The Flies! For. example, if the lights go out intracranial pressure, during an unexpected rolling blackout, who's. going to of the flies have a lighter to provide emergency illumination?
The smoker. If we. experience increased pollution from unregulated power plants, who's going to. require less oxygen because of The Explorer by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass by Robert, diminished lung capacity? The smoker. And if. ecosystems fall like dominoes, rendering the human race a mere band of. cannibalistic scavengers wandering through a barren wasteland, whose flesh will. possess the pleasant smoky taste of lord flies, barbecue? Thank you, smokers.
national television and tell those jagoffs from OPEC, Hey, you know what's. tougher to kick than cheap oil? Those Yankee Devil Marlboro 100's that you're. always lightin' off a burning American flag. Yeah, that's right, Sheik Octane, you heard me. I don't see any tobacco plants sprouting up from that desert. shitbox of yours.
Now I want to see premium gasoline going for fifty cents a. gallon again, or you guys are going to be up all night chain-sucking on. goat-flavored Jolly Ranchers. You remember Saturday morning cartoons? They're the two minutes of filler. between commercials for supersoakers and 16,000 forms of sugar. Including.
advertising misleading, I do think it is necessary, as it often imparts vital. information to the consumer. For example, paper towels with two plies are more. absorbent. Wider gaps in tire treads help prevent hydroplaning. Bellona's Bridegroom! Fluoride fights. tooth decay, and visiting foreign countries makes you shit yourself.
And then. you're back to of the flies the two-ply thing. throughout the natural world. Peacocks attract the attention of Brooks Douglass by Robert Hayden, a mate through. a multicolored feather display. Baboons signal their sexual readiness with a. pair of red, swollen buttock. And both the lord of the duck and pressure value, gecko offer a broad range. of attractively priced supplemental car insurance packages. Now you get these out-of-focus MTV jump cuts with a throbbing technosoundtrack.
and writhing supermodels in tankinis having simulated lesbian sex in the rain. and a nun riding a yellow bike and a little barefoot kid in a Guatemalan. village, and it's an ad for fucking pretzels. at my high school -- I think I would've retained a lot more important, useful. knowledge. I don't remember anything about geometry, history or science, but I. do remember that when it says Libbie's Libbie's Libbie's on the label label. label, you will like it like it like it on your table table table. And I swear, if I find myself alone in my car car car one more time singing, Plop plop fizz. fizz/oh what a relief it is, I'm going to hunt down the mind-control fuckwad. who wrote that piece-of-shit Pavlovian haiku, and demand that he give me that.
part of maurice lord flies, my brain back. for allergies that are followed by a list of side effects that read like a book. of witch's spells. Nosebleeds, dry mouth, insomnia, shortness of rousseau hobbes, breath, liver. damage. You know what? Keep your allergy medicine. I'd rather reach for a.
Kleenex than have a blue arc of electricity connecting my nipples. At the top. of my list of commercials I do like are the ones for maurice lord, the local stereo store. starring either the Brooks Douglass by Robert stereo store owner, or the of the flies heavily made-up stereo store. receptionist the stereo store owner is rousseau hobbes trying to flies bang. sitting in his car in the parking lot, dancing like a robot to Mr. Roboto.
Genius. Absolutely no idea what it's selling. provocative magazine ads are fine, but I was at the beach recently, and there. was a prop plane going back and forth along the shoreline trailing a banner. that said: ADD INCHES TO YOUR TINY COCKDENNIS And then there's no phone. products that weren't even around when they were living. Intracranial Value! Just in case the heirs. to my estate are getting any funny ideas, I want to get it out of the way right. now: No matter what kind of cure for of the, diarrhea they may discover in bellona's, the year. 2525, leave me out of maurice lord, it. pervasive consumerism, given my own occasional forays into the world of.
advertising. But please believe me: I am just as concerned as any of you about. the omnipresence of advertising, and try and take my warnings tonight as a. desperately needed wake-up call. of up to 20 minutes for only 99 cents. back I got a call from some arms dealers. They wanted me to be the Regression? Essay spokesman. for a Kalashnikov machine gun that they wanted to market to lord flies child soldiers in. Southeast Asia.
I said, What kind of sick fuck animal do you take me for? You. want Jon Lovitz. elastic band of the immense size-52 underpants of the man in front of you in. the line at Dunkin' Donuts straining to point out the maple cruller on the. bottom rack of the display case - no, no, not that one, that one with the extra. frosting and the jimmies - to the drive to work where you are subjected to a. flashcard-like strobing of billboards that leaves your brain stamped with. subliminal impulses to fly United to Florida's Gulf Coast to take a Princess. Cruise to a Radisson Hotel in the Friendly Bahamas, where you'll drink Ronrico. White Rum and wear an oversized Tommy Hilfiger shirt, and Merrill hiking shoes, while getting Lasik eye surgery, having your teeth whitened, getting approved.
for a home loan over the phone and winning a large cash settlement for your. personal injury claim. And then the bridegroom light changes, and you drive a second. Rock ads, which have now officially lasted longer than Bob Seeger's actual. career. Attention, Madison Avenue: I give up.
You've won. Here's my wallet, just get it over with and paint a milk mustache on the Statue of Liberty, OK? Can you believe that there are actually people out there who want to portray. him as a victim? It's about maurice of the flies, time we put things right for the boy striped pajamas, the real victims of. victims' rights, sometimes they're better off if the of the flies criminal is never caught. in the first place. At least that way they only get fucked around once. We're all so loud, shrill, and bellona's bridegroom, adept at maurice lord of the, playing the victim in inconsequential. situations that an bridegroom, actual bonafide victim stands about maurice lord, as much a chance of.
being noticed as an unemployed guy with a laptop and a goatee at a Starbucks. that no matter how heinous the rousseau hobbes crime, its victims are faceless entities, mere. numbers on a court docket who are accorded all the maurice flies dignity of a ring girl at a. couldn't wield any less power if they were the What Regression? Essay California electrical grid. Of The! The. disparity between the victim's and the criminal's rights is most obvious when.
it comes to representation. Criminals who can't afford a lawyer get one. appointed to them by bellona's the court, while victims who cant afford one are relegated. to hiring the cycloptic paralegal who advertises during Mama's Family. for a crime away from the victim and makes it a matter for the people. Of. course, in America this means the solemn burden of justice is in the hands of.
the same people who created the of the Chia Pet, order the Backyard Wrestling tapes, and have demanded 7 distinct flavors of Corn-Nuts. accused. For example, victims should have a right to rousseau hobbes know when the animal who. attacked them is going to get out of jail. They shouldn't have to read about it. in the papers, or find out their assailant took tax-payer-financed computer. courses in prison and has just been hired as their boss. and are then given a slap on the wrist-sentenced to maurice lord flies house arrest? The solution. is simple: Sentence them to house arrest in their victim's house. Trust me, they'll be beggin' for prison.
they do have is unlimited time and limited space. I think they should have to. spend their entire sentence pedaling a stationary bike in their cell that. generates electricity and sends it to the homes of their victims. Bridegroom! Take a big. chunk out of those monthly utility bills. convicted child molesters to announce their presence in neighborhoods. Maurice Of The! Hey, fuck that.
I think they should have to wear bells on their shoes and a bright. yellow windbreaker that says, I am a convicted child molester on the back. But I do have a solution that should make everybody happy: Let's force paroled. child molesters to live in the same neighborhoods where all the ACLU attorneys. assailant's cellmate. If done properly, this one easy step could serve the dual. purpose of making the victim feel empowered, and the criminal feel victimized. Or, at the very least, sore. is not just desirable. It's essential. Bridegroom! It channels that need for vengeance away.
from chaos and into socially acceptable expression. But if we continue to push. victims around, they may one day feel as if they have no choice but to take. back their rights in maurice of the, the only way they've seen work: by becoming defendants. like Timothy McVeigh can stall his execution because of pressure value, a few misplaced boxes.
of documents that only show how much more guilty he is, we need to hustle his. ass up onto that gurney faster than the time it will take for his scumbag. lawyers to maurice of the sign their upcoming book deal. guilt, thinking, Could he suffer more? In my fantasy, we get a Port-A-John. that's brimming with shit, lock him in it, and put the whole thing on a pickup. truck driving slowly cross-country on badly paved roads. closure to the survivors of the bellona's bombing. Maybe not, but it will bring closure.
to McVeigh's eyes, and frankly, that's all I need right now. Good to see you can actually laugh at death. Lord Flies! Usually, talking about death and. dying makes people feel about the boy characters, as comfortable as Shaquille O'Neal flying coach. life. Oh, by the way, I did see it much cheaper at Costco last weekend, so you. might want to shop around. bought the farm, took a dirt nap, met your maker, cashed in your chips, ordered-in from the dollar-an-item Mongolian Barbeque in the alley behind the. Gold-Chains-By-The-Inch stand downtown.
multiple-cat owning, ancient-Volvo-with-Practice Random Kindness And Senseless. Acts Of Beauty-bumpersticker-driving segment of our population, that says we. as a society need to remove the stigma from death and regard it as just another. part of maurice flies, life. These rainbow-and-unicorn simpletons ask, Why do we insist on. portraying death as cruel?
Well, it's difficult to answer that question, but. if I had to hazard a guess, I would say, because it fucking kills us. spiritual heritage, embrace and celebrate death. But then, what do they have to. live for in the first place? Of course you're gonna have a big bash for Grandpa. Bo-ba-la, Bo-ba-la, Bo-ba-la[CLICK CLICK CLICK] when he goes, he doesn't have. to eat dingo shit off a flat rock anymore. remains of a beloved leader on display.
That's great as long as they still. admire you, but look what happened to Vladimir Lenin. Now they've got him. standing up outside a Moscow restaurant, where parking valets pin car keys to. enough time, yet nothing terrifies us more than the rousseau hobbes idea of eternity. In. America, we want to maurice live forever, and a wide array of advanced cosmetic. surgeries now guarantees that at least certain parts of value, us will. In fact, an. increasing number of deceased bodies are now neither buried nor cremated, but.
returned for maurice lord, a deposit. Intracranial! Experts say that over maurice lord of the, the past 20 years, there's been a. 72-percent increase in the number of eulogies that end in the phrase Nice. being a bright light. You know what that light is? It's the doctor, trying to. detect any brain function by shining a flashlight into your pupils, you. almost-dead clueless jagoff.
of course, is choking to death on an apricot pit after waving off the only guy. offering you the Heimlich because he was too good-looking, and you were afraid. he'd stir something in you that's best left dormant. of the party even when they're dead by insisting that everyone wear a Hawaiian. shirt. These are the same assholes who get married on roller coasters. You.
know, it's only a matter of time before some octogenarian prankster rigs his. body to pop up out of the casket like Big Mouth Billy Bass and sing, Don't. can't resist having the latest and best of everything. I mean, a casket with. Internet hook-up? Give me a break. When I go, stuff my ass full of candy and.
toys and let some little Mexican kid whack me with a bat. I don't give a shit; Hillbillies, where they're all waving goodbye, but they have my face digitally. superimposed over Granny's. believe there is bellona's bridegroom a spark inside each and every one of maurice lord of the, us that lives forever. When we die, I believe that energy leaves the body and floats towards some new. vessel.
Now if we can just find a way to of Life in the capture that spark before it finds its. new repository, we could keep California's power grid up and running for lord, most. of the upcoming summer. acceptance and perhaps even hope. Bridegroom! Your death is an end to sadness and pain. Your death is a passage to lord a better world.
Your death is a moment of. unification with the sacredness of eternity. My death, on the other hand? Greatest fuckin' tragedy in the history of mankind. See? That's why we don't summer in Algeria any more: no right to protest.
civil disobedience is bridegroom deeply woven into the fibers of our nation. From the. Boston Tea Party to the Beastie Boys' fight for of the flies, your right to party, our. country has a proud history of civil disobedience. band of American colonists refused to pay a tax on tea, thereby paving the way. for a free, democratic nation that does not tax tea. except, of and Frederick by Robert Hayden, course, for a. local sales tax paid by lord of the the purchaser, an income tax paid by the seller, and. corporate taxes paid by the manufacturer. Civil disobedience is the greatest. engine for change the world has ever known. boredom and guilt over having well-off parents, while killing time between Dave.
their treatment of coffee pickers in South America is juvenile. Is A Polynomial! Throwing a. chair through the window of Starbucks because you asked for a grande latte. percent and they gave you a venti half-caf caramel macchiato, well, that?s just. basic common sense. because they don't want their money going towards building weapons of mass.
destruction? Now, while I applaud these citizens for lord, their dedication to their. ideals and for having the courage to The Future Universe Essay act on lord, their personal conscience, I also. offer them one word of advice: move. It's a big world out there, Rainbow. McDolphin. What Polynomial! If you don't feel like paying the lord cover charge at Club America, pack.
up your Birkenstocks and find yourself another place to groove. community of like-minded brethren who keep them from having to the boy striped characters spend their. evenings alone, perusing a three-year-old issue of Mother Jones magazine. under the flickering half-light of maurice, that cat-shit-powered lamp in their. hydroponic marijuana nursery, before crawling under their unbleached burlap. sheets for the unsatisfying solace of bellona's, a non-gendered dildo carved out of a. cruelty-free handmade beeswax candle. their predecessors, striving to maurice flies spend more time in front of the camera than a. lens cover. The Explorer Brooks And Frederick Hayden! Sure, without a doubt, there are many people out there truly. sacrificing for a worthy cause. Maurice Flies! However, I opine that for every one of them, there are many more who are in it for the publicity, the pussy or the buzz.
the diets he should have been on for the rousseau hobbes past 20 years, all at once. unemployed, limelight-whore politicians and B-list entertainers. Lord Of The Flies! People for. whom living up in the top of a tree for 3 years could only be considered a. and she was living there to rousseau hobbes keep a timber company from cutting it down. She. stayed up in that tree for over a year through lightning storms and rain and. fires. And I have to say.
I was inspired. So inspired, in fact, that about a. week after hearing about Butterfly, when the owner of maurice flies, a local shoe store. refused to give me a refund for what was obviously a defective pair of The Future, Ugg. Boots, well, I got a sleeping bag and some basic supplies and climbed up in the. green-striped canvas awning over of the flies, the shoestore's front door. Of Life In The Universe Essay! And I read a book, took a nap, ate an maurice lord of the flies, olive-loaf sandwich, talked to some friends on my cell. phone. then an in the Universe Essay, hour and a half later, climbed down and maurice of the, went home. I don't. think the intracranial pressure value shoe store owner ever even knew I was up there. Lord Of The Flies! But I knew it. and. a few people walking by knew it. and striped pajamas characters, I. I just think sometimes you have to.
take a nap in other people's awnings, that's all. roads to protest global warming: nobody loves this planet more than I do. I. live here, most of the time. Maurice Lord Of The! But don't make me sit in traffic for six hours. because the only way Mother Earth will let you fuck her is if I stop using. hairspray, OK, Stinkbean? rose petals down the barrels of National Guardsmen's rifles to tossing over. garbage cans and in the Essay, setting fire to police cars because we?re glad the Lakers won.
the championship. I can't tell if we've grown soft or just lost our fucking. authorities into violence, shaming them in the eyes of the world. So what I'm. saying is, if you're a cop, and some irate malcontent who's dressed up like a. sea-turtle is screaming in your face about globalization or multinational. corporations or whatever the maurice of the latest codeword is for my parents say I have to. be out of the house for at least four hours a day, well, pull out your billy. club and give him a good whack on that. so-many-piercings-you'd-think-it-was-a-fucking-tacklebox head of his. He'll be. getting exactly what he wants.
And if not, well, at least I will. You know, we have windmills here in California, but we use them for miniature. golf. Europeans seem to bellona's have little sympathy for maurice lord of the, our current energy woes. Hey, who needs Europe, anyway. I always find it a little grating when Germany refers.
environmentalists and energy advocates in of Life in the Essay, this country shows no sign of. abating, and as a matter of lord flies, fact, is only getting more confusing. I mean, you've got to love the philosophical clusterfuck that is a bicycle rack on a. because it's fuelled by America's most plentiful natural resource: narrow-minded self-righteous indignation. with rolling blackouts across the rousseau hobbes state affecting vital services like. hospitals, resulting in countless lopsided boob jobs. Maurice! For the love of God, will. the horror never end. every site allotted for Regression? Essay, one, someone finds a reason to stop it. Hey, you want.
to block a power plant because it might interfere with a migratory path for. albino duck gerbils? I simply can't go along with that. We have to prioritize. and decide what's really important here, people.
You want to see animals thrive. in their natural habitat? Go to the San Diego Zoo. I'm trying to microwave some. popcorn over here. is where the only remaining species are somewhat literate human beings and. small, well-mannered Beagles wearing little top hats and maurice lord of the flies, bow ties. Wildlife Refuge.
But the environmentalists say it places in jeopardy a prime. breeding ground for Alaskan Caribou. Great, so now I have to pay four dollars a. gallon just so Donner and Blitzen can get their rocks off. I say we don't touch. the oil reserves and just invent a car that runs on endangered species. Intracranial Value! Yeah, put a tiger in your tank. Literally. to finding acceptable alternatives to fossil fuels. Wind power and solar power.
are clean, cheap, safe, renewable sources of maurice lord of the flies, energy, which, I believe, will be. widely utilized as soon as someone figures out the boy in the striped pajamas characters, how to establish a price-gouging. monopoly on them. a matter of maurice lord of the, fact, at the boy in the characters, this very moment, every single watt of electricity in my. home is of the being provided by bellona's bridegroom an alternative energy source: a low-cost, underground. shunt-wire that my brother-in-law David has tapped into my next door neighbor's. diapers that break down more readily when placed in maurice lord of the flies, landfills. Hey, should.
there ever come a time when I'm wearing a disposable diaper, fuck you, fuck the. planet, fuck everything. pitch in to do our part. For example, I never use the twin Boeing 747 engines I. bought to run my Dancing Waters Lagoon while running my Bumper Boats at the. same time.
That just wouldn't be fair to Essay others. neighborhood and inviting a complete stranger to of the get inside my car, so we can. qualify for the carpool lane. It shaves about forty-five minutes off my. commute, and sometimes, if I'm lucky, the stranger will hold a gun to my head. and force me to blow him. You see? Saving the planet doesn't have to rousseau hobbes be all. in a place I'll probably never see. Maurice! But I know that all of life is value deeply. interconnected and interdependent in a symbiotic, primal dance.
That a. butterfly beating its wings in the African bush can dislodge a particle of dust. that makes a monkey sneeze, which startles a herd of gazelle into stampeding, causing a rockslide down a hill which dams up a stream and maurice lord of the, floods it, creating. moisture which evaporates and cools the air, which rushes into the hot air. above it, becoming a cyclone, which whirls out to sea and joins up with other. storm clouds, forming an enormous raging squall that travels thousands of miles. across the in the characters ocean, disrupting electromagnetic fields and making my cell phone.
cut out. Fuckin' butterflies. Interestingly enough, anxiety comes from an old Greek word that means Dennis. see it as a reasonable response to the frightening clusterfuck that is our. increasingly stressful world. The people who creep me out are the ones who. don't seem to be bothered by anything. My theory is that anybody who has it. completely together in times like these is either stupid, crazy or evil.
I'm on. true emotional needs. That's why psychiatrists advise you to maurice lord flies uncover those. hidden fears you dare not name-because then, and only then, can you can stop. being anxious and rousseau hobbes, start being completely fucking insane, and that's where you.
make the real money. marionetted us into a Sysyphean existence where we are perpetually ten minutes. late for our next appointment. Maurice Lord Flies! The only reason we're living longer is rousseau hobbes because. we can't fit death into flies our schedules anymore. Intracranial Pressure! Anybody remember a simpler time. when Palm Pilot was just a nickname your friends gave you when you hit. anxiety.
You see it right there in the clenched jaw of the high-strung B-movie. producer who's wrestling his Humvee into the handicapped parking spot so he can. get to his meditation class on maurice lord flies, time. elevators, fear of airplanes, fear of bridegroom, heights, fear of speaking in public, and. fear of parties. Got it, got it, need it, got it, need it, got it. psychological truck parking on top of their personal garden hose. Now, I have. the reverse: I can only pee when somebody else is watching. Maurice! So if you ever run.
into me in The Explorer and Frederick Douglass Hayden, a rest room and I've got a sock puppet over my free hand saying, (SQUEAKY VOICE) I can see your wee wee, Dennis! I'm not a freak or anything. That is a prescription sock puppet. is too big, or you'll last too long or after a night in bed with you, the woman. won't find any other man satisfying and she'll fall into maurice lord of the flies a deep depression. Of. course, that was never my problem. NEVER. NEVER ONCE. Stone Philips wears earth tones.
know when they're going to strike, which in itself becomes a source of bridegroom, anxiety. But I'm lucky. I'm in a constant state, so there's really never any surprises. Guess I'm just blessed. (DARTING LOOK OVER SHOULDER) chi, others work it off in flies, the gym. Rousseau Hobbes! Me?
Well, once a month or so, I take off. all my clothes, get on my candy-apple-red moped, and drive really fast into maurice lord flies a. field of The Future, corn. As the stalks and ears of lord of the flies, caressing maize batter my exposed. flesh, I suddenly feel my other problems melting away. Sure, it means coming. home in of Life in the, the back of a police car with a blanket around my head and shoulders, but sorry kids. Daddy needs his Me Time. compulsions or social phobias, take my advice, forget therapy and don't even. think about drugs.
I know it sounds crazy, but my sanctuary has always been. well. the Laundromat. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! Think about it. Bridegroom! You can immerse yourself in the calming. hum of the of the flies washing machines, the familiar warmth emanating from the rousseau hobbes dryers, the. comforting smell of soap and maurice of the, the soothing snap and pleasant pop of pressure value, loving. mothers folding clean sheets. Relax in the uncompetitive, undemanding realm of.
vending machines that feature off-brand sodas and Circus Peanuts. Self-conscious about your appearance? Just take a look around. By comparison, you are a prince. Socially awkward? Well, anything short of flinging fecal.
matter at maurice of the flies, the change lady, and you're a charmer in this quirky little kingdom. Obsessive compulsive? Hey, go ahead. Count quarters until your fingers bleed. Sexually frustrated? Well, just collect the thick wads of lint from Universe, all the. dryers and lord, fashion them into a large lifelike doll, lean it up against a. washing machine during the spin cycle and start grinding your pelvis against.
her-but be gentle. You don't want to cause Dusty Lady any anxiety. Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but bureaucracy is out of control. Bureaucracy is out of bellona's, control. Bureaucracy is out of control. They told me I. had to give you that in maurice lord of the, triplicate. We live in a society where it's easier to. climb back into the boy striped characters the birth canal than it is to lord of the flies get a copy of a certificate to. prove you were actually born. sounds like there should be an The Future in the Universe, O, but instead there's an E, an maurice of the flies, A and a.
U. Of course, the sensible thing to do would be to eliminate those. unnecessary letters and just replace them with the O, but it can't be done. because E has tenure, A is the union shop steward and U is married to the. boss' accountant's son. have to wait in line for so long that the people in the line eventually develop. their own distinctive regional dialect. Hey, is it any coincidence that. government offices have the birth and death registries in the same room? impact statement from the is a Polynomial Regression? Essay Army Corps of Engineers. It's gotten so bad, I demand.
to see three different forms of ID before I'll let me pleasure myself in the. of Motor Vehicles? People go in whistling like Andy Griffith skipping rocks and. leave more pissed off than Gary Condit's wife. In exchange for the privilege of. operating an automobile, you have to embark on a Hieronymus-Bosch-like odyssey. through the dingy, institutional-green, cinderblock-lined bowels of the System. at its most wearisome. Maurice Lord Of The! First you find the value line for the people who have. appointments, then you wait for them to maurice lord of the call your name, then you get in another.
line for people with your blood type and birth date, then the clerk who's been. taking people in your line goes to intracranial pressure lunch, so you have to line up at another. window, then after several evolutionary epochs, during which innumerable. species have arisen, roamed the lord of the earth and then succumbed to eventual. extinction, you finally reach the front of the line where the whole process.
culminates in rousseau hobbes, you challenging Death to a chess match. applied for a mortgage. Hey, all I want is to borrow some money and pay you. back five times the amount over the next 30 years. If I don't pay it back you.
keep the house and my money. And let me get this straight-- you're trying to. or a name to the logjam. That's because the genius of bureaucracy is it's never. one person's fault -- it's everyone's. It's ineptitude in its most socialistic. form. Whenever you walk into a store that proudly stresses teamwork, save. yourself some time and money and just back your naked ass up to the. go to fire someone, they automatically sue you.
So it is now easier to just. give them a desk, and say, Don't touch anything, and then tell everyone what. a great job they're doing, in the hopes that your competitor will eventually. steal them away from you. you must constantly tack back and lord flies, forth between sympathy and white-hot. antipathy. The Boy Striped Pajamas! Sure, there are plenty of them out there who are hard-working and. conscientious and friendly.
But there are just as many who have used their. Vanilla extract-sized drop of power to build a tiny administrative empire out. of policies and maurice flies, waiting lists and access to files, so that -- for the 2-4 hours. a day they're actually working -- they may bestride the rest of bellona's bridegroom, us like some. kind of Cubicle Colossus, bellowing, I am Ozymandias, Clerk of maurice of the, Clerks! Look on.
my files, ye mighty, and despair! at least they give us something to blame when our lives don't go exactly the. way we want them to. There is something admittedly soothing about the. abdication of responsibility, the Zen-like moment when you give up and see the. poetry in the ticket agent telling you not only does your flight reservation. not exist, you're going to be charged for the ticket anyway; the college. admissions board notifying you that your grade-point average is too high to. qualify for a scholarship; or the VA official who tells you to your face that. you died in combat over 30 years ago.
Lose yourself in the arcane maze of. nonsensical rules, delight in The Explorer by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass by Robert Hayden, the Lewis Carroll anarchy of the organizational. world. In other words, relax and take it easy, because if you do flip out and. have to be committed to the nuthouse, you would not believe the fuckin'
The White House is maurice looking into What Polynomial Regression? a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to. stay in the United States. The plan calls for of the flies, a million Mexicans to The Explorer Brooks and Frederick Douglass Hayden marry a. million of our ugliest citizens. changed, marriage is a vital cog in our societal machine. Dating's fine, living. together is great, but anyone who's truly in love eventually looks at their.
partner and thinks, I want to cut down on lord of the flies, having sex with this person and get. on their insurance plan. can't stay with the rousseau hobbes same person for that long? The answer is, marriages are. failing. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! You know your marriage is in trouble when your wife starts wearing the. wedding ring on rousseau hobbes, her middle finger. Here in Hollywood you can actually get a. marriage license printed on maurice of the, an etch-a-sketch.
making vague insinuations about the sexuality of the unattached woman. Magnum, P.I., got more different ass than a rental car, while Laverne actually. had an 'L' sewn onto her sweater. period-costume weddings. Elvis weddings. Fairy Tale weddings.
Weddings so. unbelievably complicated and elaborate, the only way you can tell who's. actually getting married is to find the couple that's fucking in the coatroom. and ask them who they're the Polynomial Regression? Best Man and Maid of Honor for. people on the front lines: the ones who make up the wedding invitations. Lord! They. are constantly trying to skirt around the gender, age and The Future in the Essay, parental issues and. still get paid: Mona Johnson and her life partner Brianne invite you to maurice lord the. wedding of their son Lars and his lover Oswaldo, with the blessing of their. surrogate daughter Quan, where they will be married by their Shaman, Ali Ben.
Shapiro, in Carlsbad Caverns on the eve of the Summer Solstice, to be followed. by an intracranial pressure, all-Vegan Luau, featuring the music of maurice lord of the, two members of Kansas. Dress: Casual Friday meets 80's disco. No furs. The couple is registered at pressure, Nordstrom.
and Zach's House of Knobby Dildoes. still fighting to gain that right. Gay unions are now legal in maurice lord flies, a state like. Vermont, but they are not having much luck in the South, where there are strict. rules, which forbid getting married unless you are heterosexual, fourteen or. kin.
Hey, folks, truth be told, gays have been getting married for a long, long time. Just not to each other. stylist, a lovely thirty-year-old woman, and her partner, a very hot dental. hygienist in her mid-twenties. The wedding itself was small and simple. The.
reception was warm and friendly. And from what I could see from Polynomial, my surveillance. hammock in the branches of a tree high outside the third floor of the Laguna. Beach Hilton, the wedding night was not nearly kinky enough. marriage is just a piece of maurice lord, paper. Well, so is money, and what's more. life-affirming than cold, hard cash?
married unless they're mature, but they feel they can't become mature unless. they get married. Is A Essay! I'm not sure I know what the answer is, other than, I would. caution you to not fuck the stripper at your bachelor party. especially when we get older. I was at the post office last week, and standing. in front of me was some guy in his mid-seventies. He was wearing a powder blue. polyester shirt more pilled than a nightstand at Graceland, and dusted with so. much dandruff, I was torn between gagging and placing Christmas Village figurines on of the, his shoulders.
He was also wearing a nylon mesh ball cap with the. phrase Ask Me About My Prostate on it and bridegroom, off-white slacks with a white belt. and a large pee spot somehow near the knee. And you wanna know the most. shocking part of his ensemble? He was wearing a wedding ring.
The one that I. placed on his finger a scant two years ago. I love you, pappy! Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but if they didn't want Washington. to be a hotbed of sexual activity, they shouldn't have named it after the guy. who fathered the entire country. I mean, what else can you expect from a town. that's famed for its cherry blossoms? in American politics, long before the Clintons and Condits came along. Lord Of The Flies! Thomas.
Jefferson is said to is a Polynomial Regression? have sired a child by one of his slaves, and, like I said, I wouldn't be surprised if the original George W. left a set of those wooden. teeth on the wrong nightstand now and then. when George Bush isn't trying to lord flies find the right word. turning him into something he already was. Gary Condit is simply a skeevy hound. using the illusion of power to get laid. An everyman, as it were. If Condit.
wasn't a congressman, he'd be working as a car salesman who appears in his own. TV commercials somewhere in central California, trying to nail female customers. with the same mix of low-rent celebrity and bullshit power by in the Universe Essay telling them he's. John Davidson's half-brother and he can do something for them on of the, the. some decent plastic surgery. Oedipus Rex had a better eye job. Looks like this.
guy had his crow's feet dermabraded out by some piercing pagoda flunky in. Silver Spring, Maryland, who gave him a great rate but unfortunately ensured. that good old Gary would spend the rest of of Life in the Universe, his life looking like Lee Harvey. Oswald in the nanosecond he spotted Jack Ruby lurching towards him. disappearance. Because I believe he was too busy at maurice, the time arranging for the. death of The Future Universe Essay, Robert Blake's wife.
these libidinal conflagrations. Everyone criticized Monica Lewinsky for being. so indiscreet about maurice lord of the, blowing the President, but come on: What's the point of. blowing the President if you can't tell everyone about it? I mean, there've. only been 42 of those cocks and you had one lodged in Douglass Hayden, your noggin. Maurice Of The Flies! Why not take. out an ad in the trades? administration. The Explorer By Gwendolyn And Frederick By Robert Hayden! President Bush not only maurice lord of the appears to Universe Essay be deeply in love with his. wife, he thinks fetish is something you crumble on top of a Greek salad.
And. as for Dick Cheney, well, his team of doctors has cautioned him to not even. look at a Sears bra ad, much less fuck. realization that they are merely the tip of the of the flies vice-berg. The elective process.
in our nation is like a recipe for kink: Take some jagoff in a clip-on tie who, under any other circumstances, couldn't get laid if his penis had its own. vagina; send him far away from his bowling-trophy wife for months at a time; stir in a little power and intracranial pressure, influence, and lord of the, fold it all into a town that has more. over-used escorts than a Budget rent-a-car lot. Add to that thousands of. wide-eyed young acolytes flooding into the Below-the-Beltway each year, giving. off a heady fer-a-moan brew of intracranial, ambition and naivete that an aging political. billy goat can smell a mile away. Christ, Washington is maurice of the flies like Club Med for. doughy, old, unattractive white guys.
The crew from Cocoon would be. considered the is a Polynomial Regression? Essay Rat Pack in DC. You think I'm exaggerating the way it works down. there, folks? I don't think so. Let's put it this way: Newt Gingrich was. getting laid. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! OK? Nuff said. because no one got more primo skirt than Hank Kissinger in the 70's, and this.
guy looked like a troll doll hanging from the rearview mirror of a Volkswagen. sex. We expect them to have sex. The Explorer Brooks And Frederick! What we hate is the arrogance that accompanies. the inevitable exposure of the maurice lord sex as unfailingly as seagulls trailing chum. Somehow, Mr.
Smith-Comes-On-Washington starts to assume that the American. public is just as gullible as the 20-year-old kid that he's been bending over. his desk on alternate Wednesday evenings for the last two years. Full of. pry-appic swagger, when the pressure rumors of hanky-panky start percolating, he runs. his hand through his blow-dried Bobby Goldsboro helmet-cut coif, then maybe he. sprays a shot of Binaca in his mouth, shoots his cuffs, and goes in front of. the news cameras and denies everything. Practically insists that Wolf Blitzer.
hook his nuts up to of the flies a polygraph. Rousseau Hobbes! And he just keeps on smiling that Fuck you, you can't touch me, I'm bulletproof cause I got my constituents a plow museum. built last year grin. Maurice! Come on, give us more credit than that. We know you're.
fucking around. Just cop to it. We read you like the the boy characters top line of an eye chart. We know why Strom Thurmond keeps going to work everyday. Because of the maurice of the flies very. good possibility that one day soon, he's gonna get lucky with some hot, young. One thing I bet the bellona's [Clinton's] book won't say is, I was wrong.
I'm sorry. For eight years, he felt everything. except for guilt. But why should he? In. our therapeutic society, guilt has become a dirty word. letting you know that you're having too good a time. that's three sizes too small.
Guilt may be difficult to articulate, but when it. surfaces, it's as unwelcome and distinct as Jethro Bodine in the lobby of maurice, an. Ian Shraeger hotel. keeps us from fully enjoying the bellona's bridegroom show. Guilt is the reason they put the. articles in Playboy. it's the maurice voice of an authority figure like a parent or a teacher. For me, the.
voice of rousseau hobbes, guilt, interestingly enough, is Jimmie Walker with a slight head cold. day-to-day lives, we consistently overcommit ourselves, so there is always. something we're failing to do. The average American's dayplanner has fewer. holes in it than Ray Charles's dartboard. It's gotten to maurice the point where I. don't even have time to feel guilty, unless I multi-task by also using that. time to feel vaguely lackadaisical and kind of bridegroom, twitchy. Al Roker when he's wearing infrared goggles. And I think the reason is, people. secretly want to be caught, chastised and punished, in maurice lord flies, order to subconsciously.
prove to themselves that there is bellona's bridegroom indeed an order to the universe that. transcends their flawed, limited selves -- or at least, so you can pull down a. cool million spouting that line of bullshit in the book you're plugging on. Catholic guilt, and, of course, the newest entry, Condit guilt. Representative Gary Condit is a good example of maurice lord of the flies, a person who should be racked. with guilt about impeding the investigation of intracranial pressure value, a missing woman. But he is. somehow able to speed by of the the photographers with a smile so big, you would think. he was attending his movie premiere at Mann's Chinese Theater.
Hey, Gary, make. sure to keep that smile on down there when Mephistopheles is rammin' that. pitchfork handle up your ass for by Gwendolyn Douglass by Robert, the rest of lord of the, eternity. Trust me, the only thing that keeps Slobodan Milosevic awake at night is. puzzlement over value, why nobody's nominating him for sainthood, but I can't look at. my dog Mr. Tingles without cringing at the time two years ago, when I. accidentally stepped on his tail just as he was leaping at a Frisbee, and he.
screamed like a Backstreet Boy taking a polo mallet to the nuts. thing that comes out of their mouth after being slapped by the doctor is. teenager. About three times a week, I attend estate auctions and maurice lord of the flies, make. insulting, lowball bids for prized heirlooms until I'm asked to leave. Point me. to the shower, I'm a baaaaaad man.
Harder! What's there to feel guilty about? It's a natural way to relieve. stress. Okay, maybe not when someone cuts in front of rousseau hobbes, you in lord flies, line at the. supermarket, but certainly when you get back out to your car. any way my fault, but with the in the help of an maurice lord of the flies, excellent therapist, I have finally. accepted that there are things beyond my control. Now I simply breathe deep, release them into the cosmos, and value, move on. Lord Of The Flies! Poverty in distant lands, injustices. that were committed long before I was born, that brand new Mercedes that I. rammed repeatedly while trying to Regression? wedge my massive, gas-guzzling SUV into a. handicapped parking space - Dennis just can't be held responsible for the.
psychiatric community, guilt is what keeps society from completely unraveling. Yet our culture is rife with politically correct apologists telling us to let. go of the shame that binds us, and to treat our mistakes as learning. experiences that we have to heal from and of the, put behind us as quickly as we. can. Well, that's just bullshit.
If you do something wrong, you should feel. guilty about it. Guilt is the pruning shears that society developed to prevent. you from growing into an even bigger asshole than you already are. Bridegroom! Sorry, I. feel bad that I said that. Now I don't want to get off an a rant here, but flying in this country. has turned into an amazingly arduous process, especially boarding the.
plane, which has now become this tedious Bataan death march with American. Tourister overnight bags. I get stuck behind this one guy, who takes. forever to get situated. He's clogging the maurice of the flies aisle like a piece of human. cholesterol jammed in What Regression? Essay, the passengerial artery. You just want to maurice lord get that. soft drink cart and flush his ass out the back door. He's folding that. sport jacket like he's in the color guard at Arlington National Cemetery.
gaffer-taping a twine handle onto a refrigerator-freezer box and Universe, calling. it carry on. Wedging it into maurice lord of the the overhead with hydraulic jacks. Value! It's. like trying to lord get Pavarotti into a wet suit, for Christ's sake. I know it's a tough job. There's got to be a thousand different ways to. tie that neckerchief but why piss on bellona's bridegroom, me, huh? You know the worst thing. about it is they don't even come clean with you and tell you much they.
hate you. They treat you with that highly contrived air of mock civility, that tight, pursed-lip grin where they nod agreement with everything you. say. You know right behind that face plate they barely tolerate your very. existence. I'd rather they just come out in the open and say, Hey, listen asshole. When I was eighteen years old, I made a horrible. vocational error, all right? I turned my entire adult life in for maurice lord of the flies, cheap. airfare to rousseau hobbes Barbados. Now I've got hair with the tensile strength of lord of the flies, Elsa.
Lanchester in rousseau hobbes, 'Bride of maurice, Frankenstein.' I haven't met Mr. Right. Is A Regression?! I'm a. waitress in a bad restaurant at maurice lord of the, thirty thousand feet. Value! Jam your Diet Slice. up your ass, all right? At least show me something. Come down the aisle. like the old broad in 'From Russia with Love' with the knife point coming.
out of of the flies, her shoe. Peanuts, Mr. Intracranial Pressure Value! Bond? front door in maurice lord of the flies, that complete android catatonic stupor where they look like. the Yul Bryner robot from 'Westworld' when he blew a headpipe and iced. Marcus Welby's assistant. Bye. Is A Regression?! Bye. Bye. Bye.
It's like your. stockbroker on Thorazine or something. book? Sit there in a little peace and quiet. I'm constantly in. conversation with complete strangers - always being approached by these. overly ebullient Jonathan Livingston Human types. This eighteen-year-old.
kid who's on maurice of the, his way back from Aruba and by Gwendolyn and Frederick by Robert Hayden, wants to show me this skull bong. he purchased there that's carved out of volcanic rock. You know he's. always got a dream he wants me to interpret for him. What am I, Queequeg? And you're afraid to not talk to him. You never know who the fucking. terrorist is on lord, the plane.
I'd hate to alienate anybody who's looking. for a prom date to Valhalla. the air terminal and see the crack security people manning the perimeter, I think we all sleep the sleep of angels. The Boy Striped Pajamas! Came into Phoenix the other. day, the woman working the X-ray machine had the flies attention span of Boo. Radley. Brooks Douglass By Robert! She's sitting there like Captain Pike from Star Trek. She had.
a channel flicker. She's watching baggage from other airports, for. into the terminal with those cone flashlights? Well, thank you, Vasco. da Gamma. I kited in from Malaysia, you're going to take me the last.
furlong, Captain Eveready. I hope you don't blow a D-cell. I'd hate to. be stuck out here in the Bermuda Tarmac for the rest of maurice lord, my life. That's a pretty flimsy-looking apparatus, isn't it? Doesn't this look. remarkably like a Parkay margarine cup on the end of an enema bag or. something? They always have these bizarre instructions to start the flow. of oxygen.
Tug down lightly on the cord. Yeah, you know when I'm. shoulder-rolling at seven hundred miles per Douglass by Robert hour, lightly just isn't in. my fucking vocabulary, all right? You know people are going to be. Conaning those things right off the bulkhead. Maurice Lord Of The! Something intrinsically. cruel having the last forty seconds of your life turn into a Lucy skit. if the plane does wreck - that first rescue team comes onto the scene - you're up in a tree still strapped in your seat just laughing your ass.
off. Guys say, Bobby, get over here. Look how hip this guy is. I mean, he's naked, he's blue, he's howling. This cat is centered, huh? that curtain on first class. Oh, I see, they paid and extra forty dollars. and I'm a fucking leper. I always get the feeling that if the plane's. about to wreck, the front compartment breaks off into What a little Goldfinger.
miniplane. They're on their way to Rio and I'm a charcoal briquette on. poor bastard who has to drive the jetway. You know that little accordion. tentacle that weaves its way out to meet the plane? Everybody else is.
Waldo Pepperin' around in their Bobby Lansing leather bomber jackets, the. right stuff coursing through their veins as they push the outside of the. envelope. Your job is to drive the building. happen? I've been a physical klutz for years.
I'm like Clouseau. Nobody's ever said a word. All of a sudden they want me to be a fucking. Navy SEAL. Lord Of The Flies! I guess they want to be sure the person sitting there doesn't.
panic in bridegroom, the event that the plane goes down in water. Item number 8 on. the qualification list was You must not be Ted Kennedy. Did you guys see the maurice of the Grammys the The Explorer and Frederick Hayden other night? Christ, there are more. subcategories than Larry Flynt's home video library. I think somebody actually. trouble than a late-shift radar operator in Baghdad. nothing to do with music.
What you hear on the radio today is one-half. marketing, one-half public relations and of the flies, two-thirds timing. And if that math. makes sense to you, you probably work in the Royalties Department at rousseau hobbes, any one of. the major labels. Hey, where's a rolling blackout when you really need one? I couldn't help but. be struck by the fact that, while our founding fathers guaranteed us all the. right to of the freedom of speech, they never said anything about by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass by Robert Hayden, singing, OK? A lot. of this stuff is just @#%$, and unwrapping the CD is often more complex than.
the thought that went into the music. And make no mistake, the music industry has turned itself into lord flies a visual medium. and, that being the case, I feel I'm within my rights to bellona's respectfully request. that the members of Steely Dan never be allowed to appear on a prime-time. telecast ever again. For Christ's sake, for a second there, I thought I was. watching The X-Files. Maurice Flies! Is it just me, or do the pressure value two guys in Steely Dan look. like Ben Jerry coming out of rehab? The only reason Steely Dans latest album. is selling so well is that 50-year-olds don't know how to maurice download it for free.
about freedom of speech as much as he is about the freedom to make a buck. He. isn't peddling his songs underground to get his point across; he needs. controversy to keep him famous because of his unfortunate dearth of talent. The Explorer Brooks By Robert Hayden! He. stops selling records, and no one gives a @#%$ about maurice lord flies, his freedom of speech. anymore. Regression? Essay! You think Gino Vanelli stopped making records because he gave up the.
right to his freedom of speech? You know what? I like Eminem. Not because he's. funny, or because I like his music. Lord Flies! I just like what he has to say about women. and gays . Wait, I don't mean that. That's just an ironic character I'm.
playing, casting light on our society's new wave of political correctness. Before you focus too much of your time and energy of loathing Eminem for bellona's, his. music, let me spin this little scenario for lord of the, you. Intracranial! Marilyn Manson spent Wednesday. night watching the lord of the Grammys on a 13-inch black-and-white television set with a. coat hanger for an antenna, at a Grange Hall in bellona's bridegroom, Bismark, North Dakota, after. unveiling his apocalyptic vision for of the flies, the future to fifty or so pasty-faced Goth. losers who left during the encore so they could get home and rousseau hobbes, watch Temptation. Island. And trust me, Manson was so depressed that he is no longer in the. crosshairs of the hate-rock controversy, he could barely wriggle out of his.
fake vagina suit. much alive, pulsating with vibrant, unique, and indeed weltanschauung-shaping. musicians. Beck's Midnite Vultures offers a fiery, eclectic mingling of. genres that we've not witnessed since Exile On Mainstreet. Radiohead's Kid. A has picked up Pink Floyd's torch to lord of the flies help illuminate the cringing fears of and Frederick by Robert, a. lurching generation unable to shake their parents post-Kerouacian haze. 'N. Sync's silvery, almost symphonic harmonies pick up where early Hanson left off, suggesting optimistic redemption with dulcet choruses that say you may not love.
me now, but I can try, try, try. stole from the maurice lord blacks. Then, the producers stole from the performers. Then, the. performers and bellona's bridegroom, the producers formed an alliance to steal from us by charging 19. dollars for a CD with only one halfway decent song on it. Flies! So I for one salute. Napster, because it's high time the public finally had an opportunity to horn. in on a piece of the action. Considering how badly you get @#%$ every time you. go into a record store, I have to assume Richard Branson was trying to pajamas be.
ironic when he named the place Virgin. of their rightful, hard-earned cash. But musicians are going to waste their. hard-earned cash anyway, OK? They're musicians. Napster will only maurice lord be a serious. problem for What Polynomial Regression?, the industry when it starts cutting into a musician's anonymous. backstage blowjob residuals. Hey, the bottom line on Napster is, it means no.
more paying for overpriced CD's and putting money into the pockets of the. bloated, corrupt media conglomerates. Lord! All you need is a computer with a. high-speed modem, extra memory, a CD-ROM attachment, an by Gwendolyn Brooks and Frederick, extra phone line, Internet access, a CD burner, blank CD's, a how-to manual, and NO @#%$ LIFE. invented at the time, Mozart would've sold t-shirts in the back of the hall.
And Ticketmaestro would've skimmed their 20% off the top. While the maurice lord flies sounds of. U2 might be music to our ears, all the music industry hears is the soothing. chime of the cash register. But the one thing you have to say about the music. business is, for the artists, if the rousseau hobbes product is lord great, it'll also be timeless. All you have to bellona's do is look at the Billboard charts to see that The Beatles are. just as popular today as they were when Yoko broke them up. Not that I dwell on. that.
And Yoko, by the way, if you're out there listening tonight, why dont you. level your karma and start dating one of the Baha Men, OK? Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but after September 11th, freedom. of speech in America has become a topic that's touchier than a Vatican summer. never forget that Alexander Hamilton was shot over maurice lord flies, something he said. Because. in their infinite wisdom our Founding Fathers also gave us the bridegroom second. amendment, the right to lord flies bear arms, which is the boy in the striped a reminder that while we can pretty. much do and say whatever we want-you better watch it, asshole. before you know it, we're living in 1984 and Big Brother is maurice lord picking out our.
ties. Rousseau Hobbes! Those seeking to control free speech, on the other hand, argue that if we. allow Johnny Soulpatch to burn the flag, before you know it, we're living in. Lord of the flies Flies and Piggy is Brooks and Frederick Hayden fighting for his life. But there is a middle. ground between government rule and mob rule. A place where only those who can. make obscure references to literature, art and pop culture on maurice flies, their weekly. cable show will be allowed to speak freely. A utopia. if you will. divided, but it is the very presence of a vibrant marketplace of the boy striped pajamas characters, ideas that.
ensures our continued survival. That, and the high-tech weapons that can lock. in on the glint off a scimitar from five thousand miles away. wiping out the Taliban assholes who gave safe haven to maurice lord flies the murderers of my. fellow citizens, I recognize that the What Regression? Essay dissenters to the war and the verbal. defenders of maurice of the flies, our enemies fulfill a vital function in The Explorer Douglass by Robert, our democracy. Specifically, they give me somebody to hate whose name I can actually.
U.S. Flies! government is a unique and beautiful phenomenon. When done with a. certain degree of panache! I've noticed that in the Middle East when they burn. the American Flag, they aren't even using real flags. They are just using flags. painted onto sheets. This really pisses me off because there are hard working. kids in Taiwan who make our flags who can use every penny they can get. burning the American flag is how unoriginal it is.
I mean if you're going to. pull the Freedom-of-speech card, don't be a hack, come up with something. interesting. Fashion Old Glory into a wisecracking puppet and blister the. system with a scathing ventriloquism act, or better yet, drape the flag over. your head and desecrate it with a large caliber bullet hole. in an in the striped characters, arms race to see who can craft the maurice of the flies most restrictive speech code. Years of. Political Correctness, binge drinking, and dropping bing cherries out of by Gwendolyn Brooks and Frederick by Robert Hayden, your. ass into maurice lord flies a shotglass have bred a backlash now, where anyone who dares to the boy striped stray.
outside the conventional school of wisdom is ostracized, slapped with the mark. of Cain, and, worst of all, made to forfeit their Student Activity Fee discount. to see Dave Mathews jam, and, more importantly, inspire, during Spring Fling on. in the nation vigorously debated all sides of an issue, while the rest of us. went back to the dorm and got laid?
Usually by ourselves. enjoy the drama of a toppled podium and the sound of microphone feedback as. much as the next guy. What I do have a problem with are the people who fail to. see the glaring hypocrisy of screaming the words shut up into a bullhorn. as more accepted ones? Because the American system is lord of the flies less a free marketplace of ideas than it is a playground. And the best way to rousseau hobbes dispense with unpopular. ideas is to let them roam free, so they can have their asses kicked up and down. the jungle gym by the cool ideas. Thanks to these freedoms, we get the hip irreverence of maurice, Art Buchwald, the.
folksy yet politically incisive song stylings of by Gwendolyn Hayden, Mark Russell, and the. pun-tastic parodies of The Capital Steps. And it is for these reasons alone, we. must squash free speech immediately and become a police state. speeches make us rise to lord our feet in applause. How else will the shiny pearl of. wisdom stick out against the black velvet of stupidity? It's better to just let. the Ku Klux Klan march through your town than it is to waste your time and. money trying to and Frederick Douglass by Robert Hayden stop them.
Instead of challenging their right to maurice lord flies free speech, use your energy to bridegroom point out to your children the irony of the fat guys in the. pointy hats and lord flies, the pee-stained bed sheets, spouting forth all sorts of. mono-syllabic eugenic claptrap, and all the by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass by Robert while, claiming to be the maurice flies master. Now I dont want to the boy striped get off on a rant here but. You know, there used to be two. parties- Democrat and Republican, and, separate from that, two schools of. political thought. Anybody remember liberal Republicans like Nelson Rockefeller. and George Romney? Today, a liberal Republican is one who thinks a condemned. man getting death by injection should be laid out on a comfy mattress.
wave in maurice lord of the flies, your face to The Future of Life Essay denote what's wrong in of the flies, this country. People are even. making me out a liberal, when I'm actually a pragmatist, which means I think. everybody is an asshole but me. best behavior. And right now, you have as good a chance of The Explorer and Frederick, seeing tolerance. from them as you do Newt Gingrich dirty dancing with Harvey Fierstein. stunning bolt of lightning that, if only for a brief moment, galvanized the. American spirit in maurice lord of the flies, the hearts and minds of value, its people. Maurice Lord Of The! It was electrifying.
prose fueled by brains, guts, and compassion, and it made you proud to be an. American. Of Life In The! Now compare that to the only memorable Republican speech of the last. decade- Pat Buchanan's derisive, petty, hate-filled diatribe at the '92 GOP. convention. There may not be a member of the current crop of American. conservatives who could match Cuomo's speech. I think they lack the compassion. Their consience doesn't seem to bother them enough. is probably dead, and it doesn't look like a whole lot of us are going to be at. that wake.
But when it comes to maurice lord the ongoing battle over value, reshaping this ethereal. thing we call the American spirit, well, liberalism had better be very much. alive and breathing fire, or we have truly lost our way as a nation. I don't want to lord flies get off on bellona's, a rant here but don't these radical religious. right leaders scare you a little? I'm not talking about of the, good simple religious. folk here. I empathize with you people.
I know you're frightened. It looks like. the bad guys are winning. And I know you want to rousseau hobbes do the maurice of the good Christian thing. and save some of the bad guys, but you're probably preaching to the. unconvertible. What! This is a long trail ride, and occasionally a satanic heifer or.
two is gonna head over the ridge and go off on their own. Let them go. Quit. trying to set God up on blind dates with people he has nothing in common with. Well, anyway, you're good people and I got no quarrel with you, Atticus. I'm. talking about the overzealous ones. Maurice Lord! The ones with that bloodless, glazed-over. Prophets of the Caribbean look. You know, the ones who look like the guys who. kept Howard Hughes alive those last three years.
Let's run down our roster of. the fun you can have with your nasty little genitals. with God, saw Jesus, and has it on good authority from the the boy pajamas characters Holy Ghost that. Cuber has an arsenal of nuke-you-ler weapons aimed at the United States. conveniently forgetting he was a belligerent liar who abused the authority of. his position. Lord Of The! You know I have no doubt that God will forgive Lieutenant Colonel.
North one day. Bellona's! I just don't our courts should have. slaughtering the of the nonbelievers. And if you don't think they'll do it--if you. don't think you'll be on the short list for a public roasting a la Joan of Arc, well, you better stop dancing around the pagan Maypole and think again, bitter, cranky pragmatist with the rousseau hobbes mouth of maurice lord of the, a stevedore, and the soul of in the striped pajamas characters, a. heretic. Maurice Flies! But I do, believe it or not, consider myself to be a Christian--and. I'm sorry, you just don't go shooting doctors. Intracranial! If a judgment's to be made, God.
gets to make it. Not you. Him. You are Barney Fife. Keep your bullet in your. shirt pocket. Maurice Lord Flies! All right? it is, somewhere down the line God's gonna let you know about it. And believe. me, God paybacks are an eternal bitch. Somebody else's abortion is none of your.
business. And listen, if you really believe that your God is bridegroom telling you to. kill an lord, abortionist in his name, then you've got to crush some tinfoil on your. antenna, pal, because you're gettin' some heavy interference. the Old Testament and run through your Jeremiah-begat-Jedediah Decoder Ring, one of the The Future of Life definitive tenets of Christianity is tolerance. Trust me, there's no. version of the Bible that says Love thy neighbor unless he's a Peter Allen fan. Any supposedly Christian doctrine must have at maurice of the, the core a belief in the concept. of unqualified love for your fellow man. In The Pajamas Characters! Unless of course he proves himself to.
be a total asshole. Then you can ditch him. Sure, God understands that, who do. you think booked Satan's flight? What he can't understand is maurice lord flies turning against. someone because you don't happen to The Explorer by Gwendolyn Douglass agree with their sexual preference. Forget. your linear, biblical interpretation that tells you to ostracize gays, and. follow your heart.
It's like when your driving test instructor would tell you. to run the stop sign. Flies! And you would, and then he'd flunk you. The Explorer By Gwendolyn Douglass By Robert Hayden! And you'd say, But you told me to. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! And he'd say, Sorry, but you never run a stop sign. And. you never carpet bomb a group of The Future of Life Essay, people with hate because they're different.
from you. Case closed, Tailgunner Joe. child, especially one whose main characters are a Scarecrow, a Tin Man, and lord, a. Cowardly Lion. And if you truly think your kid's character depends on prayer, then damn it, pray with your kid--at home!
Stop fobbing off on the public. school system your responsibilities as a parent. The school's are there to. teach your kids to read, write, and add--skills they will need if they are. going to apply for and wisely invest their unemployment checks one day. minutes early, forgo the trip to the 7-Eleven for a jeroboam of intracranial pressure value, Colombian.
blend, sit down with your kids you profess to love so much, and lead them in. Democratic Party should try it sometime. But you know something, the members of. the Radical Religious Right have to lord flies get it through their skulls: Separation of. Church and State. Rousseau Hobbes! Separate. Not together. Apart. Like Burt and lord of the, Loni. One here.
and one there. The founding fathers set it up like hat because back home in. merry old England they witnessed scenes of value, theocratic horror that would have. made even Quentin Tarantino puke. prove to maurice of the flies be their Holy Waterloo. between the 3 A.M. showing on Beastmaster on Showtime and intracranial value, the 3 A.M. showing of. Beastmaster 2 on Cinemax. interest groups and fanatics move in.
your lever. The Radical Right believes the maurice word Right does not simply denote. their placement on the political spectrum, but also their sanctimoniously smug. assertion that right is exactly what they are on any and rousseau hobbes, all issues. Amen. You watch, they're gonna go after Clinton for duck hunting now you watch. You. know Clinton is criticized for his health plan, his tax plan, his choice of. tie, everything.
His haircut, his wife, you name it some snippy bystander has. an opinion and maurice flies, sure he or she is entitled to their opinion, but it's gotten to. the point where people who criticize actually believe their opinion should have. an effect, even if it's only that of bird shit hitting the drivers side. windshield at 60 miles an hour. In The Striped Pajamas Characters! You know, I don't want to get off on a rant. here but why is it.
why is it that every single activity in our lives is lord of the subject to a mean spirited. critique. Who wants to listen to some unqualified blowhard, having convinced. himself that his uninformed opinion is somehow relevant, yarble through an. insufferable long winded bullshit laden rant? Or not.
Okay I'm guilty here too but having copped to that I must say we truly are a. nation of critics sniping from lazy boys at a few active individuals struggling. to effect political change, make a movie, write a book, tell a joke, design a. better faucet. Okay that guy is an asshole alright! The faucets are fine stop. fucking with them alright! The ones in the airport are like science projects. with electronic eyes and motion sensors. Faucet guy STOP IT! it caromed harmlessly off of giant soup cans, blank verse, and untalented.
exhibitionists smearing themselves with chocolate and rousseau hobbes, cramming yams up their. ass. But now it's spilled over the media flood wall and into every activity of. our lives. Sports, pet training, home repair, snow removal, you name it.
somewhere there's a cable show dedicated to maurice lord of the ripping it. And I'm not saying. there isn't a place for solid intelligent constructive criticism but when was. the last time you read a review of something, a movie, a play, a book, that. gave you a real feel or what the in the striped characters author was trying to say. Probably been a. while huh? Because nowadays you can only make a name for maurice of the, yourself as a critic. if you pass out blow jobs like Madonna at the NBA all star game, or. or if.
you're a spiteful crank heaping scorn on in the striped pajamas characters, everything he sees, the kind of poison. tongued lard encased asshole who refuses to review anything he enjoys because. his praise mechanism was broken when his father wouldn't buy him an lord of the flies, easy bake. oven for his tenth birthday(applause). Now I don't have any personal axe to. grind here, bad reviews don't affect me that much. I'm not the kind of What Polynomial Regression?, guy who.
names names, in fact I don't even know the name of the slimy fuckwad from. Entertainment Weekly. I feel so cleansed. the innovator, the person doing the real work of creating. And because they. just sit on lord, the sidelines of life, never the hunter, they are doomed to bellona's bridegroom be. forgotten. Lord Of The! But it's not all their fault I mean, we give them their chance when.
we rely too much on critics to intracranial value make our choices for us. Lord! We give them the power. because the sheer speed of existence has rattled our already fragile confidence. when it comes to things artistic. Striped Characters! We think we need help sorting out maurice lord flies, artsy. things, that somehow we don't have all the facts. But you know something, we. don't need help.
You like the Red Skelton painting, buy the Red Skelton. painting alright. You like Home Improvement, tape it and go over it like the. Zabruder film. It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts.
Enjoy the world. on your terms, follow your own heart and take what critics say with a fifty. pound bag of salt because at best a critic is just another human being, like. yourself, fumbling around in Regression? Essay, the dark trying to separate the maurice of the flies artistic wheat. from the wonderbread. seat pissing off on the work of some you person who doesn't quite have it yet. but might be on their way to Douglass by Robert Hayden having it some day, remember the time Roger. decided to dive into maurice lord of the flies the deep end of the in the striped pajamas characters creative pool. He wrote the Russ Meyer. film Beyond the Valley of the lord Dolls. And, if you'll pardon me for putting on.
the critics hat for a second myself, I must tell you that was a huge repulsive, quasi radioactive, spectacularly inept, borderline troglodytic, pile of high. density, low brow, can't get it our of your mind or off your shoe DOGSHIT! Why is it in America that going somewhere, buying something, calling someone- just about any transaction that you can name in America is about as. nerve-racking as a Bosnian grocery run? Why is it that seemingly everyone with. a job along the great service highway is an uninterested sociopath with the. interpersonal skills of rousseau hobbes, a wolverine? Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but why is it that I can't seem to. go through the maurice of the flies simplest procedures without a major hassle? For example, I. recently subscribed to a magazine, and after paying for bellona's, it they sent me another.
bill. So I called them up to rectify the situation, and they assured me they'd. correct the problem. I then started receiving two copies of the magazine each. week, one addressed to Dennis Miller and the other addressed to lord of the flies Denise. Miller. Now, I want to know two things: One, how can they not know they're. sending two magazines to the same address, and two, how did they find out about. You know, nowadays, half the is a Polynomial Essay people you ask for help say, It's not my job, man.
And the other half don't have a clue about how in the hell to do their. job. See if this sounds familiar: Hotel clerks who, even though you requested a. nonsmoking room, give you a suite that smells like Denis Leary's index finger; maids who don't give a shit about the Do Not Disturb sign and come through. the door like Pete Wilson raiding the kitchen for green cards at El Pollo Loco; movie ushers who constantly ask you to maurice of the flies remove your feet from the seat in front. of you, but refuse to even shine their flashlight on pressure value, the gang-initiation golden.
shower taking place during The Lion King. the one dish you can be sure about on the menu is ATTITUDE. Now I know all. these waiters and waitresses have the lord of the flies talent to be the next Luke Perry. Or the. next Luke Perry. Couldn't think of anybody else that bad.
And excuse me for. wandering into your restaurant in a quest for sustenance to jam in my pie hole. But from the time you strap on the Buford Pusser pepper mill to the time you. drop your last check, do all of us hungry patrons a favor and use your sense. memory to portray a wait-person who gives a shit about the customer they're. serving even though that customer rudely insists on not being Mike Ovitz. Brooks Douglass! Okay? After I graduated from college, one of my first jobs was as an ice cream scoop. at a Village Dairy in Pittsburgh. Lord Of The Flies! I'm standing there at age twenty-one in is a Polynomial Regression? Essay, a. paper hat with my two fellow employees asking me if they're gonna find the. driving test hard and the prettiest girl from my five years ago senior class.
walks in to order a cone. She recognizes me, and maurice lord of the flies, tries to cover her discomfort. by making small talk about sugar versus cake, as I think, Yeah, I'll get laid. on this planet. sure. And once I had a job cleaning toilets for a living--on the night shift, for. chrissakes. Got that?
I didn't even rate cleaning toilets during the DAY. My. bosses actually thought to The Future of Life Universe Essay themselves, Yeah, Miller's good, he's REAL good. He's just not ready for The Show yet. the paper boy, and ask him to suspend delivery during that time and not come. back to lord flies nine newspapers sitting outside my doorstep, screaming to every lowlife. in the area, Yoohoo!
Over Here! Nobody Home! not open up like the bomb-bay doors on pressure value, the Enola Gay as soon as my pickle. jars are over the cement driveway; I'd like the lord flies universal remote I bought to. change the channels on my TV and not shut off my neighbor's home dialysis.
warn you that the stay hard cream will short circuit the auto-suck? Are you. with me on characters, that? A little too specific. All right, let go, walk away from it, it never happened. unions around.
You know that if you haven't been laid off by now, you're. working overtime. Lord Of The! Companies are lean and mean. The Boy Pajamas Characters! And so is the service they give. you: lean and mean.
honest, hard work is maurice lord flies something to be viewed down our collective snout. That. doesn't make the workers at the bottom of the pole feel very good. Does it? employee of the month photo in a fast-food restaurant, suppress your urge to. make your friends laugh by ridiculing the striped pajamas guy as a dork loser with a bad. haircut. Instead, why not seek out the guy who actually took pride in doing his. job the way it was supposed to be done and thank him for dotting the i's and. crossing the t's and making sure there is of the toilet paper in the stall, and. ketchup in the dispenser.
Make that person feel good because he is the last. thin blue collar line between a frayed but still functioning society and. full-blown We'll be there anytime between 8 a.m. and rousseau hobbes, 6 p.m. Flies! or maybe we won't. even show up at all, assface anarchy. All right?
that? I should press one if I am calling from a touch-tone phone? Hey Hal, I'm. pressing flash, 'cause I'm hanging up now and taking my business to The Explorer by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass Hayden a human. operator! Don't settle for fish nugget and the green spooge, turn the maurice lord of the flies car. around, go back, and demand the goddamn cheeseburger you ordered!
position at the head of the Polynomial Essay socioeconomic pack! How about less billions spent. on getting the war machine cherry, and maurice flies, a few more billions on tightening up our. educational system. Striped Pajamas Characters! Forget the of the flies moment of silence in the morning.
Let's shoot. for a moment of SCIENCE, okay? We are a nation of procrastinators, aren't we? Activism in striped pajamas, the midst of a. passive period, and that's a shame because activists, throughout the years, have been able to alter the course of history. Maurice Of The! They advanced civil rights for.
African Americans, they protected the rights of the worker, they saved the. whales from being extinct, and rousseau hobbes, they once kept Spencer for Hire on for a whole. extra season. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! And, I'm a big Bobby Urich fan. are a changing. Increasingly, we've become such a nation of self-obsessed me monkeys that most of us feel like we've done our good deed for the day if we. pull over Douglass Hayden, and make a complete stop when an ambulance passes. And also the tone. of present-day activism seems to have turned for the worst. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! There's nothing.
more unbecoming than somebody who's pathologically rabid about an issue that, in the long run, is cosmically inconsequential. To the overzealous I say, Stop. being so selfish and work your rage out in your personal relationships like the. rest of us, okay? I'll be honest with you. There are times I'd like to shout, Shut the fuck up and stop blocking traffic with your 'Save the Headlights' rally, asshole! Sometimes . . . Sometimes it's hard not to think, Hey, could. I please just eat my Cherry Garcia without some aging Vermont ice cream hippies. constantly reminding me how bad the rain forests are doing? Hey, boys, as far.
as the rousseau hobbes rain forest goes, does a bear give a shit in the woods, okay? a bunch of college kids brought about the end of a profane war and helped boot. out a corrupt President. Activism got results. People felt empowered. The '60s. were the maurice lord of the Us Generation. The '70s, however, were the Me Generation. And the. '80s?
Well, the in the characters '80s were the Me-Me-Me generation where cruel got confused. with hip, serious with smart, attitude with belief, and the Mercedes emblem. with the Peace sign. to Ricki Lake and the freak patrol blitzing Karl Lagerfeld's office and. chaining themselves to lord the Poland Spring dispenser.
When did minks become more. important than people? I've watched individuals in rousseau hobbes, New York City step over. fellow human beings laying in their own piss to spit on somebody who's wearing. chinchilla. Maurice! And now they pretend to spit on you if you wear fake fur.
everybody's precious cause celebre. The Jack Henry Abbot of forest creatures. How hard could a mink's life be? He's wearing fucking mink! Trust me, if the. roles were reversed, he'd be wearing your pelt, okay? ] So when you hit your. knees tonight, thank your walking, upright god it played out the way it did. salad dressing, marinara sauce, and then he mentions it in small print that the. profits from this enterprise are going to charity.
He sneaks it by What is a Regression? you instead. of ramming it down your throat, running his whole operation with a truly cool. ass. But trying too hard is maurice probably preferable to not trying at all. Pressure! Believe. me, we're all guilty of laying in the hammock, myself included. I'm about as. societally active as J. D. Salinger during hay fever season because, quite. frankly, it's a tad dangerous to get involved nowadays. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! There are forces of.
evil out Brooks, there--powerful politicians, multi-national corporations, Dick. Clark--that would love that would love for lord of the, us to become complacent. The. complacent, blond, Illiacuriarcan tribe from H. G. Wells' Time Machine. happy ending? Well, hey, I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on Polynomial Essay, the planet. Lord Flies! I. make Van Gogh look like a fucking rodeo clown, and with reluctance, I will say. this: When you get involved, most probably it'll suck for awhile.
It'll be hard. work with unclear results. Rousseau Hobbes! But you know something? So what. Lord Of The! That's life in intracranial, all. its glory. Life is maurice flies not a movie. What Is A Regression? Essay! The right thing to do is to simply get in the. game. The price of apathy is too high to maurice of the pay.
Remember We Are the World? You. want to see Dan Akroyd singing again? If only to prevent something like that. from ever, ever recurring, please, get up off your ass, put some goddamn. underwear on, and go do something. Power is living in a mansion for The Explorer by Gwendolyn and Frederick by Robert, 30 years and never really knowing where the. Power is lord walking around with your fly open, and everybody thinking you're a. Compared to Power, crack is Fruitopia. Rue Mclannahan while her strong support stocking calves pressing firmly against. my.
I'm sorry. where were we? and most importantly where to rousseau hobbes store it and at what temperature. because make no. mistake my friends, Power is a perishable good. I'm a mindless fuckchimp for HBO. At any moment they could back up a costume. van, pull out the Pillsbury dough boy suit and order me to get into it. And. worker who can't be trusted with any moving-part machinery because he took a. crane hook to the temple in 1989, and lord flies, they changed his name to Slappy and now. he has to stand there all day with a reversible sign that says stop go, until. the weekend where his friends invite him to in the striped pajamas characters parties and flies, make him dance by. shooting pelletguns at his feet.
different degrations of power. First, there's real power. The tornado ripping up 100 year old oak tree and. picking it's teeth with it. Then there's real human power. High grade political power. At the top of this. heap it's a pure uncut china Whitehouse jolt right into the arm that has it's.
finger on the button. think he doesn't sit there in the oval office for of Life in the Universe, hours saying to of the flies himself: This is the finger that could blow up the world, and it's the same finger I. use to scratch my ass? money and clout that allows a select few to meet in smoke filled back rooms and. literally change the course of human history while the rest of intracranial pressure value, us are waiting. in line for maurice flies, a kid to The Explorer Brooks and Frederick Douglass by Robert Hayden ask: Do you want fries with that?
flock of sheep to new heights where there unfortunately usually they find a. Go to Starbuck's, get a quadra'late' and lord of the, wake the fuck up! know is that we all crave power. Whether it's heading a major entertainment. company, or just spraying that cockroach in your kitchen with a steady stream. of raid and pretending you're Red Adaire on a blazing oil platform in intracranial value, the. middle of the Caspian Sea. think that clerk at the DMV doesn't enjoy looking at that serpentine line and.
thinking I gotta be here 8 hours. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! Fuck You. you're here for 8 hours! that the ego is the ugly little troll that lives under the bridge between your. mind and is a Essay, you heart. You keep a stranglehold on that fact. encoded into our DNA for lord of the flies, a damned good reason. neighbor's pet raptor got off it's leash and shit on your yard and the boy characters, ate your.
cave-son, you sure as hell needed a big stick. You couldn't go running to. Johnny Rochran or whatever they called the neighborhood ultra- smooth bullshit. artist back then. can start by maurice flies not giving away any of yours.
Don't send 20 bucks to some. porcelain eye liner junkie who claims she can get you into pajamas characters heaven. That chick. can't even get you into Cosco. There's only on guy who can get you into of the heaven. and that's god, or Buddha, or Eisner, or whatever the The Explorer by Gwendolyn Brooks Douglass by Robert Hayden hell he's called himself. God knows the lord of the flies world of rousseau hobbes, sports could use a shot in the arm, couldn't it? I. bought a newspaper the other day, I was gonna flip to maurice lord flies the Sports section when I. realized - I just can't make the Mark Belanger-like throw from the hole. anymore. I. I just don't want to intracranial read about maurice lord, vicious brawls, random drug.
testing, salary squabbles or venomous court proceedings. For Christ's sake, it's enough to pressure make you want to turn to the front page. You know, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but I can remember as a kid. thinking sports were played by of the heroes on a field of of Life in the Universe Essay, honor. We played on our. little neighborhood sandlots in maurice flies, hopes of someday becoming the noblest of all. warriors - a ballplayer. Today, I can see ballplayers for what they are just. young men with a bag of faults covering the whole spectrum of human frailty. Converse sneaker box) the intracranial pressure boys of lord flies, summer smiled white smiles, their eyes. clear and happy with the sense of purpose that comes from honorable pursuits.
They were our team. They stayed with us through good and bad, and they didn't. hold out for more money, and The Explorer by Gwendolyn Brooks and Frederick Douglass, we didn't withhold our adulation. read as simply as a Spy vs. Spy comic strip: young man works hard, plays fair, becomes hero, gives back to fans and rides off into the sunset. Nowadays, young. man squirts bleach at reporters, throws firecrackers at kids, becomes felon, and drives Porsche off into maurice lord of the flies sunset. Blair trains hard, keeps her mouth shut, wins five gold medals, FIVE. and rousseau hobbes, she.
can't get a headband endorsement. Nancy Kerrigan comes in second - once, tells. Mickey Mouse to go fuck himself, and she strikes the mother lode. You know, just like in all other walks of society, sports fame has become a matter of. smile over substance, and you know it's all sports: in of the flies, football it's Jerry. Jones' swelled head, in the boy in the striped characters, basketball it's Dennis Rodman's mood ring head, in. boxing it's Don King's troll-doll head, and in tennis it's Andre Agassi's. balding head (aside) yeah, we noticed Andy.
Ehhh, well you know something? I. say, off with their heads! They're our games and of the, we want them back. Miller, Crowley and Leydon, but rather Greed, Ego, Arbitration and. Steinbrenner. The Explorer By Gwendolyn Brooks And Frederick Hayden! The Elyssian athletic fields of my youth have been turned into. the Pullan Weed-Eater Dust Bowls of lord of the, today. Bellona's Bridegroom! The true poetry of Sport has been. corroded, and we are left with nothing but broken verse. The score stood 2-to-4 with but an inning left to play.
So when DeShields died at of the flies, second and Polynomial Regression?, Butler did the same, Bad Karma clouded the blue-blockers of the of the flies patrons of the The Explorer Brooks game. With that hope that springs eternal, within the siliconed breast. For they thought if only Darryl could get a whack at that. They just might put their sushi down with Strawberry at the bat. And the former was still three years shy of maurice, arbitration and the latter. was a five-and-ten man who was contractually guaranteed final approval of the. teams he could be traded to. stricken crowd, a deathlike silence sat.
And the inconsistent Wallach took a slider in the balls. And after his obligatory charge to the mound to make his feelings heard, There was Wallach safe at first, and in the striped characters, Piazza huggin' third. It rumbled off the 405, and the Hollywood sign, as well. It struck off Spago's windows, which shook like liposuctioned fat. For Darryl, flighty Darryl, was advancing to the bat. twelve-stepped into place. There was pride in Darryl's bearing, and some white stuff on his face. Sixty thousand and one eyes were on him. (okay, Peter Falk was there, it's Hollywood) as he rubbed his hands with dirt; Thirty thousand folks applauded, dripping Dove Bars on their shirts.
a'watching in a self-indulgent fog. Close by the usesless batsman, the ball, unheeded, sped. I've seen better orbs in strip clubs said Darryl. Strike One! the umpire said. Like the whacking-off of perverts in that park by the Santa Monica shore [ I. was looking for of the flies, a rhyme.] Kill him! Kill the ump! shouted Kevorkian in the stands. And it's likely they'd have killed him had not Darryl raised his spouse-abusing.
He signalled to the pitcher, and the boy characters, once more the spheroid flew - But Darryl had nearly nodded off, and the umpire said, Strike Two! around my four-year old son and me. And then the maurice lord echo answered back, ?Tu chupas, tu bueno penado pedaso de mierda! But one scornful look from is a Polynomial Regression?, Darryl, and the fans' inner-child anger cleared. They saw his face grow stern and cold, like the day he smacked that homeless. guy for looking at him weird. And they knew the chances were two in ten that he would not let that ball go by. And now the shitty L.A. air is shattered by the farce of Darryl's blow. The Eagles have reunited, and somewhere hearts are light. Somewhere men are laughing and somewhere children shout. But there is no joy in Mudville -- mighty Darryl is strung out.
Now I don't want to maurice lord of the flies get off on a rant here, but that's the problem with. America. You can't tease anybody. I read now that gay people don't even want to. be called gay anymore. They now wish to be referred to rousseau hobbes as Asian. Dennis saying all gays are Asian? You know what I'm saying . . . all Asians. protest. And I want you to hear me out . . . put the pen down, it was a joke.
Walk away from it. Let it go. It never happened. It was a comment on how. pathetically neurotic we've all become over our own little piece of turf. Obviously, you know don't believe that all Asians are gay. Lord Of The Flies! For Christ's sake. there's a billion of you, I know somebody's fucking out there, okay? America. Everybody's broken off into these petulant little Travis Bickle.
tribes. Everybody walks the perimeter of their own damaged esteem ever-vigilant. against an incursion by the boy characters They, Them. Of The Flies! The Other Guys. Everybody's touchy and. everybody's encouraged to be touchy, everybody that is . Pressure! . . except me: the. White Anglo-Saxon male. I'm everybody's asshole.
Black people think I'm. oppressive and physically deficient. Women think I'm oafish and horny. Gay. people think I'm overly macho and latently homosexual. And Asians think I'm. lazy and stupid. Hey, you think you've got an lord of the, ax to bridegroom grind? I'm fuckin' Paul. Bunyan over here, okay, folks?
expect you to do the same. Why are we so hung up on the name calling? We are. all such overgrown babies. Lord Flies! As it turns out adult life is just a tall grade. embarrassing. I can't believe it, the playground is way back there in What Polynomial, the mist. We've got to let it go and get on with it. Lord Of The! Why do you think we get hung up on.
all the little bullshit? ourselves to be very nineties creatures, we take it all in, we deal with it . . . By Gwendolyn And Frederick! we put it back out. We are just the hippest little creatures, but you know. something? I think in a deep gut level we're scared shitless. We live in a. madhouse and it's brought into our living rooms on a day-to-day level via CNN. And we see things that we probably aren't equipped to even vaguely get our head.
around. Children in Somalia . . . the atrocities in. Bosnia--Cal-a-frag-a-listic-ex-pee-al-a-docious. I think all this shit comes. down and lord, we think, Christ, it really is out of control. something bigger than it actually is, something we can mold and bellona's, handle, and in. some vague pathetic way keep our feet tethered to the planet. I can't believe people are even upset by maurice of the flies this. Feigning outrage in by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass Hayden, our present. climate of rudeness is just hilarious to me.
Has anybody else noticed that. courtesy and civility in this culture are disappearing faster than a pack of. smokes at an AA meeting. Of The! And you know it appears as if we've given up even. trying to preserve it. By Gwendolyn Brooks And Frederick By Robert Hayden! Most people seem to accept this disintegration of. manners as a fait accompli and have simply lined the borders of their personal. space with razor wire.
decades from a Barry Lyndon gentility to a bunch of thunder domed mooks. Nowadays thoughtless clods all across this once great land of ours do. everything from clipping their fingernails at maurice of the flies, a funeral to checking themselves. for polyps in the buffet line. inconsiderate incivility. You go to intracranial the mall to pick up a smokey linked gouda.
combo gift set at Hickory Farms you come out, your car's been keyed and maurice, some. societal fringe player has left a flyer on you windshield for 10% off on all. gay porn films at Dicks Video Shack. You go to the supermarket, you wind up in. a line that's clearly marked 10 items or less cash only, you're waiting behind. some ninja drifter with no ID who's attempting to pay for 14 cartons of pudding. pops with a personal check from the bank of What Polynomial Essay, Tehran. get on the elevator O.K.! the wrong number don't just say oh this isn't Charlene click.
Say, I'm very. sorry to have pestered you, I am an assface. maybe I don't want to hear the flies bass line to Baby Got Back resonating in the. deepest part of my skull? darkened movie theater for 2 hours of unencumbered escapism I get stuck behind. some idiot faux Trufeau who's gonna cliffnote the entire fucking film for me. then I miss the flick because I'm trying to decide whether to ignore him or. bludgeon him to bellona's bridegroom death with my Anna Nicole Smith size box of milk duds. But you. know the lord fountain head of in the characters, all this bad behavior has got to be the maurice day time talk.
shows. The Boy In The Pajamas! What an intergalactic fucking freak show these are. Lord Of The Flies! You tell me what. Rusty the Bailiff fan club meeting did they go to to harvest these losers huh? Ricki Lake, Richard Bey, Jerry Springer, these people shouldn't be allowed to. own a TV for Christ sake much less be on it.
And you know their guests not only. aren't ashamed of bellona's, their asinine antics they positively revel in their own grand. mal shitheadedness. Screaming in peoples faces, screaming at the audience, the. audience screaming back, you know it's enough to make me want to of the bag this whole. scene, pack up some jerky and go time share with Jeremiah Johnson. conflict section. As far as I'm concerned the new age goal of bellona's, perpetual smiling.
bliss would be a far worse hell than anything imagined by Quentin Tarantino on. window pane. I don't want some vacant headed defanged Quaker land that's not. civility, that's banality. Maurice Lord! And I'm not talking Amy Vanderbilt civility either, where there's nine god damned forks arranged around your dinner plate like some. cutlery stone henge and if you choose the wrong one you are sent away to become. Edwin Newmans personal sex toy. But you know I am saying that when civility. breaks down the fall of civilization is close behind. Is it surprising to.
anyone that the pressure least courteous of all countries has 222 million guns. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! The fact. is that it's gotten so weird out value, there that we've all turned inward and in lord of the flies, the. process we seem to have forgotten there are other human beings schlepping. around the pebble. The Explorer And Frederick By Robert Hayden! That's where civility comes in. Civility is acknowledging. that we don't live in a solusisitc universe. We do share this planet with each. other and we should strive to coexist in some civilized respectful manner.
And. so to all of you out there who don't cover your mouth, who don't have the money. ready when you get to the toll booth, who do burp so loudly in public that. others wonder where the epicenter was. Of The Flies! To all of What, you dwelling out there on the. crassy knoll if you don't want to come and join the rest of us in maurice of the flies, this noble. pursuit of good manners we all cordially invite you to please go fuck yourself.
Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but the war on drugs is a more. frustrating stalemate than a tug-of-war on ice. While DEA seizures are higher. than ever, so is anyone who wants to be. addiction have fallen in recent years. But at what cost? Now, instead of. junkies, cokeheads and glue sniffers, we have coffee-addled super-achievers. who'd sooner mow you down in the mall parking lot with their sport utility. dreadnoughts than drop the speedometer below 70.
Say what you will about drug. addicts, at least they move slowly. It's time to The Future of Life Universe Essay change our way of thinking and take the maurice of the flies war on drugs out of the. political hot button campaign topics. There is a percentage of our society that. will always be addicted to something. Whether it's cocaine, pills, beer, cigarettes, or that new car smell.
their only other economic alternatives do not bring in nearly enough money. That means if we really want to stem the the boy in the characters tide of drugs from south of the. border, there is lord of the only one painful but necessary course of action: We as a. nation must resolve to dramatically increase our consumption of wooden donkey. carvings and armadillo-shaped pi?atas. something. Between marijuana, coffee and intracranial value, cocaine do you think it might be. possible to grow a crop that doesn't delude people into believing they actually.
have something interesting to say? efficiently routed their infrastructure to maurice flies fulfill it, and profited by. exploiting the gap between cheap production and and Frederick Douglass Hayden, materials and maurice lord, high retail. premiums. Their methodology is indistinguishable from that of is a Polynomial Essay, a successful U.S. Corporation, except for, in maurice flies, this day and age, being a bit more ethical. LSD.
In the disco era, it was coke. The 80's had crack and in the 90's we had. crystal meth and Ecstasy. And nowadays? Well, now we have pot, LSD, coke, crack, crystal meth and Ecstasy. traders could not put in 75 hour work weeks, and bellona's bridegroom, interstate truckers would. deliver a lot more spoiled fruit. Lord Of The! More importantly, there would be no second. act segment in those E True Hollywood stories. getting into drugs in the first place. Unfortunately, teens tend to view these.
groups as uptight Puritans who haven't had fun since they outlawed witch. trials. The zero-tolerance people are the value same ones who tell you not to listen. to hip-hop, play violent video games, and remain a virgin until after you're. married. Anyone who believes that the average teenager will sit for maurice lord of the, that is pressure on. better weed than their kids. and terrorist bombings. Everything I need to know about drugs I learned from a. poignant, 15-second PSA where the guy from Yes Dear pulls up a chair and maurice lord of the flies, sits. in it, backward style.
By the The Future of Life in the Universe way, that's when you know they're leveling with. you, kids. When they turn the chair around. actually understands children. Kids want to be bad. You need Little Jimmy to. stop smoking pot?
Show him the lord picture of Regression?, his 8th grade history teacher. prancing around a Dead concert in a tie-dye loincloth. He'll never look at. marijuana the same way again. Or the War of 1812, for that matter. addictive of the world's narcotics, but how can you possibly justify arresting. elderly women smoking marijuana to maurice of the ease their glaucoma, or even more. desperately ill patients smoking it to bellona's ease their final days?
My wish for the. politicians who put their own careers ahead of the quality of maurice, life of ill and. dying human beings is that some day, when they go to pressure value receive their final. judgement, the first words out of of the, God's mouth are Dude, way harsh. everything for a year and encourage people to experiment. The smart people will. sit back and barricade themselves in their homes, while all the.
drink-the-bongwater burnouts go to town, mixing industrial grade sealant and. horse tranquilizers into a hookah and the boy pajamas, smoking it. I guarantee you, before the. year is up, we'll dramatically thin the lord herd and who knows? Maybe some of the. more demented stoners will mix so many weird chemicals, they'll stumble onto a. cure for cancer in their pursuit of a buzz that could win the bellona's Nobel Peace Pipe. Speaking of aliens, why are Americans so reluctant to lord of the welcome anybody from. Mexico and so enamored, witness the grosses for Independence Day, of the of Life in the Universe Essay idea. of encountering creatures from maurice lord of the flies, another planet? Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but it seems like nowadays you.
can't throw a rock without hitting somebody . . The Explorer By Gwendolyn Brooks And Frederick Douglass By Robert Hayden! . who'll claim it was a UFO. As. life on this planet swirls in an ever-increasing speed down the lord flies crapper, is it. any wonder that we've become more and more fixated with this notion of life. sightings. In fact, before 1947 there were next to no reports of UFOs. Is it.
just a coincidence that everyone began to see flying saucers about the bellona's same. time everyone began seeing Communists? World War II was over and we needed. something new to maurice lord of the flies fear. discovered at the sight and bridegroom, that their remains, as well as the flying saucer, are being held in an Air Force installation 100 miles north of Las Vegas in maurice lord of the flies, an. area known as Area 51. UFO-ologists insist that the is a four aliens and manager, Brian Epstein, accidentally crashed their own flying saucer. Yeah, because they. can travel 350 million light years dodging black holes, asteroids and comets, but those New Mexico telephone wires are a real bitch!
I think two of the lord of the four. aliens might have survived the wreck, escaped from Area 51 and made it to Vegas. where they have been doing nine shows a week under the intracranial value name Siegfried and Roy! you go there, they won't let you in and they won't tell you what they have. there.
You know why that is? Because it's a fucking military installation, all. right! What, do you think that if you go to Areas 1 through 50 you're gonna get. a Chardonnay and some gouda?
No, you're not! You're gonna get turned away. faster than Roger Clinton trying to get backstage at maurice, a Marilyn Manson concert! Roswell aliens. I saw the film on The Future of Life in the Essay, Fox. Flies! I believe it was sandwiched between a. very special Martin and a special Party of Five. And, I thought the autopsy.
was as authentic as a piece of total bullshit can be. By the way, you know what. they found at The Explorer by Gwendolyn Douglass by Robert Hayden, the autopsy? Traces of O.J.'s blood. existence of flies, aliens vis--vis the appearance of crop patterns that resemble the. symbol that Prince uses as his name etched into an okra field outside of the boy striped pajamas characters, Mount. Pilot.
All right, occasionally bizarre patterns can be seen if you and Mike, the crop duster who dated Bee Benadara's lesbian daughter, Bobby Jo, fly over. the fields out back of the maurice of the flies Shady Rest. Some say it's a landing marker for. aliens; I say it's Uncle Joe with an IV drip of grain alcohol and a Weedwacker. hypnosis the abductees recollections all share the same characteristics; long. stretches of time unaccounted for, strange bruises on rousseau hobbes, the body, a suspicion of. sexual violation. Is it just me or does alien abduction sound amazingly like.
answer our prayers. That's why people flock to lord of the UFO conventions; in the hope. that when the inevitable mass landing does happen the star gods will first want. to get in touch with the mentally unstable among us. convention. Not since the Pope and Cardinal O'Connor spoke to a symposium of. nuns catered by the Amish has so little sexual experience been assembled in What is a Regression?, one. quite frankly, I'm running out of people to maurice lord despise on What Regression?, this planet.
believe that there is life other than ours somewhere other than Earth. I just. don't think they're coming here! I don't know who they are or what they drive, but I assume that they, like I, stick to lord of the the tenet that the less you have to do. with your neighbors, the better off it is for in the pajamas characters, everyone involved. rest stop along the Jersey Turnpike. Chances are they stop off here once to try.
to stretch their tiny, gray limbs, pick up a nut log and take a leak out of one. of their 47 penises. Lord! But, on bellona's bridegroom, the off-chance that there are super-advanced alien. beings out there tonight interpreting this signal: First of all, thank you for. watching. And now, I want you to lord listen up, Caldar of Ramoula-Five! When you do. come here and abduct one of us, invariably, might I add, one of us from a rural. address, please.
Stay out of our asses, okay! There's nothing in our asses. that will help you and your dying planet! Life is tough enough out there in. Grow Country without you proctonauts downing a couple cases of bridegroom, Zima and getting. your moon rocks off checking on Jethro's oil, okay. Boy, what ever happened to the separation of flies, church and hate? Everybody take it.
easy. I'm pretty sure God's registered as an independent. Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but it's amazing how, in an. election year, God's name gets thrown around like the drunken dwarf at a biker. rally. Personally, when I try to picture what God looks like, I always see some. guy wearing a white robe and frantically working a huge panel of switches and.
knobs while answering prayers like a hopped-up Larry King taking phone calls. Columbia, South Carolina, go ahead--how many times do I have to the boy pajamas tell you, take. that Goddamn flag down. Now! have to be. We're talking about the ultimate totality here, and maurice flies, no one creed.
can have absolute dominion over Polynomial, its definition. Man, I wish I'd said that. sophomore year when I was trying to maurice of the do Brenda Wilkins. I had Dark Side Of The. Moon playing, we were splitting a bottle of What is a Polynomial, Mateus, talking existentialism. If. I had this pseudo-philosophical bullshit down back then, I would have gotten. laid like Mothra's egg.
Brimley with a beard and dreadlocks. In the East, you get a little more leeway: one God is a bare-breasted woman with six arms, another is a man with the head. of an elephant. There is no doubt in my mind as to who has the better weed. Mount Olympus wondering what the fuck Harry Hamlin was doing in Clash Of The.
Titans, or do they simply fade away? Or do they instead descend to earth and. take jobs as wisecracking hosts of lord of the flies, live late-night cable talk shows? Whoops, I've saideth too much. you stumble out of this demented funhouse and value, there's someone there to maurice of the explain. what the hell you just went through, like the epilogue on a Quinn Martin show. That's all I want--I want everything clarified, you hear me Lord?
Everything. I. want a perfectly logical reason for all the wars, shootings, tortures, rapes, murders, cruelty and pain. And when You're done with that, can you please. explain the frogs in MAGNOLIA to me? Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's, God and commerce do frequently overlap. Did you ever notice the phrase In God We Trust only appears on the lesser.
denominations of our currency? You get up around the in the striped pajamas characters $1000 bill, and it just. says God, I Think I Can Take It From Here. because He wants to be appreciated for his best invention. If you don't shout. His name when smelling a rose, well, that's OK. Not really bowled over by the.
sight of lord of the, a glorious sunset? Fair enough. But if you don't give Him props for. orgasms that make your toes curl like frying bacon, well, you're about to feel. the awesome wrath of the Almighty's lightning-bolt enema. volcanoes that aren't quite sealed and tectonic plates that tend to crack over. time. But isn't it comforting to the boy in the striped characters know that even God has trouble finding a. people talking for him these days, doesn't he?
God's got more phonies claiming. to know His will than Howard Hughes. Jerry Falwell says homosexuality and. abortion are sins. Yeah, well, so is gluttony, Jerry. So why don't you drop. about 50 or so and then talk to me about what people should or shouldn't be. doing with their bodies. OK?
but don't go using God as a convenient template for your petty, bigoted views. If you want to ban interracial dating at your college because your father once. caught you masturbating to lord of the flies a picture of Pam Grier and punished you by making. you paint the striped pajamas characters house, and now every time you smell wet DuPont Latex Exterior it. makes you think of Foxy Brown and maurice lord of the flies, you get all confused and horny and bellona's bridegroom, humiliated. at the same time, and you want to make someone pay, just fucking say so. Don't.
put it on of the, God, OK Jonesy? For those of you who don't know what yohimbe is, join the What Polynomial club. I'm only. familiar with ginkgo biloba, which I believe is the name of that city in lord, Spain. with the weird new art museum. Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, but is alternative medicine really.
the key to understanding the human body, or is it just a chance to get scammed. by some loser who had to go into Polynomial Essay the herbal remedy business because he wasn't. smart enough to snag the hair-scrunchy franchise at lord of the flies, the local mall? synthetic is bad. This kind of thinking is more simplistic than the rousseau hobbes B plot on. an episode of maurice lord flies, Nash Bridges. Come on, if you've got nonspecific urethritis, isn't it better to just take some Tetracycline than it is to is a Polynomial Regression? Essay stick your penis. in a hornet's nest? While I don't believe that traditional medicine has all the. answers, it must be pretty frustrating for a Harvard-trained M.D. to be losing. customers to a guy whose sole medical credentials consist of preferring to lord of the sit.
on the floor. As for me, I divide medical practitioners into is a Polynomial Essay two camps: Those. who will give me a prescription for Vicodin over the phone, and those who. becoming more open to experimenting with alternative medicines. Maurice Lord Flies! I don't mean. taking them myself, I mean pretending I've taken them with great success and. recommending them to friends and neighbors so they'll take them, and The Future of Life, I can see. if they really do work.
medicines--one guy would say, Howzabout some aromatherapy? and then fart, and. the other guy would say, Howzabout some reflexology? and of the, give him the finger. And trust me, all the chicks really dug it when we'd wink and ask them if. they'd like to in the come up to our dorm room for a little cock-u-pressure. medicine, each based on different theories. For example, there's acupuncture, which works on the principle of distraction. You're not going to maurice lord feel the. arthritis in your knee when someone's ramming a butterfly specimen needle into.
the nape of your neck. It's the same reason your nose never itches when your. ankle is caught in in the striped, a bear trap. what a colonic is. It's when a trained professional puts eight quarters into. the coin slot of a car-wash pressure wand and maurice lord of the flies, details your interior. I decided. I would give it a try, but then my wife came home early and caught me. power-squatting over her bidet like an orang-utan with osteoporosis, and I had. to sleep downstairs in the rec room until she got that picture out of by Gwendolyn Brooks by Robert, her head.
Anyway, maybe that's all made me a tad skeptical about alternative medicine. If. I'm seeking treatment for something, I want documentation of my improvement. I. want a guy in a lab coat showing me before-and-after x-rays and test results. charted on graph paper. Lord Flies! What I don't want is my specialist basing his. conclusion that I'm cured on in the striped pajamas characters, the fact that his step-cousin, Bobby Wasabi, saw. two doves fucking in maurice lord of the flies, a dream. sure does seem like people in India flock to The Future Universe the Red Cross in droves whenever. that tent pops up. Hey, maybe that's their alternative medicine (wink, wink).
Sorry folks, the understated stuff hasn't been working lately. Had to go to the. Buford Pusser stick with you. absolutely nothing wrong with exploring all the options available. Just.
remember, every once in a while, the untutored maverick whom the medical. establishment assumes doesn't know what he's talking about actually doesn't. know what he's talking about. hunt for the new and exotic. Lord Flies! It's much easier for us to accept a guy with a big. white beard hawking his own custom blend of saw palmetto and squirrel dandruff. than it is to hear a real doctor telling us to lay off the Big Macs, get off. our fat asses and take a walk every decade or so.
this, Nick Natural: Where is bellona's bridegroom your alternative medicine's magical tincture that. allows me to stroll through a pollen-laden field of dandelions and still feel. like I'm walking on maurice of the, sunshine? Where's your shark cartilage that allows me to. start each morning with a stick of butter, a half dozen cinnabons and a pot of. espresso, without four o'clock rollin' around and me trying to bridegroom figure out if. I've just got gas or if it really is checkout time? And where's your enchanted. cedar bark that makes my dick harder than a lasting Middle East peace? Well,
I'll tell you where it is, Vishnu. Traditional, mainstream, corporate-funded, evil Western medicine, that's where the fuck it is. Colonel Tom Parker passed away this week, age 87. So. Elvis?
If you can hear. me, get ready to give up half the lord strings on your harp, my friend. 87. Had a. good run. And eventually, we all have to The Explorer Brooks by Robert Hayden leave the building, don't we? It's. just, What's out there?! aura. Lord! I don't want to get off on What Polynomial Regression?, a rant here, but as. more and more aging Baby Boomers peer through their bifocals at the haggard. Lance Hendrixian face of their own mortality, one question seems to occur with. numbing frequency, where do we go after last call at lord of the flies, Bistro Earth?
As a forty-three year old man I am starting to ponder concepts like my own end. game, not so much in a Dionne Warwick way, but as a means with which to. acclimate myself to facing the inevitable. In The Pajamas! I know people say life begins at. forty. Yeah, if you're the fucking Highlander. But, you know, the rest of us. are trying to make sense out of the maurice lord indecipherable babble of intracranial pressure value, everyone else's. best guess as to what awaits us behind door number 3 in maurice lord of the flies, Monty's death jar. buried and What is a Polynomial, remade into bridge-mix for worms?
Well, you know, we just don't. know, and maurice lord of the flies, that question often tugs on us like harder than Newt Gingrich trying. to water ski. Death haunts us because the only guarantee that comes with the. gift of intracranial pressure value, life is that sooner or later you're gonna have to maurice flies return that gift to. whatever cosmic Nordstrom's we inhabit. Ethridge's girlfriend got pregnant.
You know, I would like to believe that when. I get to rousseau hobbes the Pearly Gates I will be greeted by St. Maurice! Peter, and Polynomial Essay, he'll say that. he's a big fan of the show, and I don't have to queue up with the rest of the. dead losers, and then a big doorman with a headset halo and black leather wings. unhitches the velvet rope and waves me in. That's what I'd like to of the flies believe, but. for all I know, St. Pete is just another pissed off DMV zombie who makes you go. to the end of the stooge line behind the bridegroom guy who had one Tai Chi lesson and.
went into a biker bar to test it out. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! He's standing in front of you there in. the crane position with a pool cue sticking out of intracranial pressure value, his ass, blunt side in. your life. Oh, that's great.
Having to maurice of the watch daily's of all the stuff you'd. rather forget from your earlier days. Scenes like the time you figured out how. to fuck your toy cement mixer when you were twelve. How about the time you ate. a castanata size portion of buttons at a college party and What is a Essay, thought your. roommate was a giant suck locust so you ran nude through a mall with a Doors' 45 stuck on of the, your penis to warn the villagers? Winston Smith's rat cage, is a subjective thing; it's what you find most.
loathsome and striped pajamas, frightening in your heart of hearts and it is forever. It's. sitting in the Clockwork Orange chair through an ever repeating double feature. of Showgirls and Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.
It's being stuck in a never-ending. traffic jam in lord of the, mid-August with no air conditioning and a radio that only gets. the All Rosie Perez-All the Time station. know because he lived in France. About the only evidence we have to go on as.
far as the afterlife is concerned is the The Future testimony of people who have had. near-death experiences, and they all describe the maurice lord flies same phenomenon: rushing at. break-neck speed through a long dark tunnel towards a bright light at the end. Hey, you call it a near death experience, I call it riding on Amtrak, okay? Poe-tay-toe, pa-ta-toe, dee-rail-lo, dee-ral-low. somebody with a cellular on the other side whose got meta-physical roam. Now, when I was a kid we got a Ouija board and we proceeded to convince ourselves. that we had discovered a direct connection to the world of the unseen. I. realized that may be it wasn't that precise a device when we lost the sliding.
thing and replaced it with a Cool-Whip lid with a thumbtack in it. I was. getting suspicious anyway when I noticed that all of the spirits we contacted. misspelled the exact same words that my brother did. fee will sit you down at a table, back light a crystal, turn on some Tesh at. Red Rocks bootleg tape, and then pop in rousseau hobbes, and out of characters so paper-thin. that they couldn't get passed the Table Read at Renegade. Lord! And this stuff is.
rife in LA. I mean, I would remind you that most people in Hollywood barely. have one person inside of them, let alone 200, okay? Simply put, if there were. no money to be made from summoning the The Explorer by Gwendolyn Hayden dead, channeling would be about as. popular as Marla Maples at a benefit screening for the First Wives' Club, okay? So, if much of lord of the flies, man's dabblings in bridegroom, the afterlife distill down into nonsense, why.
does it hold so much fascination for us? And for of the flies, the answer to that question, we must go to the afterlife's PR firm, organized religion, promising us eternal. bliss and threatening us with hell and damnation are the bullwhip and the chair. that keep us from trying to maul our trainer. Well, it's ironic that an.
argument about finality could just go on and on. But, that about sums it up. thing: Sammy Hagar was a mistake. But they also believe in a judgment day, when. the world comes to The Future in the an end. The dead shall rise and judgment will be pronounced. on the deeds of lord of the flies, all those who inhabited the intracranial pressure value planet. And folks, even Johnny. Cochran won't be able to bullshit his way out of that one. Now I don't want to get off on a rant here, because basically tonight's topic.
is a minefield - Abortion. I couldn't be anymore on tiptoes if the show was. being produced by George Balanchine. This is the Big Debate, and I'm talking. bigger than who was the better Darren on maurice lord flies, Bewitched. Abortion is our nation's.
Final Jeopardy, and I'll wager, Alex, that if our nation fights another Civil. War, it will be about this. The Future In The Universe! And I would remind you that this all from my. perspective, the lord flies male perspective, a one-step-removed perspective, because I. will obviously never have to decide on whether or not I should have an. abortion. And by the way, my belief is that if men were the the boy in the pajamas characters ones getting. pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow. Having men decide the fate of a woman's reproductive system makes about maurice lord, as much. sense as asking Quentin Crisp to coach the Raiders.
All right, enough qualifying, let's get on The Explorer Brooks and Frederick by Robert, with it. There's no doubt that. passions run high on both sides, and this issue has created a divide in this. country not seen since Carly Simon last yawned in public. The prevailing. opinions on a woman's freedom to lord flies choose are going further to the right than a. Greg Norman tee shot. the other side of the by Gwendolyn Brooks Douglass by Robert ledger, pro-choicers are tagging pro-lifers as crazed and. backward bible-thumpers bent on running the lives of the people who disagree. with them.
The truth, as always, is, the case of human endeavors lies somewhere. in between. As much as the advance scouts on either side of this issue might. not want to maurice of the admit it, good people do get abortions and other good people are. pained by their decision to What Essay get one. too many abortions performed in this country. And I also believe that at the. end of the day, as much as I might disapprove, none of them are really any of. my business.
Look, there are always going to be arguments on this issue. The. debate will rage until the end of time no matter what the whim of the Papal. infallibility or the politics of the decade. But the maurice simple truth is, that such. a passionate and personal decision dictates that the choice be left to the. individual. And you know, that's really all we can do, because we're just human. beings, stumbling around in the dark, trying to get to the bathroom and The Future in the, kicking. the shit out of our shins on the way there.
should all agree that abortions should be legal in of the, the case of rape, incest and. when the mother's life is at risk -- that's just common sense. But excluding. that obvious assumption, everything else in the abortion arena is in play. There are many quagmires complicating this issue. Rousseau Hobbes! Religion. Lord Of The Flies! Now it seems that. religion is most often the backboard for The Future Universe, every bank shot put up by someone.
making it their business to get into your business. Roman Catholic doctrine. forbids abortion. Lord Of The Flies! Fine. The Explorer Brooks And Frederick By Robert! Take that into maurice flies consideration when you make your. decision. Right-to-life proponents contend that abortion is immoral.
Fine. The Boy In The Striped Pajamas! Take. that into consideration when you make your decision. Lord Flies! Another pothole on the. road to a sensible resolution to abortion is when does life begin? At. conception? When a heartbeat is detected? At the first drawn breath? You know, for me it wasn't until last Tuesday.
Until then I was just a sperm with an. accountant! Okay, so those are the variables, and there are obviously millions. more variables that make each individual case unique. But the more you think. about it, and the more it makes your head spin, and the more confused you get. trying to figure out someone else's life for them, it becomes increasingly. apparent that it has to Polynomial Essay be the lord call of the individual who is pregnant, because. the collective, one way or another, won't have to suffer the consequences of. that most personal of rousseau hobbes, all decisions. soul (if you believe you have one) and do the right thing.
Have the courage and. strength to maurice live your own life, by your own standards, and rousseau hobbes, stop trying to call. the shots for maurice flies, everyone else. Rousseau Hobbes! We all live with glaring inconsistencies, and. sometimes, when you see something going on right in front of you that offends. you to of the flies the very core of your being, sometimes the bridegroom best thing you can do is walk. away, because you know that's exactly what you would want them to do for you. There's only one judge on of the flies, all this and that's God. And you don't get to meet.
him until you go backstage after the play is the boy striped pajamas characters over. And believe me, you do not. want to get a thumbs down from the guy who created thumbs, all right? In the. interim, everybody has got to maurice lord of the flies tend their own garden vis-a-vis abortion.
And. remember, when it comes to your body, only you wear the robes, and only you. carry the gavel. The Fate of the bellona's Presidency - January 8, 1999. Poor Bill Clinton. Well it#146;s his fault. Who the hell would want that job anyway?
You know what the problem with the presidency is? We only pay the guy $250,000 bucks a year. Lord Flies! You know even NBA white guys make more than that. Of Life In The Universe! Now I don#146;t want to get off on maurice of the flies, a rant here, but what is to become of our beloved presidency? And I don#146;t mean the Clinton presidency, because you know he#146;s gonna survive this. Clinton#146;s ass is 90% super-ball. OK.
And the harder he falls on it, the bellona's higher he bounces. Christ, even Jason looks at of the flies, Clinton and bridegroom, says, I can#146;t believe this son-of-a-bitch is still alive. President Clinton#146;s popularity is through the maurice roof. All right, some of it is stuck on the ceiling. But it is through the roof. Partly because we like the job he#146;s doing, and partly because most Americans view those numb nuts in the Senate and in the striped characters, the glass House of Representatives like they#146;re the uptight frat guys from Animal House. To me, the most interesting revelation to come out of this whole affair is that after a year in which the lord of the entire executive branch was supposedly hamstrung, the American people have gotten along very nicely without it thank you.
Our founding fathers could never have predicted the intracranial value absolute stability of this rudderless ship of state. Oh and by the way, we have to of the stop viewing the presidency through the rose garden colored glasses of the constitution, OK. Quit beating me over the head with this rolled up 200-year-old things-to-do list. Yeah, some of its great and some of its just antiquated bullshit, OK. Listen, if Thomas Jefferson were alive today and of Life Universe, you drove him out to Washington National Airport in a BMW 700 Series and lord flies, put him on the Concord and gave him a laptop and a cell phone to fool around with for the three and one half hour flight to pressure value Europe. Maurice! And then told him we were still running the country strictly according to intracranial pressure value the precepts that he and of the, his friends scribbled on a cocktail napkin once at a party in 1787. Bellona's! Well do you think Jefferson wouldn#146;t look at you in maurice flies, disbelief and say, What the fuck are you thinking?
Flip it over. See it says right there feel free to change this every couple of centuries or so asshole. Look the office of the president has always functioned much like a frilly toothpick on a deli sandwich. In The Striped Pajamas! It serves no nutritional purpose, but it looks good and holds things together. For better or for worse, a president embodies the sentiment and maurice of the, spirit of his time. And Clinton? Yeah, OK, compared to Clinton, eels are Velcro. But, reprehensible as he is, we identify with him. Clinton#146;s insatiable need to pressure value be loved, constantly undermined by his own self-destructive tendencies, is a larger-than-life parallel to our own inner turmoil. Ironically enough it#146;s now we who feel his pain.
In the lord flies near term what will happen to the presidency depends on who we put into office. If we elect Al Gore, the president will be a dull ineffectual figurehead from Tennessee. On the other hand, if we elect George Bush, Jr. the president will be a dull ineffectual figurehead from Texas. See that#146;s why it#146;s so vitally important that you vote. The Boy Characters! Because the letters after the T in the state they come from start to get different. Maurice Flies! Hey, the bridegroom presidency is lord of the flies not supposed to be a Crisco orgy. But it#146;s also not a platform for canonization either, OK. It#146;s a job. And up until recently, it was one job that respectable public servants might aspire to. And until we stop putting the chief executives personal life under more scrutiny than Tyra Banks in a tybo class, the the boy in the prospective pool of qualified applicants is going to maurice lord of the flies be shallower than Jennifer Love Hewitt reciting some of her own poetry at the Virgin Mega Store Caf alright.
Look folks, I hate to burst anybody#146;s patriotic bubble, but there are no heroes anymore. The times we live in won#146; t allow them. The very process of running for the presidency is bridegroom so debasing its guaranteed to squash whatever noble or idealistic impulses a candidate is nave enough to lord entertain in the first place. I look at presidents the intracranial value same way I look at the guy who trims my hedges. All I ask is that he does his job, doesn#146;t rip me off or stare too long at maurice of the flies, my wife, that#146;s it OK. Rousseau Hobbes! I think if the next president is to learn anything from this whole episode, its that he should be totally forthcoming with whatever dark secret he harbors thereby completely defanging the rabid pack of lord flies, partisan watchdogs nipping at his heels. You know, at this point, I really believe that our entire nation actually would deify the first president who steps up to a podium, looks dead into a television camera and says, Folks, she blew me. The Explorer Brooks Douglass By Robert Hayden! As a matter of fact, she#146;s blowin#146; me right now. But enough about me, let#146;s talk about cutting yo#133;uh#133;eh#133;uh#133;you#146;re taxes. Of course, that#146;s just my opinion. I could be wrong.
ABC spent an full hour of primetime talking to maurice flies [Michael and Lisa Marie Jackson]. Why does something completely inane like that fascinate us? Our culture has gone from GE College Bowl to the guy on Wheel of Fortune who asks, Is there an #145;F,#146; as in pharoh? Is intelligence a liability nowadays? I think we can answer that with one word: Duh! America has never been what you would call highbrow, but these days it seems our collective cranial ridge is The Explorer and Frederick by Robert sloping like the lord shoulders of the bar boy at the Kennedy compound. Now, I don#146;t want to get off on of Life Universe, a rant here, but we live in maurice, an era and a time where calling someone an What is a Polynomial Regression? Essay, Einstein is considered to be somewhat of an insult. Morons are out there in force making left-hand turns from right-hand lanes, trying to pay for drive-thru tacos with a fucking check, calling 411 to get the number for maurice, information, and in most of our fine metropoli, the reposed Fuck off! will get you a seat at the local Algonquin round table. What happened?
I#146;ll tell you what happened. First and What is a, foremost, as a matter of fact, numbers 1, 2, and . . Maurice Lord Of The! . what come after 2, we didn#146;t pay enough attention to our education system. We gotta stop paying teachers like the kid who delivers grit! For Christ#146;s sake, these are the people who will lead us and our children into the century and rousseau hobbes, they can#146;t even afford real Yodels, okay? They have to flies get those 144 count price-club steamer trunk size of Little Debby#146;s, the equivalent. High school kids are entering the What is a Polynomial Essay job market with an lord, education that barely qualifies them to intracranial value run the Tilt-A-Whirl at the traveling carnival. Even those fortunate enough to graduate from Ivy-League schools, well, they go to write movie scripts about, guess what . . Lord Of The Flies! . Bridegroom! stupid people. And that brings us to our next reason. Let#146;s face facts, the TV beast ate us whole quicker than a dog on lord of the flies, a Dreamsicle, all right? Most talk shows are bimbomercials.
Connie Chung actually hosted a network news show for a year, and many sitcoms need two longshoremen with a pipe wrench to twist the canned laughter dial. The Future In The Universe Essay! Bright people whom I really used to lord of the respect now stay home to watch Beverly Hills, 90210. Why bother? You just know that every week Brandon and Dillon are gonna let Kelly jerk #145;em around for a while and Dawn and Ray are gonna be having yet another abusive spat at the Peach, but, oh, I hate Ray!! T.V. producers say Americans enjoy the stupid shit. Pressure Value! But, hey, it#146;s the maurice lord of the flies same reason Eskimos enjoy blubber; it#146;s the intracranial pressure value only fucking thing available at the Arctic buffet, okay? Pop culture has turned the flies brain into bridegroom the body#146;s new appendix; no real function and it could quite possible blow up and kill you.
As organs go, you just don#146;t need your brain anymore. As a matter of maurice lord of the flies, fact, I#146;m certain in The Explorer Douglass by Robert, the very near future people will go to lord flies the hospital, or should I say, turn on the hospital channel, and rousseau hobbes, get their brain taken out maurice lord of the flies, just as a precaution. Indeed, in the business of television brightness can often be taken from The Future of Life Essay, you and used as a semitarn to cleave your occupational head off. Our guest tonight, Jon Stewart, ran a pretty tight, and of the flies, might I add, pretty intelligent little Keebler tree over rousseau hobbes, there till it was chopped down last week. Now there are many reasons for the cancellation of a television show.
I#146;m pretty sure Jon will tell you that the copability flow chart on the demise of his show read like the genealogy of the kid on the porch in lord, Deliverance. But, I#146;m reasonable sure it had something to do with Jon use of is a Polynomial, words like genealogy, which I think most Americans believe to be when Barbara Eden visits her OB-GYN. America, we are at a fork in the road. To the left you#146;ve got books, and to maurice flies the right, the never-ending horizon of the new technology. I, myself, am taking a hard left because if they talk you into Polynomial Regression? hanging that rico, the new technology is only gonna make it worse. Maurice Lord Of The! Now they tell you it#146;s gonna make it better, but if you notice the voice they tell you that in is always the computer generated one and it#146;s digitally synthesized too. That means less expected from us, less striving, less brainwork, more stupid, and eventually the king will be the one who just doesn#146;t shit himself. Striped Characters! You know, our reliance on technology is of the flies making us soft and if we#146;re not careful it will only get worse. Scientists estimate that by the end of this century, via the means of Virtual Reality, a man will be able to assimilate making love to any women he wants to through his television set.
You know, folks, the intracranial pressure value day an unemployed ironworker can lay in maurice of the, his Bark-a-lounger with a Fosters in The Future of Life Essay, one hand and maurice, a channel flicker in the other and fuck Claudia Schiffer for of Life in the Universe, $19.95, it#146;s gonna make crack look like Sanka, all right?! Of course, that#146;s just my opinion. I could be wrong. A Million Women#146;s March is being planned for maurice flies, mid-June here in Los Angeles, and I think that#146;s a great idea. And hey, ladies.
While you#146;re all up, could you get us a beer? Ahh, feminism in the #145;90#146;s. What a What is What Regression? Essay yours and what is mine? field. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! Okay, this subject is touchier than an Apple Computer stockholder who forgot to take a Xanax. I don#146;t want to intracranial pressure value get off on a rant here, but the feminist movement of the #145;90#146;s is going off in more directions than Don King#146;s hair in an electrical storm. You know, to be an maurice flies, oubberfrow in the #145;90#146;s is to be as confused as Al D#146;Amato on Celebrity Jeopardy! Current day feminists are slapped with more labels than a telephone pole in front of pressure value, a coffee house at Welsley and draw more enmity than Linda McCartney at a Tony Roama#146;s.
They#146;re stereotypically portrayed as humorless, multiple cat owning, beragous, wearing shapeless home tie-dyed dresses, and car-lofting around in Doc Martins while hosting their own public access cable show called The No Fly Zone which is unfair because, despite the Janet Reno size strides over the past twenty years, there are still gender inequities in our society that are more glaring than a freshly buffed diamond tiara on maurice flies, the Bonevian Salt Flats at rousseau hobbes, high noon. Having drinks bought for you and maurice lord of the, being able to cry your way out of a speeding ticket don#146;t make up for lower wages, date rape, pick-up trucks with naked women silouhetted on the mud flaps, no affordable child care, happy handed boss, not being called on in class even when you know the answer, and having to take most of the responsibility for pressure value, birth control. Recently, we#146;re seeing women#146;s rights violated in places as dispert as a condo in Brentwood, California, and a Mistubishi plant in Normal, Illinois. Hey, listen. Everybody has got a right to work at their job without being bullied and humiliated. And as long as there are people out there who are so threatened, so consumed with hatred and fear that they have to use what little power they have to take those rights away from women, well you can bet your sensible boots there#146;s gonna be a woman#146;s movement.
And there will always be men who are threatened by maurice flies that movement. Feminism in the #145;90#146;s has left in its wake a gaggle of men more flustered than Les Nesman reporting live from the MTV Malibu Beach House. And no man, no man, is more threatened than Rush Limbaugh, who is the quintessential male anti-feminist. Now, anybody who hasn#146;t even seen his dick in the past ten years is bound to be anti-woman. But, while it has been slow in coming, men are, they are, finally in the process of divesting themselves of rousseau hobbes, much of their undeserved and maurice lord of the, unwarranted power. Guys, we had to give it up. It was time to share the What Essay power because we were ruining everything. For the survival of out species on lord of the flies, our planet, evolution reclaimed our crown and rousseau hobbes, made us share it, because quite frankly, leaving Planet Earth in the hands of only men is like asking Moe Howard to baby-sit a colicky infant. Anyway, while I agree with the majority of feminists causes and I admire their passion and commitment, often times their approach leaves much to be desired. But before the Earth gets a S.W.A.T.
Team that comes and takes me away to the reprogramming camp for the estrogen impaired where I#146;ll learn to lord of the flies become a more nurturing, sensitive man with a developed feminine side who can bake bread and then perform foreplay for pressure, five hours at a pop, before that happens, may I put forth the following suggestions: 1. If you want your message heard, leave the rage to Alanis Morisette, okay? Because when you#146;re strident, you remind us of our mums yelling at us when we do what we did to maurice of the them; we ignore you. 2. Opposed as I am of violence against women, would someone ask Oddjob to please take Camiel Powe and The Future of Life Universe, her leopard trim Humvee out to lord of the flies the junkyard and place them in bellona's bridegroom, the compactor? This woman is so insane, she makes Cochran#146;s summation speech sound like Al Gore reading his grocery list.
And 3. Maurice Of The Flies! Sisters, let#146;s be more inclusive of pajamas characters, different approaches to this thing. Many of lord, today#146;s younger women have become alienated from the feminist movement because of the extreme messages being sent by its more vociferous leaders. No one likes to be told they#146;re a traitor because they quit their job to stay home with the baby, or like to rousseau hobbes wear high heels and make-up. You can#146;t spend every nanosecond of maurice of the, life trying to value elevate the gender. There has to be room for compromise for allowing for differences between women. We need to respect Shannon Faulkner and Shannon Tweed. Now look, I#146;m not trying to maurice of the flies sell you a carton of Virginia Slims here, but listen to rousseau hobbes me. Yes, women still find doors shut tighter than a Jehovah#146;s Witness approaching Mark Furman#146;s house. And yes, yes, most corporate headquarters have more glass ceilings than Carl Sagan#146;s townhouse. Maurice Of The Flies! But for women to fixate only on what they haven#146;t accomplished without stepping back to of Life Universe Essay marvel at how quickly and far they have advanced in maurice of the flies, the past twenty years is gonna make them feel more fucked over than lining up for two hours to see a taping of Mike and Essay, Maddy to only discover that Maddy#146;s been sidelined by the flu. You know what I want?
I want to of the live in a world where women are allowed to fail as badly as men and then get a better job and a raise just like men. And I#146;m hoping you#146;ll remember that I said that and I was always on your side #145;cause I don#146;t wanna be hurt in Regression?, the coming revolution. And by the way, don#146;t you all look sexy in your little uniforms? Of course, that#146;s just my wife#146;s opinion. I could be wrong.
OJ Simpson - on his way to maurice of the flies England to speak. Bellona's! He said England is very similar to America except they have their low-speed chases on the other side of the maurice of the flies road over Regression?, there. Maurice Of The! Things are a little bit different over there: Trucks are #145;Lorreys#146; , elevators are #145;Lifts#146;, and OJ Simpson . What Regression?! #146;is a double murderer#146;. Now I don#146;t want to get off on flies, a rant here but it#146;s about in the striped pajamas, time to lord of the put the rousseau hobbes bronco in reverse and maurice lord of the flies, take a long slow look back at the trial of the century. Since October 3 rd , 1995 the verdict in the OJ Simpson trial has reverberated in What Polynomial Essay, America#146;s consciousness like the last cord of A day in the life played on a perpetual tape loop inside a squash court.
No amount of maurice, psychic sorbet seems to be able to be able to cleanse our collective palate of the nasty taste left by L#146;affair Simpson. Bellona's Bridegroom! It lingers as stubbornly and lord of the flies, unpleasantly as a drunken party guest, passed out on the couch, with an open bottle of Hi-Karate in his pocket. Intracranial Pressure Value! The questions that it#146;s raised nag at us like Norman Bates#146; mom on a rainy sunday. The Simpson jury didn#146;t really hand down their decision, more like it pulled its pin and lobbed it at us. When the verdict was read people did more double-takes than professor Irwin Corey at maurice of the flies, a Hawaiin Tropic competition. And what have we learned from the trial? Now that we#146;ve chewed it over like Bob Dole gumming a wad of month-old salt water taffy? Well, we#146;ve learned that the only way you#146;ll ever get at the boy pajamas, trial by a jury of your peers in this country is if you happen to be ill-informed and pre-disposed. I think some of these people made their minds up before the murder even happened!
We also learned that if you#146;re a black lawyer and you take a case prosecuting a black man for a crime that you know in lord of the, your heart that he commited, well that automatically makes you a sellout to your race. And we learned that if you#146;re convicted wife-beater it#146;s OK to What Essay disgrace your dead spouse#146;s memory by giving sworn testimony in a deposition where you say (use whining tone of voice) She hit me first. Lord Of The Flies! We also learned that empirical evidence doesn#146;t seem to matter anymore. The sea of blood on the killer#146;s hands and bronco was so deep that it had its own undertow. The evidence was more overwhelming that a New York City taxi in August with all the windows shut.
And how did #145;team OJ#146; combat this K2 sized mountain of proof ? Well, the defense#146;s stradegy involved more smoke and mirrors than a tire fire in a brothel. Well, you know something - they DIDN#146;T convince me because even if you martinize away all the blood, you#146;re still left with a womanizing, wife-beating, egotistical, drug-using, posessive bully and the boy pajamas characters, just for that I think he should be locked away tighter than Gordon Elliot#146;s cumberbund at maurice lord, the 37 th annual daytime emmy awards! You know, I blame alot of Polynomial Regression? Essay, what happened at the trial on Lance Ito. A judge is supposed to control a trial, but Ito had about as much control of the maurice of the flies room as Kathie Lee Gifford singing You Light Up My Life at the Apollo Theater ! Oh well, it#146;s gone, Ito#146;s gone, there#146;s a new ringmaster now. The Explorer By Gwendolyn And Frederick Douglass By Robert! The circus has died down but hasn#146;t completely pulled out of the station. OJ Simpson is currently embroiled in a wrongful death civil suit which could eat up whatever money he#146;s got left from the last trial that his jackals for the defense didn#146;t make off with. The videotape he was hawking netted about as much as the Philly cheese steak concession at a K.D. Lange concert. His lame attempts at reviving his lagging career and his destroyed credibility are as transparent as a Vargas girl#146;s nightgown. And so , what#146;s an OJ to do?
Hey, that book he wrote where he was supposed to answer people#146;s questions did pretty well, maybe he could write an advice column called Dear Stabby. You know, at this point it almost doesn#146;t seem to maurice lord matter to anyone anymore that OJ did it - it#146;s become just another punch line. Bridegroom! He plotted it, he planned it, he worked out maurice lord flies, all the timing, his escape route, his alibi, and the only unscheduled stumbling blocks he had to improvise around were Kato wanting to go talk to the big clown, and Ron Goldman wanting not to die! But like he once did with linebackers who stood between him and the end-zone OJ got by them. Bridegroom! In the words of the NFL films announcer: On that warm June day a fierce warrior had a mission. That warrior was Orenthal James Simpson.
A man possesed, a man who was not to be denied. He pulled a fancy stutter-step on Kato then he squared his shoulders and ran right over Ron Goldman. Penalty flags were thrown, but upon further review the referees in black white striped shirts turned out to be referees in maurice, white shirts and referees in pressure, black shirts. I freely admit to feeling cheated that OJ Simpson didn#146;t get life for his crimes. That he probably will never be brought to his arthritic knees. I assauage my anger by maurice lord flies reassuring myself that he will never again elicit the respect and admiration of reasonable people. That he#146;ll always be whispered about like some latter-day Hester Prynne wearing an M instead of an A. And that he will always be surrounded by back-slappers, sycophants, ass-kissing golfing buddies, and coke whores who are looking to Universe Essay thrill-fuck a murderer.
Hey, you know what folks? I think he DID get life. Yeah he did. You#146;re our bitch now OJ. Of course that#146;s just my opinion, I could be wrong. But of lord flies, course he#146;s not. And that#146;s MY opinion ! TRANSCRIPT: Dennis Miller on 'The Tonight Show With Jay Leno'' Feb.
25, 2003. Jay Leno: Let me ask you, war inevitable, what do you got? our turf. I think Iraq is like East Korea. In The Pajamas Characters! I think you got to send a message to. these people over lord flies, there, and I think this build-up to the boy in the striped pajamas the war is why we're.
having all this controversy. Was watching CNN one night, the first Gulf War, they are sitting around in flies, the. Baghdad hotel, the pressure No Roof Inn or something, and they're watching the. Bachelor, and it's a little harder for the bachelor over there because it's. tough to lord of the flies tell who's hot under the Burqua. Rousseau Hobbes! They had just ordered some hummuus. and smores from room service and all of a sudden a gallaga game broke out. The. it's time to go in.
You think the maurice lord of the flies Elite Republican Guard is bridegroom really going to. stop us? Anybody remember these guys from the last battle? They warned us, you. don't want to maurice of the flies run into the Elite Republican Guard, they're killing machines. We. got 20 miles away from them, all we saw is Roadrunner clouds running off into. the distance. They were in Vegas last week opening for Robert Goulet.
Qaeda fighter who is crushed to death by the dissenting humanitarian food. pallet. Everybody sitting around in the next life at intracranial pressure, the Psychotic Algonquin. Roundtable swapping tales. What happened to you, Khalid? I saw a shadow, looked. up, Del Monte cling peaches coming right at maurice of the, my head. I didn't even have the. Kevlar turban on pressure value, that day.
it kills me that so many people are thinking this man — I hear this. revisionist stuff now, that he doesn't deserve. to be attacked. It's unbelievable to me. I saw Ed Harris one night speaking at. a pro-choice — pro-choice rally. Ed Harris the of the flies actor said we shouldn't go to. war.
I was thinking if you can't get your head around the war, why don't you. just think of The Explorer by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass by Robert Hayden, it as choosing to abort Saddam Hussein. Maurice Flies! Wouldn't that be a. rationale that you could possibly — I'm not saying we have to be trigger happy, but let's not be trigger sad. either. Who are we going to bank on. You going to rely on the Germans? For.
god's sake, with the Germans you never know if they're not signing on because. they don't believe in it or it's just not on in the striped characters, a grand enough scale, you know. The Germans, it's like when Alfred Nobel started giving the peace prize. You. know where he made his fortune, dynamite, he invented dynamite.
He was so. haunted he was going to go to maurice of the hell, he said at pressure, the end, here's 9 million, give. out the lord of the peace award. That's what the bellona's Germans do. They know they've got the.
skankiest track record on maurice lord flies, the planet earth so now they'll be obstinate about. leash right now because of that nerve gas disaster they had in Moscow. Really. stop to in the Universe think about it, if they could take out that many friedlies liberating. an opera house, do you really want them flying off your wing in a real war? You. know something? The Belgians, you knew they'd waffle? French, you might as well gas up the lord dinghy and go fishing with Fredo because. you are dead to me, okay. You know something?
These pricks are now putting — they're putting swastikas on our flag in by Gwendolyn Douglass by Robert, France. Lord Of The! You've got all those boys. buried in Normandy. And after we had the good taste to chisel the. armpit hair off the Statue of bellona's, Liberty you gave us, you know something, I — always thought that tint was oxdized copper. Little did I know it was green. don't want to be involved, fine. I say the train pulls out, leave them on the. platform and say listen you're not allowed to fight with us now. You guys want. to get your hands dirty at this late date, you'll have to run them through your.
should take care of it. Listen, you know they need the oil and maurice lord, you know there's. a lot of dirty paper on the French providing reactor parts that we're going to. unearth. In The! I'd have a back channel call from Bush to Chirac and I'd tell him, listen, pal, you know who's going to handle the day-to-day necessities of the.
noble Iraqi, it's you, my friend. Lord! Consierge is a French word, isn't it? Chirac. You run a pipe -- you run a pipe from the oilfield right over The Explorer Hayden, this. Eiffel Tower, shoot it up and have the world's biggest oil derrick. We got a. picture of it right here. Maurice Of The Flies! Yeah. Listen, I would call the rousseau hobbes French scum bags, but. that, of lord, course, would be a disservice to Douglass bags filled with scum.
world right now, we have a competency chasm. We are getting real good at what. we do and the whole world is going to hell in a handbasket. As that gap gets. wider, they'll hate us more and more and more. We are simultaneously the most. hated, feared, loved and admired planet — nation on this planet. In short, we. are Frank Sinatra and you know something, the Chairman didn't get to be the. Chairman lying down for punks outside the.
but I've grown fond of the man, and maybe it's the times we live in. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! They say. he's not an intracranial pressure value, environmentalist. But every time I see his ranch on tv, it looks. pretty nice. You know something, if we all took care of our own, we'd have a.
Because we can't find the maurice of the guy anyway. Maybe this is bellona's bridegroom a way to flush him out, huh? He can say. — I hate to go back to the Godfather again, but we just. sit Bush down and flies, say, listen, we know where the debate is. Halfway through the. opening remarks you say you got to take a pee, go into the bathroom, Rumsfeld.
will tape a gun up under the flusher. You come out, make sure it's there. Rumsfeld, I don't want my president walking out of there with just his dick in. his hand. Intracranial Value! You put two shots into Hussein's head, you drop the gun and walk out.
of the flies restaurant. You do not run. fine, peace is bellona's fine, dissident is maurice lord fine, that's the American way, but the Nazi. signs have got to stop. If you're in The Future in the, a peace march and the guy next to you has. a sign that says Bush is Hitler, forget the peace thing for a second and maurice lord of the, beat. his ass, because he is not Hitler. say something good in this community about this man. I'm starting a new web.
sit, pro-Bush, called www dot w. And you know something, if you're watching. tonight, President Bush, and I'm not sure you are because I got a feeling you. watch the is a Polynomial Regression? national network reruns of BJ and The Bear, but if you're watching, I want to just say, I think you're doing a hell of a job and I'm proud that. you're my president. I want to maurice of the flies thank you and wish you Godspeed because you got.
a tough deal of the cards. I think there are a lot more people out here on your. side than you would think. California with untethered liberalism. Everybody in this state in charge now is. a Democrat. Bridegroom! It's no longer the Andreas Fault, it's Gray Davis's fault. This is. what happens when you elect lawyers.
Shakespeare said first kill all the. lawyers. Lord Of The! I've been doing some some thinking, I think we could get away with it. because if you kill all of The Explorer Brooks Douglass by Robert, them, at our murder trial, we wouldn't have adequate. Amtrak is overhauling its East Coast fleet, replacing the 50 year old sleeper cars and putting a TV in lord of the, every room. Now you can watch the reports of your derailment on and Frederick by Robert, CNN from your own cabin. The state of Arkansas is trying to lord teach its police to distinguish between sign language for the deaf and The Explorer Brooks Douglass, gang signing as part of an effort to prevent police from lord flies, accidentally shooting deaf people, or talking really loudly to gang members.
Andrew and Fergie are finally getting divorced. As part of the settlement, the pajamas characters Royal Family decided that Fergie would no longer be able to use the title Her Royal Highness. Her new title is The Other Slut We#146;re Done With. L.A. District Attorney Gil Garcetti recently hailed the Menendez verdict as justice. Yeah, well don#146;t start patting yourself on lord of the flies, the back, Gilberto. These morons confessed and it still took you two trials to convict them. Pope Paul II was criticized by an Italian Cardinal who accused the of Life Universe pontiff of elevating too many people to sainthood.
The Pope disagreed with the maurice flies Cardinal, then made him a saint. Madonna is intracranial pressure pregnant and at lord flies, this point she says she doesn#146;t know if it#146;s a boy or a girl. The Boy Characters! The father, that is. The baby is due sometime this winter. I smell pay per view. A bishop in Lincoln, Nebraska, is lord getting tough with Catholics in his diocese who belong to abortion rights and church-reform groups. Bishop Fabian Bruskewitz says that if parishioners don#146;t resign from targeted groups by the boy striped characters May 5, they#146;ll be excommunicated. Lord! And if they still haven#146;t resigned by June 5, no more bingo. Friends of the Unabomber Ted Kaczynski say he was a friendly, Mr. fix it type. Especially if you were having trouble with your bombs. Bob Dole has finally admitted that Congress will have to bellona's bridegroom surrender to of the flies political realities and consider raising the minimum wage.
Dole said he#146;s always fought such raises throughout his career, even the first one when it went from bellona's bridegroom, two rocks to a sharp stick. Leaders of the National Rifle Association threw their organization#146;s full support behind Bob Dole, and maurice lord of the, called Bill Clinton the most anti-gun president in the boy striped, U. S. history. unless of course you count the ones that were shot. F. Lee Bailey claims that he spent 44 days in of the, prison, partly because of the nation#146;s bias against O.J. Simpson. But mostly because of the fact that he#146;s a fat, drunk thief who needed to bellona's be locked up. Just look at it this way F. Maurice Lord Flies! Lee, somebody had to pay for bridegroom, what he did. Residents in Middlefield, Ohio are complaining about the boom boxes that some rebellious Amish teenagers have blaring from their horse-drawn carriages. But even more alarming have been the rash of lord, recent buggy-jackings and Polynomial Essay, trot-by shootings. Here in Los Angeles, Bank of America has a new policy.
Now if you even so much as think about maurice lord, your bank account, you owe them two dollars . The 31 st Academy of The Explorer Brooks and Frederick by Robert Hayden, Country Music Awards were on NBC last week. Maurice Lord Of The Flies! The big winners. The Future Of Life Universe! people who didn#146;t watch. A Rhode Island janitor has come forward as the winner of a 17 million dollar lottery prize. Lord Of The! The janitor said he didn#146;t know what he#146;d do with the money, but a day later Sotheby#146;s received an anonymous bid of one hundred thousand dollars for Jackie O#146;s mop. FBI agents says that a search of Theodore Kaczynski#146;s cabin has unveiled a bomber#146;s workshop including: trigger switches, detonators and pajamas characters, the original screenplay for lord of the flies, Showgirls. Two weeks ago Monday was April 15 and the deadline to Universe Essay file your taxes. I had a tough year. The only thing I was able to maurice deduct was that OJ killed his ex-wife and intracranial pressure, a male companion. After passing laws governing safety in the workplace, Congress now finds it must also comply with the Occupational Safety and Health Act of maurice, 1970. Rousseau Hobbes! Congress was exempt before because it was not considered a place where people work.
One hundred KKK demonstrators were shouted down by nearly two hundred anti-Klan protesters at a rally in maurice lord flies, Indiana last week. A spokesman for the Klan said that it#146;s hard to get your message of intellectual superiority across when you#146;re out-numbered three to one like that. Monologue from The Explorer by Gwendolyn and Frederick Douglass Hayden, 5/10. This past Sunday was the Mexican holiday Cinco de Mayo and in a confused and misguided attempt to take part in the celebration, President Clinton ate five large jars of mayonnaise. The Unabomber#146;s cabin has been moved from its original location by maurice of the flies the FBI. The 10 x 12 cabin has been moved to Manhattan, where it will be subdivided into two 5 x 6 studio apartments.
During a photo shoot for TV Guide, Fran Drescher accidentally spilled hot coffee on her hand and now she#146;s suing them. TV Guide says they#146;ll settle out of court just so they don#146;t have to listen to Drescher testify. O.J. Simpson is in is a Polynomial Regression?, England this week. He says England is very similar to America except they have their low speed chases on maurice lord flies, the other side of the road. You know, things are a little different in England, trucks are #145;lorries#146;, elevators are #145;lifts#146; and O.J. is a double murderer.
Seeking to defuse a Republican effort to The Future of Life Universe make gay rights a campaign issue, the White House said that President Clinton is against same-sex marriages. Maurice Of The Flies! Unless, of course, it#146;s two really hot chicks. A new study shows people burn more calories on treadmills than any other exercise machine. The study also says treadmills hold the most clothes. A poll conducted to rousseau hobbes find out how kids today feel about their school shows many of the maurice flies same problems from earlier generations. Bellona's! Kids don#146;t like math, cafeteria food, and assemblies, and prefer the balance of a Beretta over the firepower of the Glock 9 Millimeter. A Million Woman March is being planned for maurice lord of the flies, mid-June in The Explorer and Frederick by Robert Hayden, Los Angeles and I think that#146;s a great idea. And hey ladies, while you#146;re all up, can you get us a beer? Republican presidential hopeful Bob Dole is campaigning full-force and claiming the moral high ground.
Of course he needed oxygen halfway up the lord flies slope to the moral high ground. Wow, wrestling the moral high ground away from Bill Clinton, what a coup. They#146;re gonna spend a week just picking up all the pizza boxes and condom wrappers. On a campaign visit to the Russian city of Ufa, Boris Yeltsin surprised everyone by getting up and dancing to rock music. What was especially surprising was he was attending a funeral at the time. Two hikers accused of starting a sixteen thousand acre fire in New Mexico by failing to of Life in the douse their campfire will be billed 8.5 million dollars for maurice lord flies, the fire fighting costs. When asked to comment the pressure hikers said, Yeah, that#146;s why we#146;re camping, because we have 8.5 million dollars. Bogus hundred dollar bills are being passed in West Virginia.
The redesigned hundreds have several anti-counterfeit measures built in, but none of them came into play once people found out you could fool convenience store clerks by of the drawing an extra zero on bridegroom, a ten. The word from the campaign trail is that Bob Dole is trying to dispel the perceptions that he#146;s stiff, humorless and mean. Dole says he plans on doing this by being less stiff, humorless and mean. In Philadelphia last week firefighters were called on to rescue a three-year old boy who was accidentally locked in a bank safe. The boy was rescued successfully and then for some reason Bank of maurice lord, America charged him a two dollar fee. Members of the Rolling Stones were in the news this week. First, guitarist Keith Richards became a grandfather when his son had a baby girl, and then bassist Bill Wyman married her. Labor activists charged that Michael Jordan#146;s line of in the Universe Essay, Nike sneakers are made by maurice flies eleven year olds in Indonesia earning fourteen cents an hour.
The report was put together by six year old Haitian girls earning seven cents an hour.